It's been 4 weeks now since he said he wanted to end our relationship .... it feels like it has been the longest 4 weeks of my life. Communication has totally broken down now he seems to have blocked everything, Facebook, altho we were never Facebook friends, whatsspp and now text messages. Phone goes to voicemail.
I had to pick friends up from the airport last night, from the flight he would be on if he was coming, I was fighting back the tears. They didn't know what had happened so I was upset again explaining to them.
I am grateful that he had told me the back story, at least that explains his behaviour, but I am so sad that the amazing time we spent together and the plans we made seem to have caused the high and subsequent low. I'm sure the feelings were real and I still hope he can remember them and we can pick up where we left off. I hope he remembers my birthday.
My only doubt remains on his comment about how he thought he would react if he met someone who lived closer but he did assure me there was nobody else.
I know I have to stop the constant over-thinking and it is getting easier but my first thought on waking up every day is that he isn't in my life. I can't move on from him without some closure, I don't want to meet anyone else. I promised I would be here when he was ready and I don't break promises.
For now, I keep 2 things in mind, first that he said he would be back, we would talk, but just not yet. And second that despite blocking me everywhere, he hasn't actually said 'I never want to see you again'. Until one of those 2 happens, I still have hope.
I suppose 4 weeks in terms of anxiety and depression is no time at all even tho it seems like a lifetime to me. With no idea how long his previous episodes have lasted I just have to wait and see. As I have said all along, if we do come through this I will need more knowledge of how to handle things better. I know I haven't helped this time.
I guess I am writing all this as my 'journal', I seem to be getting a bit stronger myself, I do have other problems I need to resolve which I have been putting off as I haven't had the mental energy to deal with them and I need to crack on with them and try and get back on track. They are things out of my control, since I have had M.E. I have had to live by the rule of not worrying over things I can't control, but I can't apply that rule to someone I love who is suffering, which is why I am here on this forum!
I will stay on here and follow the stories in the main thread and I hope I will be able to update my story at some point. For the time being tho I feel I have said and done (mostly wrongly) everything I can do. Thanks to everyone who has helped me and love and strength to you all in dealing with your own situations xxxx