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Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2018 9:22 pm
Hello Guys and Dolls
Today well this afternoon I sadly lost my nan
Which has not hit home yet but my head is going 10 to the dozen.
I dont know what to do and i am scared of what will happen when it does and so far this year I havent had a mental breakdown, only had 1 panic attack and finally thought I was getting myself together.
But I am scared of will this cause me to go back to where i was before
I scared of my family are going to rush me/force me to go to my nans house and not do things in my own pace.
Just dont want to have a breakdown
Posted: Sat Feb 10, 2018 7:17 am
I'm so sorry to hear about your nan. You're right to want to do things at your own pace. Is there any way you could help your family understand the importance of doing things in your own time.
Posted: Sat Feb 10, 2018 11:37 am
I think you will have to give yourself permission to have a mini breakdown because grief will do that to anyone. But if you have good boundaries with your family and only take small steps with whatever needs to be done, it doesn't have to set you all the way back to a bad place. Just think however bad you are feeling, that is how much you care for your nan. Don't be scared of it.
Sorry to hear that you have lost her.
Posted: Sat Feb 10, 2018 1:09 pm
Really sorry to hear about your nan - I'd like to pass on my condolences to you and the rest of your family.
Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling - you need to express your emotion, like everyone else does in their own ways. Take things at your own pace - everyone processes things at their own pace, so look after yourself.
This is one major event in your life, that you will carry at the back of your mind for the rest of your life. However, if you allow yourself to process what is going on and just feel, you will be able to withstand the impact - one event does not have to derail your progress!x
Much love <3
Posted: Sat Feb 10, 2018 7:41 pm
Thank you all for your response
Some members of my family dont really believe i suffer with mental health and think i fake my illness even when its been diagnosed by a doctor
I am one of those people who bottle everything up and dotn show my emotion until one day it just takes one thing till i flip.
Thats something i dont really want to happen
I still havent even cried yet and i dont know if thats due to my medication i take for my mental health or it is what my mind kept telling me last night that i never cared about my nan.
I just wish this breakdown would come soon because i have just recently moved too and ive built up all the stress from that too,
I just feel so lost atm, dont know who to turn too, got loads of friends but yet feel like i cant turn to any of them.
Thanks again for listening
Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2018 3:19 pm
I am not surprised that with a family like that you learnt to bottle things up!
Seek out friends that will let you be you and learn to make your own family if you can. I am doing this now and it is helping me so much to be more honest about how much I struggle instead of having to pretend to be strong all the time.
It is okay to cry. Try to do it for short periods and then do something you enjoy even if you don't feel like it. That way the grief can come out but you won't drown in it.
Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 6:25 pm
The Samaritans are excellent to talk to. They will listen and don't judge. If you can't talk to anyone I would call them. And try to realize that because you don't cry it doesn't mean you don't care. By ringing the sams you are allowing some of the feelings out.