It's Friday again my worst day of the week because it means its another week marked off the calendar since I thought my life had finally changed for the better. I need to write this and try to get on with my day.
I've still had nothing from him other than 'I'm fine thanks'. Last week he was offline for nearly the whole time the flight would have been in the air and I was looking at the clock thinking at 8.30 I could get that call saying come to the airport I'm here and I know I will be doing the same again this week.
I will be out this evening - I have to meet up with friends who I last saw before he came over, who I said to 'won't see you next week I'll be on a hot date' .... one of them in particular who has the perfect life, husband working in UK, no money worries, perfect kids etc etc will be saying to me ' ah another waste of space just give up on him' ..... she's never been through what I've been through, not just with this one but nearly all my relationships .... I don't know how I am going to face it.
I'm not ready to give up yet. If I do I will be forever torturing myself thinking that I threw in the towel on something that could have been so good. The silence from him is the worst thing. Just one sentence could make everything OK .... 'I've booked a flight for easter' .... which happens to be my birthday this year. He promised me he would be here for my birthday. I know it's not too late to hear that and he has said he would be over at some point just 'not yet'. He will be here one day to see his family and I'm sure I know him well enough to say that he would at least meet me, but it's the not knowing. My life could turn around again on just one message because I am almost certain that if he is here and we meet we can make things right, the spark will still be there. Then it will be a case of talking and more talking to make sure this never happens again, and if he does do this again how I can get both of us through it.
Sorry for the ramble. This forum is helping me so much. This will be my record of what happened and I am getting so much help from reading everyone else's stories and knowing that you are reading mine and understand, a lot of the people around me won't.
Love to you all xx