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Shut out of new relationship

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby ariane » Fri Mar 30, 2018 11:06 am

Happy belated birthday Mimosas. Glad to hear you got to celebrate with friends. Big hugs xx

mimosas
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby mimosas » Thu Apr 05, 2018 9:55 am

I think the time has come to go to the UK and try to resolve this. I have still heard nothing, I messaged his friend but I've had no reply and I can't keep on putting myself through this torture. I need an answer one way or the other and i am fed up of people telling me to just move on .... move on to what? I'm never going to meet anyone out here, I haven't in the last 7 years!

I never say things that I'm not prepared to go through with, I think I might message his son and his mate again saying I will go over and see if that provokes a response? Looks like my mum will be getting a visit soon

mimosas
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby mimosas » Fri Apr 06, 2018 10:28 am

I've booked flights .... I am not going to tell anyone, I'll just contact him when I am there.

I'm prepared for him to say its over, but if he does, at least I will have heard it from him and it won't be me that has made the decision.

What I'm really hoping for is a greeting like the one I got when he came here, I haven't given up on that yet.

Hope everyone is ok x

cc86
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 4:17 pm

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby cc86 » Fri Apr 06, 2018 5:38 pm

Hey Mimosas,

I don't blame you for going...at least it may hopefully provide some form of closure and you never know, by appearing in person (if you are able to get in contact with him) may just be what is needed to provoke a response.

I wish you well, and hope that one way or the other it helps you move forward. x

mimosas
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby mimosas » Sat Apr 07, 2018 7:58 am

Thanks cc. Counting the days now .... what will be will be. Hope you are ok x

mimosas
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby mimosas » Sat Apr 07, 2018 1:06 pm

I can't understand the reactions of my friends to me saying i need to deal with this. I'm not going looking for a sympathy vote but it does show how some people (altho well meaning with regards to my feelings) just don't grasp the way things are in people with depression/anxiety - i probably didn't get it myself until i researched online.

One of my friends is totally supportive, understands that I can't let go until I have explored every possibility of either putting things back on track or getting my head around accepting its over.

Others are of the view that still being blocked and having heard nothing is him telling me there is no way back. My view is that he might feel he has left things too long and is scared he will now be rejected or that he simply isn't ready yet to have me around. He told me he couldn't deal with arguments and confrontations - there is no way he can anticipate my reaction I know so maybe he has decided he won't try.

Wherever he is in his head I need to know for my own well-being and I know I will never be able to 'move on' as everybody tells me I should, without knowing. I hate what if's. Does anyone else get where i am coming from or am I just deluding myself?

cc86
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 4:17 pm

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby cc86 » Sat Apr 07, 2018 10:24 pm

Mimosas, I really do know how you feel and I feel for you...It is horrible trying to cling on to whatever glimmer of hope we can and I too have people saying I shouldn't bother even of my ex was to suddenly come running back.
Personally I think my situation is slightly different in that it appears her decision is final and I fear she may have even lined someone up to save her from being lonely (maybe just a fear of mine). I will never ever get my head around how someone can seemingly change her mind from wanting everything and making plans to ending things within a day or 2. It has almost felt like the shock of leaving someone in a crash or sudden event.
What I am trying to do is move forward, purely to save my own sanity, by just seeing what life is like without my ex in it. There's no hiding the fact we had a lot of rows, usually over trivial matters or things I felt were double standards in that she was OK to do something but I certainly wasn't. Looking ahead, I will try to chat to new people and pick myself up much like following all the no contact guides you read about online. If I don't hear from my ex in the next few weeks I guess I will have my answer regardless of whether she is suffering from depression (although she has never ever admitted it, despite going to the GP and being given anxiety tablets).
At the end of the day, the most important thing in all this is your own health and happiness so you need to try and make sure you're doing all you can to stay healthy and keep your mind occupied. Keep your chin up x

mimosas
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby mimosas » Sat Apr 07, 2018 11:16 pm

Cc my life isn't really any different to how it was before I met him - we only spent 5 days together altho we had talked online for weeks beforehand. I have plenty going on in my life and that hadn't changed when I met him, so life goes on as it did before, just without the promise of a better future.

I did rejoin a dating site and I'm talking to guys but I know in my heart I can't face meeting anyone else. I am sure I will delete my account again soon.

My head is a mess! X

mimosas
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby mimosas » Sat Apr 21, 2018 11:02 am

Well I'm in the uk ... messaged from my mum's phone yesterday saying i was here and it would be lovely to meet up, message was read then number blocked.

I am still making excuses for him, he would have been at work, he needs time to think ..... I said I was here until tomorrow ..... now its just cruel. I need him to say its over or he needs more time, there can't be any normal reason why he wouldn't surely?

I will probably make one final call from mums landline before I leave tomorrow. Then I really need to sort my head out.

I am starting to think there was/is someone else on the scene who was around before he came to Spain, the 'someone local' he said he would find it difficult not to get involved with, but if that is the case why not just tell me, its better than not knowing !

lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby lilliep » Sat Apr 21, 2018 2:28 pm

Hi Mimosas

My goodness you have made such a long trip, he could at least give you an answer. But these people aren’t rational and whilst a rational man would give you the answer you need a depressed one won’t. My man doesn’t want me anymore he says but he doesn’t want to let me go. It’s not a fair situation, I love him but I need him to tell me it’s over, if it is, and then I can move on. I really feel for you Mimosas, I hope he does contact you and put things right. It’s what you deserve.

Hugs

Lillie xx


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