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Shut out of new relationship

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
sirhugo
Posts: 408
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby sirhugo » Mon Feb 26, 2018 6:09 pm

for depression sufferers, its common for us to avoid "triggers" for our depression. for example, one of mine is feeling ignored and left out. it sends my mood spiralling downward

its possible that his mindset about your relationship is triggering his depression. maybe his worries or fears about not being able to make the relationship work are triggers for him.

I don't have any suggestions about how to get past this but its just a suggestion that might help with your understanding

mimosas
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby mimosas » Mon Feb 26, 2018 9:10 pm

Any suggestions are welcomed as he can't or won't tell me what's triggered this and that would make sense. I think he let his ideas for the future ran away with him and with the fear of confrontation he didn't know how to tell me he couldn't make it happen. I was the one telling him to slow down.

I'll still be here if he changes his mind x

Isap
Posts: 1592
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby Isap » Tue Feb 27, 2018 2:22 am

Hi mimosas

Sorry to use your thread, this is a message to d2d who is really badly in need of support.

I've read your posts and know exactly where you're at. Some of your comments may sound a bit harsh but understandable under the circumstances. I often feel like writing negative stuff, as if I'm having a tussle with the devil.

Some women can find new partners despite their illness, although these guys are often pigs who prey on vulnerability as I'm sure you've found out. On another forum is a woman of 46 who despite social anxiety and never leaving her apartment is a good example. My advice, which I should also follow, is to avoid reading these ongoing diaries/ blogs irrelevant to our own situation and just concentrate on giving and receiving support from those whose struggles resemble our own. People's relationship problems seem so petty when you are struggling to open a can of beans but of course they bring great distress to those concerned.

Isap

mimosas
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby mimosas » Tue Feb 27, 2018 9:21 am

Not a problem isap. I was concerned too but totally unqualified to be able to contribute anything helpful. Thankyou for caring about d2d and myself x

depressedtodeath
Posts: 211
Joined: Mon May 02, 2016 9:09 pm

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby depressedtodeath » Tue Feb 27, 2018 10:19 am

Thank you isap for your concern and support.

mimosas
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby mimosas » Tue Feb 27, 2018 8:36 pm

I messaged to ask if he was ok and got blocked ..... now i am beating myself up. So unfair

sirhugo
Posts: 408
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby sirhugo » Tue Feb 27, 2018 9:34 pm

im really sorry to hear that :cry: :cry:

if this was me I would take it as a sign that's its time to let go.

hang in there

mimosas
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby mimosas » Tue Feb 27, 2018 9:50 pm

It probably is time to let go, I can't face that thought yet. Just wish he'd been able to explain what this was all about

arwen2018
Posts: 123
Joined: Sun Dec 17, 2017 12:05 pm

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby arwen2018 » Tue Feb 27, 2018 11:22 pm

Sorry to hear that Mimosas. Give him time and space, but carry on with your life. Continue to move forward because he might not come back to you. They cannot really explain, although my ex said he couldn’t be in a relationship because he wasn’t mentally stable and it wouldn’t be fair on me. He loved me so much but when he broke up with me, he said he didn’t know how he felt about me. He thought he liked me rather than loved me.

I’m finding it hard to move on. I’m struggling with the grieving process and it’s worse because he’s communicating with other people but not me. He’s moving on and I’m stuck :cry:

We’re all here for you xx

mimosas
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby mimosas » Wed Feb 28, 2018 12:25 am

Thankyou Arwen. I really wish I didn't care as much as I do. All sorts of crap running round my head now. I'm angry with him, I'm sad, I'm confused, and none of this had to happen. If he's well enough to have work coming out of his ears (his words) he's well enough to spend 5 minutes telling me why he couldnt go through with his plans for 'our' future. He knew I wanted him and things to work out, he knew what I was prepared to do but just blanked me. so unnecessary.


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