Search

Support Forum

SANE Support Forum

My Girlfriend is pushing me away

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
jlocke5
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 11:04 pm

My Girlfriend is pushing me away

Postby jlocke5 » Fri Feb 02, 2018 11:36 pm

Hi all,
I’m 17 years old and I am currently dating a girl who has suffered from depression since she was 12 and anorexia since she was 14. She has a history of self-harm, she has been into intensive care for her anorexia and I know of 2 times she has tried to committ suicide in the past. She is funny, strong and very independent, I’ve never met anyone like her. Our relationship was going great up until recently when she began to ignore me, this went on for 5 days, when she finally spoke to me she said that her depression had been taking a toll on her recently. I reassured her that i was there for her and that she didn’t need to feel ashamed of what she was feeling because she can always talk to me. The next day she cancelled on a trip we had been planning for about two months, I wasn’t mad at her even though I had spent over £100 on non-refundable parts of our trip. I told her it’s not her fault but i could tell she believed it was. The next day she asked for more distance in our relationship. I have never had experience with mental illness prior to this so i seeked help from a close friend of my girlfriend. She said to stop talking to her completely, which I am struggling to do because I am worried about her, and to not be surprised if she breaks up with me. I want to do all i can to be there for her, but i can’t help feeling useless and like i’m playing a waiting game. I am posting her to seek advice as to what i should to be there for her. I am in love with her and I don’t want her illness to tear us apart.
Thankyou
Jon

james80
Posts: 129
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: My Girlfriend is pushing me away

Postby james80 » Mon Feb 05, 2018 11:45 pm

Hi Jon.

I'm really sorry no-one has replied to you yet. It's a really tough situation and I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. Yoi aeem very mature for your age, not sure i could havr dealt with it at 17! My situation has some similarities and no doubt you've found other stories online (both male and female) that have a ring of familiarity to them. There is a definiate scrupt when depression takes hold.

Every case is different but some things are pretty universal. It's great that you want to support her. She has obviously had some very tough times in the past and seems to be going down that dark road again. First and foremost make sure you are ok first, don't let yourself get dragged down by it. She's asked for space so respect that but take that opportunity yourself. It's hard to cut ties completely and it's sometimes good to remind them that you are supporting them from afar. But don't smother her and when you do contact her keep it light, keep it simple. Educate yourself about depression, it really helps. Stops you taking it personally. It's a horrible illness in the way it changes people and makes them think.

amaya
Posts: 716
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: My Girlfriend is pushing me away

Postby amaya » Thu Feb 08, 2018 4:35 pm

I think your friend's advice was a bit harsh. I would ask her what she wants on a regular basis and when she wants to hang out do that, and when she needs some space do that.

jlocke5
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 11:04 pm

Re: My Girlfriend is pushing me away

Postby jlocke5 » Sat Feb 10, 2018 6:35 pm

Hi james80 and Amaya
Thank you for your great advice, sadly my girlfriend broke up with me a couple of days after i posted here for advice. She was finding everything too much at the moment and wanted to break up, as much as it upset me i told her i understood and that i’ll always be there if she needs me. At the moment, I am taking time to move on, but I am hoping that soon after the tension has passed I will be lucky enough to be her friend again.
Thankyou
Jon

amaya
Posts: 716
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: My Girlfriend is pushing me away

Postby amaya » Sun Feb 11, 2018 2:31 pm

I think she is lucky to have such a patient and understanding person in her life. Sorry to hear that things didn't work out with the relationship and I hope you will have a good friendship.

arwen2018
Posts: 60
Joined: Sun Dec 17, 2017 12:05 pm

Re: My Girlfriend is pushing me away

Postby arwen2018 » Mon Feb 12, 2018 11:37 am

Sorry to hear that Jon. I'm in the same situation, a lot of us are if you look at the thousands of posts in the thread 'My boyfriend is pushing me away'.

Take care of yourself and let us know how you get on.


Return to “Family, Friends and Carers”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: james80 and 2 guests