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at risk

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
Posts: 34
Joined: Sun Jun 04, 2017 5:25 pm

at risk

Postby lucym » Fri Nov 24, 2017 12:32 pm

i've been trying to find a thread to post this on but it didn't feel appropriate.

I'm at a pretty low point myself, emotionally drained, on the brink of some kind of depressive episode after caring for my boyrfriend for the last year and watching him go through one depression and anxiety crisis after another, with suicide attempts and opiate misuse. He's finally getting help with both, although still on a waiting list for therapy, so is currently going through an unintended withdrawal, which brings out his depression and after having been through this so much it just feels so hard now to stay positive for him and myself. I simply haven't got the energy anymore.

Can someone tell me something nice or kind or hopeful? something that will make me believe it's all going to be ok again? I just want him back from the hell he's in now. both our lives have become so narrow and every day is just about getting through. we're not living, we're just surviving. I'm starting to feel more fragile and wirred for my own mental health. I try to detach, go off and do things with friends and do exercise, focus on work and eat well. But it all just feels like a patch. And it's him I want to do things with, not just sit in front of the tv scrolling on my phone night after night. We barely have a romantic relationship, so that any time we do get physically close it feels slightly jarring, and always over much too soon as it's so few and far between.

I can't say any of this to him cos I worry it will make him feel worse, that he'll internalise it and blame himself for how I'm now feeling, when it's not his fault that he's going through it. But it's like he doesn't think I'm going through it, I'm just the one alongside it all, although I don't know how fair that statement because I'm not a mind reader and I don't know what's going on inside his head unless we do speak. It just feels like everything has to be about him right now, and that's not right because the relationship should be about both of us. I feel so trapped, alone and desperate. I don't know what to do.

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Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: at risk

Postby sirhugo » Fri Nov 24, 2017 1:35 pm

im sorry your having such a tough time. i wish i had a magic wand to wave for you. All i can say is hang in there. your not alone

Posts: 460
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Re: at risk

Postby teamn » Sat Nov 25, 2017 1:01 am

Hi there,

That's slot to deal with, and sounds like you've done a wonderful job supporting him and yourself so far. The main thing about depression I feel is not being hard in yourself, so please don't go down that road, recognise you can only do so much, and then it's up to you boyfriend to do the rest, you eilll be ok as long as you remember that and continue to loook after yourself and have some fun in life, by you having a good time, you can then share your positive energy with him.

Sounds like right now your swamped in empathy with his feelings and mood. And I learned recently that empathy can drain us as we out ourself in the olthre persons shoes, but understanding gives us strength as we separate ourselves. You can love and support him and it will be ok, because you'll be stronger to cope.

Encourage your boyfriend to get help outside of you, e open with him if you can, softly a little info at a time, so that he understands how you feel but not all in one go. As your right, he probably will internally feel that he's to blame and feel worse , so be open but tell him little by little day by day, and follow up with some positives.

Not sure if you'll find this helpful, or if it is helpful m just what works fir people who support me, they were unsure how to help me abs I told them how, but I as the depressed person was still very aware of the affect I had on others and could see that they were drained..the two people that helped me during my pregnancy, but now they no exactly how . I lost a few people along the way as it's had work to stand by someone so low and seemingly negative, but everyone needs to look after the,selves too I get that.. and you definitely sound like you need to look after your self and your emotional and mental health too

Posts: 34
Joined: Sun Jun 04, 2017 5:25 pm

Re: at risk

Postby lucym » Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:29 pm

Thank you teamn and sirhugo,

Your kind words really helped. I'm feeling better and stronger today, had a much needed evening with some friends and was able to share a little with my boyfriend. he seems to be getting there a bit- i needed to be reminded of that too.

Thanks again, a little kindness has gone a long long way :)

Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: at risk

Postby amaya » Sun Nov 26, 2017 12:59 am

Feel free to keep talking to us whilst you are working everything through together.. if it helps in the difficult moments then it is good to keep doing it.

What support do you have for yourself? Anything professional I mean..

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