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Advice re:doctors

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
lucym
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun Jun 04, 2017 5:25 pm

Advice re:doctors

Postby lucym » Wed Feb 21, 2018 4:30 pm

Hi
I haven’t been on here in a while but have been supporting my partner for a while now - who has severe anxiety and depression. My partner is currently experiencing really severe anxiety and has been on the waiting list for MONTHS to see mhs but the most we know at this point is that they don’t know when they can see him. His doctor is unwilling to prescribe medication for the anxiety as he’s been on and off it for a while and had problems with coming off painkillers. But as he sees it he’s being left with nothing. His panic attacks are getting more severe- he’s panicking because he’s afraid of the panic attack. There also appear to be elements of ptsd related to previous medical issues from the year before.
He wants to be medicated until he can get therapy and even so that therapy, when it becomes available, is more accessible to him. The doctor doesn’t appear to account for this and my partner understandably feels like no one is listening.
Does anyone know of anything we can do or someone we can talk to? Any ideas of private therapists or phychologists to talk to?
And here’s a really unanswerable question- how do we get the doctors to listen? I feel like he needs to change surgeries because he’s had so many problems with them- shaming, not listening, shouting at him when he’s anxious, not having really any clue how to talk to someone with mental health issues. We’ve tried making complaints but in his words ‘they just close ranks’.
He’s got an appointment on Monday and some diazepam to last him a couple of days and he wants to try to move his appointment forward and talk to his doc face to face. He’s also trying really hard to look after himself and manage the anxiety but he needs help, it’s too overwhelming for him and he’s worried it’s going to push him to a suicidal place ( a place he’s all too familiar with)- so I am really worried too.
Any advice?
Xx

lucym
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun Jun 04, 2017 5:25 pm

Re: Advice re:doctors

Postby lucym » Fri Feb 23, 2018 1:01 pm

Its been two days and no real improvement or help on its way. Still battling with docs to get them to take it seriously. They treat him like he's just trying to get more meds out of them and talk to him like he's some naughty child- which I know cos I am very often in the room when he gets a phone call.
Don't get me wrong, I know docs are under lots of pressure, and they are trying to do the right thing for us but this just feels inhumane. Watching someone you love be ignored and treated like theyre in the wrong cos they cant control their anxiety- as if he's supposed to just snap out of it- which of course he can't. They're saying he can only have so much but what they give him doesn't stop him from having these massive panic attacks, so surely, if it's not working, then they need to review that?
I am waiting to speak to his doc for him cos he's to anxious to talk to them and I am just so worried about the weekend - will he run out of medication? Will it lead to a suicide attempt? He clearly wants to get better and needs help to do it, why is it so hard to talk to someone with depression/anxiety with just a little bit of sympathy?
I just want us to be able to live our lives, not have to go through this torture.

Cyprus
Posts: 394
Joined: Mon May 26, 2014 10:05 pm

Re: Advice re:doctors

Postby Cyprus » Thu Mar 01, 2018 11:23 pm

Hi
I am sorry your hubby is having such a tough time
I am taking diazepam at the moment the reason the dr will not keep prescribing is because it’s addictive does your hubby take any other meds for his anxiety does your hubby have any thing that helps to relieve his anxiety I listen to music pin interest have some ideas about breathing etc
Do you have uplift in your ares you can self refer some areas it’s called iapt
You can pay privately my area has one that is means tested so everyone pays what the can afford your dr may be able to give you that advice
I think you should do face to face can you go in with your husband x ask for your local crisis number so you have someone who you can ring if worried
Would your hubby speak to Samaritans I use them sometimes when I need to talk through issues
Can you change gp I am lucky I have found one who is very supportive but not my registered
Gp sorry can’t help anymore cyprus

ldg134
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Feb 23, 2018 12:29 pm

Re: Advice re:doctors

Postby ldg134 » Thu Apr 12, 2018 11:14 am

Hi Cyprus,

Sorry for taking so long to reply, I haven't been on in a while. He was doing ok for a bit, the mental health team seemed to be pulling together some help and were putting him on a dose of benzos that they would help him come off over a period of time. That changed a week later because of problems he has had with other drugs- he admitted that he has issues with painkillers (he used to use them to mask his depression coupled with a physical need for pain relief) which he's getting help with, but he recently admitted he had problems with another anxiety drug because he felt he had been left with nothing else and was trying to manage the anxiety. I feel so sorry for him, he's like a cornered animal, trying desperately to manage something on his own because the docs are more interested in covering their backs.I try to be understanding towards them, I get there are rules for our safety etc., but it's so hard to be sympathetic to them when someone you love is suffering and it's because signs were not spotted, the person suffering is being made to feel like a criminal, and something could be done about it and nothing is. Everything takes so long, it all gets treated like it's not important, like he's just decided to have anxiety and is only being obtuse. Honestly the whole system needs totally overhauling. sorry for the rant, I just want him to get better and for help to actually be f****ing HELPFUL! And for the government to stop expecting friends and family to have all the answers- we're not doctors! We're not professionals - how are we supposed to know what to do when we don't suffer from these illnesses and don't have psychology degrees?!!
Ok I'm calm now.
Thank you for your advice, he is seeing a private psychologist and he's been really dedicated to doing exercise, which has been really helpful. He's been off the benzos for three days now and on monday and tuesday he was able to exercise. Yesterday he was too anxious to get out of bed, and today he hasn't got up yet. He's been signed off work again because work is actually making him worse for various reasons I won't go into. It feels like one step forward, three steps back and it's just never ending. I don't know what to do, how to help, apart from let him know I'm there. But I have days when I think when will this end? Am I getting depressed too? When can we start living like normal again? I mean things like being able to go out for dinner or see friends, or go outside without it being a problem. I meant this to be a response about how I can actually help him now, not to be about me. I can see he needs some sort of medication to get him going while he goes to therapy but no one seems willing to give him anything that will help. I know he's been on a merry-go-round with various meds, finding that most anti-depressants don't give him any benefit, which tells me, though I'm no expert, that his issue is not caused by a serotonin deficiency. He had an embolism following surgery last year so they have to be careful with what they give him. He's been put on quitiapine which just knocks him out- his quality of life doesn't improve at all, it just makes him sleep and makes me feel like i'm living with a zombie.
I've suggested samaritans before and he doesn't trust anyone at the crisis team- I don't think we need to talk to them at the moment anyway, he's not in any danger, though he could be further down the line if nothing changes. It's just awful watching him struggle through everyday and being so utterly helpless to make it any better. I know people say, you being there helps and thank you to anyone who does, but if that were totally true he would be getting up. His problem is severe and I am not anxiety medication. Ugh, sorry, just needed to vent that. I would really appreciate any words of optimism right now if anyone has any. xx

ldg134
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Feb 23, 2018 12:29 pm

Re: Advice re:doctors

Postby ldg134 » Thu Apr 12, 2018 11:19 am

ps i would also like to add that i do appreciate the hard work of the ambulances, nurses, doctors, hospital staff etc. I know the nhs is in need of better funding and i know it's such a hard job, and i know that those things are not the fault of anyone on the ground, and i also know that no one goes into those careers wanting to let anyone down, they want to help. it's just that from where i'm sitting, the amount of f;88 ups that keep happening, the let downs, the changes to care without consultation, the length of time taken to decide anything, even anything minor, is just simply uncaring.


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