Sorry for taking so long to reply, I haven't been on in a while. He was doing ok for a bit, the mental health team seemed to be pulling together some help and were putting him on a dose of benzos that they would help him come off over a period of time. That changed a week later because of problems he has had with other drugs- he admitted that he has issues with painkillers (he used to use them to mask his depression coupled with a physical need for pain relief) which he's getting help with, but he recently admitted he had problems with another anxiety drug because he felt he had been left with nothing else and was trying to manage the anxiety. I feel so sorry for him, he's like a cornered animal, trying desperately to manage something on his own because the docs are more interested in covering their backs.I try to be understanding towards them, I get there are rules for our safety etc., but it's so hard to be sympathetic to them when someone you love is suffering and it's because signs were not spotted, the person suffering is being made to feel like a criminal, and something could be done about it and nothing is. Everything takes so long, it all gets treated like it's not important, like he's just decided to have anxiety and is only being obtuse. Honestly the whole system needs totally overhauling. sorry for the rant, I just want him to get better and for help to actually be f****ing HELPFUL! And for the government to stop expecting friends and family to have all the answers- we're not doctors! We're not professionals - how are we supposed to know what to do when we don't suffer from these illnesses and don't have psychology degrees?!!
Ok I'm calm now.
Thank you for your advice, he is seeing a private psychologist and he's been really dedicated to doing exercise, which has been really helpful. He's been off the benzos for three days now and on monday and tuesday he was able to exercise. Yesterday he was too anxious to get out of bed, and today he hasn't got up yet. He's been signed off work again because work is actually making him worse for various reasons I won't go into. It feels like one step forward, three steps back and it's just never ending. I don't know what to do, how to help, apart from let him know I'm there. But I have days when I think when will this end? Am I getting depressed too? When can we start living like normal again? I mean things like being able to go out for dinner or see friends, or go outside without it being a problem. I meant this to be a response about how I can actually help him now, not to be about me. I can see he needs some sort of medication to get him going while he goes to therapy but no one seems willing to give him anything that will help. I know he's been on a merry-go-round with various meds, finding that most anti-depressants don't give him any benefit, which tells me, though I'm no expert, that his issue is not caused by a serotonin deficiency. He had an embolism following surgery last year so they have to be careful with what they give him. He's been put on quitiapine which just knocks him out- his quality of life doesn't improve at all, it just makes him sleep and makes me feel like i'm living with a zombie.
I've suggested samaritans before and he doesn't trust anyone at the crisis team- I don't think we need to talk to them at the moment anyway, he's not in any danger, though he could be further down the line if nothing changes. It's just awful watching him struggle through everyday and being so utterly helpless to make it any better. I know people say, you being there helps and thank you to anyone who does, but if that were totally true he would be getting up. His problem is severe and I am not anxiety medication. Ugh, sorry, just needed to vent that. I would really appreciate any words of optimism right now if anyone has any. xx