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Shut out of new relationship

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
mimosas
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby mimosas » Wed Feb 28, 2018 1:54 pm

Rightly or wrongly I've just called his phone from my landline and the call bounced to voice mail. .. I said I'm not going to call anymore. That I can't switch off the feelings I have like he appears to have done. I said I'm still here, still love him, hoped we had and still hope we have a future, and that when he is ready he can unblock me and contact me.

Feel like crap today.

arwen2018
Posts: 123
Joined: Sun Dec 17, 2017 12:05 pm

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby arwen2018 » Wed Feb 28, 2018 3:51 pm

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. It’s so unfair that we are all victims of depression fallout. This illness is baffling and confusing. I had no idea. I don’t know what to say to make you feel better, I don’t think anyone can. I’m in the same boat. I have to accept I can’t change the situation and that it is over with my ex. I’m trying so hard to move forward and not to obsess about him. It’s incredibly hard and I’m not doing a good job of it.

We all deserve better.

Hang in there xx

mimosas
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby mimosas » Wed Feb 28, 2018 3:55 pm

We do deserve better but we can't help who we fall for. I guess when we meet people with depression they maybe try to put up the best front they can and we get sucked in, thinking if they are happy they will stay happy. We don't expect that happiness to be the cause of the downward spiral.

I also question how someone who says they want a relationship , and gets it, then decides it's not what they wanted after all. People should be more certain before wrecking the lives of others, it's so hard on the innocent partners who thought they had the real deal.

I will hang in there a bit longer. If he comes back, he comes back and we deal wiyh it, if he doesn't it's going to take a long time to heal xx

arwen2018
Posts: 123
Joined: Sun Dec 17, 2017 12:05 pm

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby arwen2018 » Wed Feb 28, 2018 4:21 pm

I hear you Mimosas. I had no idea my ex was depressed because I didn’t know what depression was. He told me he had a mental breakdown 2 years ago when his marriage broke down. Looking back, now I know he was depressed throughout the relationship. It only occurred to him he was depressed and had to do something about it when he had a meltdown and considered taking his own life. It was after he started taking his antidepressants that he went spiralling down, plus having set backs with not getting a job. When he broke up with me, he apologised for getting into a relationship with me because he wouldn’t have done it if he knew this was going to happen.

I miss him so much and I miss all the good and happy times that we shared. But he isn’t the man I fell in love with. He’s changed and regressed back to the time he was carefree, had no responsibilities and was a womaniser. I need to move on even if it’s heartbreaking, scary and hard.

xx

sirhugo
Posts: 412
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby sirhugo » Fri Mar 02, 2018 6:08 pm

in my personal opinion, if they really loved and cared for you, they would make it work, regardless of there condition. due to my depression, it can make things difficult at times with my girlfriend, but we get through it together. surely having someone in your life who understands and picks you up when your down is better than being alone?

I know it will be hard, but moving on will be the best thing for both of you

mimosas
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby mimosas » Sat Mar 03, 2018 9:04 am

Yes I agree with you, my hope is that once he comes out of this low we will be able to agree on how to cope if there is another one.

I can't move on yet, I made the promise that I would be here when he was ready and I couldn't forgive myself if I turned my back on him now. If he hadn't been upfront with me when we first met, it would be different, especially so early in the relationship .

The hardest thing for me is knowing that someone I care for so much is suffering, and i can do nothing to help ( his choice) ... and at the same time knowing I have either caused the problem or made it worse by doing the wrong things.

Maybe he will feel the same when this passes.

mimosas
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby mimosas » Tue Mar 13, 2018 10:45 am

It's been 4 weeks now since he said he wanted to end our relationship .... it feels like it has been the longest 4 weeks of my life. Communication has totally broken down now he seems to have blocked everything, Facebook, altho we were never Facebook friends, whatsspp and now text messages. Phone goes to voicemail.

I had to pick friends up from the airport last night, from the flight he would be on if he was coming, I was fighting back the tears. They didn't know what had happened so I was upset again explaining to them.

I am grateful that he had told me the back story, at least that explains his behaviour, but I am so sad that the amazing time we spent together and the plans we made seem to have caused the high and subsequent low. I'm sure the feelings were real and I still hope he can remember them and we can pick up where we left off. I hope he remembers my birthday.

My only doubt remains on his comment about how he thought he would react if he met someone who lived closer but he did assure me there was nobody else.

I know I have to stop the constant over-thinking and it is getting easier but my first thought on waking up every day is that he isn't in my life. I can't move on from him without some closure, I don't want to meet anyone else. I promised I would be here when he was ready and I don't break promises.

For now, I keep 2 things in mind, first that he said he would be back, we would talk, but just not yet. And second that despite blocking me everywhere, he hasn't actually said 'I never want to see you again'. Until one of those 2 happens, I still have hope.

I suppose 4 weeks in terms of anxiety and depression is no time at all even tho it seems like a lifetime to me. With no idea how long his previous episodes have lasted I just have to wait and see. As I have said all along, if we do come through this I will need more knowledge of how to handle things better. I know I haven't helped this time.

I guess I am writing all this as my 'journal', I seem to be getting a bit stronger myself, I do have other problems I need to resolve which I have been putting off as I haven't had the mental energy to deal with them and I need to crack on with them and try and get back on track. They are things out of my control, since I have had M.E. I have had to live by the rule of not worrying over things I can't control, but I can't apply that rule to someone I love who is suffering, which is why I am here on this forum!

I will stay on here and follow the stories in the main thread and I hope I will be able to update my story at some point. For the time being tho I feel I have said and done (mostly wrongly) everything I can do. Thanks to everyone who has helped me and love and strength to you all in dealing with your own situations xxxx

sirhugo
Posts: 412
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby sirhugo » Wed Mar 14, 2018 4:15 pm

its good to hear from you again. I was just wondering how things were with you today.

hopefully your story will have a happy ending, but in the meantime I would try to move on. Try to get back to "normal" and distract yourself from the pain. I would try to not expect to hear from him again. that way if you do that its a bonus.

take care and hang in there :)

mimosas
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby mimosas » Wed Mar 14, 2018 6:08 pm

Thanks sirhugo. It is starting to get easier and I am having to think he might not get in touch. Having said that he will be back in Spain at some time to see his family so I hope he would at least find time to see me.

It's just a waiting game I guess. I have to look back to the last meaningful message I had which was that he would be back. I hope he does.

Hope you are doing ok too x

mimosas
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Re: Shut out of new relationship

Postby mimosas » Fri Mar 30, 2018 8:28 am

I'm back on my own thread here just to say yesterday was my birthday .... and still no contact, nothing has changed. I'm hoping he might be here in Spain for the Easter break so all is not lost yet, he could have flown in last night ... but I think I am clutching at straws.

I was nagged for ages to arrange something for my birthday (last year I arranged a meal out and karaoke night) this year I held off saying i wouldn't do anything in case he turned up. Now I'm being told by friends to move on, stop putting my life on hold .... my life isn't on hold, its exactly the same as it has been for years, I'm still doing the same things I always did, just avoiding re-joining dating sites!

I ended up yesterday putting out an invite to our local for a few drinks, the sun was out, and a few friends turned up so we had a few hours chatting, it was good but i was still hoping he was on the flight.

Anyways ..... if nothing happens this weekend I might go to the UK for a couple of days next month and try to contact him. I think it's been long enough now, I need to know.

I'm still keeping up with all your stories and hoping there's some positives for you all either with or without your partners.

Love and hugs to you all xxx


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