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Bipolar boyfriend lies

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
chhd87
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Jan 28, 2018 3:07 pm

Bipolar boyfriend lies

Postby chhd87 » Sun Jan 28, 2018 3:09 pm

I thought things had stabilised with my Bipolar boyfriend. I knew he had difficult days, but I thought we were in a better place.

I have now learned:

He has lied to me about going to work. He hasn't been since mid December. And not just simple lies...this week there was a full blown, intricate story of something going wrong at work. He even faked a long work phone call while at home. Turns out he wasn't talking to anyone. Turns out his boss (who he has avoided calls from) is now in contact with HR for advice. His job is in serious risk. He has mostly been at home doing nothing in the time he should have been at work.

He has lied to me for the entire time we have been together about his financial situation. He owned up about debts a while ago, but kept up lies about how he was managing it and outright lied about the stake he has in a property he said he owned but turns out he part owns. He took a loan out less than a week ago and lied about that too.

He has lied that after going to rehab nearly a year ago for cocaine addiction, he has been clean. Turns out he was only clean for 5 months. And that over the last few weeks has been using frequently.

He has struggled with medication side effects so our sex life has been non existent. He hasn't even kissed me properly in over a month. But it turns out he has been trying on my clothes, looking into buying various cross-dressing accessories and sex toys, and has been watching a lot of transvestite porn. (Just to be clear, I am an open minded person and if this was the only thing I found out today I would probably just be trying to understand it as a fetish.)

He admitted to 'not always remembering' to take his medication. He said he loves me and want our relationship but hates himself and doesn't know what to do.

I don't know what to do.

deb1960
Posts: 1650
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Bipolar boyfriend lies

Postby deb1960 » Sat Feb 10, 2018 6:58 am

I know it's a cliché but sometimes it is true that a leopard can't change his spots. Perhaps you need to ask yourself whether you would be willing to live this sort of life. Although your leaving would be hugely upsetting for both of you it does seem that he's in no position to manage a relationship. Although he's ill it doesn't mean he doesn't need to be responsible. If you stay in the relationship it could well.bring you down

Deb x

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Bipolar boyfriend lies

Postby amaya » Sat Feb 10, 2018 11:43 am

I think the issues you are having with him aren't directly to do with him having bipolar. It sounds like there is something more going on with him. Is he already in contact with a mental health team? If so, perhaps you can tell him that his behaviour is having a significant impact on you and suggest going together to an appointment to help him to tell his professional support what is going on. Don't know if this would be appropriate. I also think sexuality can be expressed in many different ways so the clothes thing is not an issue on it's own for sure. But from everything you have said it doesn't sound like he is very stable at the moment and he could do with some more support. I never heard of anyone with bipolar behaving in this way and it makes me wonder if there is another possible diagnose there?


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