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Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
james80
Posts: 69
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 10:44 am

First day back in work after the Christmas break is a lot harder when your ex is sat in the same office.

The way she acts with me at the moment is as if the last few months is a complete fabrication in my mind. It's quite difficult. And the only way I can deal with it is to do the same thing.

Horrible.

liveahappylife
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2017 10:49 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby liveahappylife » Tue Jan 02, 2018 11:30 am

Hang in there James! It’s not easy but you sre stronger than you think.

Today hasnt started off well. Had a cry this morning, breakups are horrible. I am considering seeing a therapist to let everything out. It really comes in waves. Yesterday I felt strong, today I am weak. I just need to keep going. The one thing that I find interesting is, when I met my ex that day to collect my things, he was telling me about all the stuff he has been doing since the breakup (it really sounded like his life was moving on). So what I have learned is that, while I am crying my eyes out in bed, he is getting on with his life and living. I should really do the same. So that is what im trying to do. X

james80
Posts: 69
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 1:15 pm

Yes waves is a good way to describe it. I felt ok yesterday. Today I'm not doing so great. I've just come to sit in my car and have a bit of a moment. It's lunchtime but I couldn't physically stomach food right now.

It's hard because I'm feeling so hurt, lost and alone and on the face of it she's absolutely fine. Obviously I have no idea how she is internally, and im guessing this is the 'walking depression' you hear about but she mentioned in the office how shes been out every night for two weeks etc etc it just feels like I've been completely erased from her life and she's just moved on leaving me (speaking of songs the Weezer song 'the world has turned'comes to mind). It was her who made the first moves, she was the first one to make a romantic gesture, she was the one telling me how much she loved me and how she'd had feelings for me for a long time before we got together. I just don't get it. And the only way I know how to deal with it is as you would with a 'normal'break up. But unlike those there is nothing I can understand. There were no problems. I haven't done anything. I'm also fairly vulnerable myself with the situation I was in after what happened 12 months ago. I wouldn't have got into a relationship if it hadn't been with her. I need to keep reminding myself that she is ill and none of this was calculated because it just all feels so cruel.

ariane
Posts: 46
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Tue Jan 02, 2018 4:08 pm

“On the face of it” James these words (your words) are very important... she is putting on a brave face, they are amazing at hiding how they truly feel to the outside world

And yes it is a rollercoaster, I considered counselling too but I don’t have the time my life is hectic as it is... I may reconsider in a couple of weeks. I fluctuate between sadness and anger. This morning as I woke up I had this sadness and feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach then as I commuted to work I put my earphones on, my playlist is full of songs and bands he recommended but instead of feeling sad it gave me comfort. I miss him constantly, I ache from wanting to see him and talk to him ...

james80
Posts: 69
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 5:23 pm

In a way I feel worse when I do see her, because she's right there, but feels so far away.

I stuck it out till 2, then grabbed some work and went onto site (a benefit of my job) I'm working from home for a few days and she doesn't work Fridays so that's it till.next week. I need to work on some coping strategies I think!

lilliep
Posts: 38
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Wed Jan 03, 2018 8:54 am

Hi Ariane

Depression has a script it seems, my man said much the same things to me at the start about how he couldn’t love someone as he didn’t love himself and he didn’t want to hurt me etc etc. He doesn’t say them now 4 months on though. Does your man get any help? Counselling or medication? It seems his depression isn’t caused by a situation but is a more long term thing. A friend of mine is bipolar and his girlfriend finally persuaded him to get help and he’s much better, admits it himself even. Will he not talk to you in any way at all? My man wouldn’t at the start but now he sends spontaneous messages without me having to send one first. I know it’s tough sending messages that don’t get a response amd many of mine didn’t in the early days. I guess over time I learned not to expect a response but to get one was a bonus.

James80 working with your ex must be torture, I really feel for you. The cold indifference must be hard to deal with. Depresssion takes away the ability to feel empathy which is really tough especially when that person has been so loving and caring before.

It’s my first day back at work today, luckily work is a distraction for me. I hope you guys have better days today xx
Last edited by lilliep on Wed Jan 03, 2018 8:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

james80
Posts: 69
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Wed Jan 03, 2018 10:28 am

Thanks Lillie I hope you have a good day.

I'm seeing a friend and his new baby today later, so that should be a nice distraction. I woke up really despondent but im just putting everyrhing out of my mind, concentrate on work and other things. Im so up and down atm im likely to feel fine later for a bit! Keeping your mind occupied definitely helps!

Have a good day all! X

ariane
Posts: 46
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Wed Jan 03, 2018 11:27 am

Hi Lilliep, I do not know what type of help he is getting, he would not tell me, i asked him "what are you doing about it", he responded "i am doing something" that was it.
I asked him about his support network and he kinda laughed then he said his friends and i got thick and said "and what are they doing, taking you out and getting you drunk!" he said he talks to them.
He told me that he was on medication for 6months before, hated taking tablets. i am not sure what these were for though as he had health issues at that time, it may be completely unrelated.
He says still now his head and his heart are messed up. I told him to talk to me, i told him i can listen without judging and that we can talk and maybe just maybe i can help a little. He told me he did not want to bother me with his "crap" because i had enough on my plate (things are difficult with my ex-husband)

Yes his situation is a longer term one but i believe it was brought on by the unexpected passing of his best friend of adult sudden death a few years ago. The anniversary is coming soon and the week before the breakup message, him and his crew met up to decide how they were going to remember their friend this year and plan a memorial.
He spoke to me about it when we were together, and he got upset, he wanted to tell me about it but he was getting upset so he stopped. Later on that night he spoke about it though, when he found out about the passing and how and i could feel the pain he is in over this. he admitted that he never got over it.

ariane
Posts: 46
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Thu Jan 04, 2018 5:49 pm

I had my first workout of 2018 and felt happy and energised afterwards.
Being back at work is definitely helping too, constant interaction stopping me from overthinking

I have not texted him since New Year's Eve. It is the longest without any texts but we were interacting a bit on social media yesterday (as in commenting on each other's posts)
It was light-hearted and fun, like the messages we used to exchange at the very start before we got together. It was nice... He's not live on whatsapp at all so I know he's not talking to anyone else (it had crossed my mind before that maybe he was, i am a bit insecure as i have been the casualty of cheating situations previously)
I miss him and would do anything just to have a hug with him

james80
Posts: 69
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 8:40 pm

That's great ariane! And sounds promising too, I'd kill for even a bit of a thaw now, just some neutral chit chat would be nice :(


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