Sorry for the silence the last few days.
I disagree with a previous post, which likened our partners / exes to abusers.
Having spent over a decade with someone who was emotionally abusive to me (and which i only realised retrospectively), I found it quite difficult to read the article. In my mind, the article related to this man (my husband) more so than my "existing" guy and muddling the 2 situations together was quite confusing and upsetting for a moment.
I don't agree that my guy has put my confidence at an all time low, which prompts me to enjoy the push and pull. I am not enjoying nor am i addicted to this "chase" and I found this suggestion quite upsetting to be honest.
Something else happened the last couple of days. A picture memory came on my FB page from years ago of me and my daughter when I was still married and a good 5yrs before the breakdown of my marriage. On the picture there is a barely there smile on my lips, which does not reach my eyes. It prompted me to look back at old pictures. Each and every single one of them during my 15yr marriage shows me guarded, barely smiling and a sad look in my eyes. In comparison i look at pictures of the last year since knowing my guy, my smile is always there, wide and stretching to my eyes. All these pictures show so much joy and happiness. It makes me realise that as much as i fought after the breakdown of my marriage to patch things up, the sadness in my eyes from these years ago was tale-tell enough that this was not right for me.
This time around though, I am not ready to give up just yet. You cannot fake that happiness on pictures as recent as less than 2 weeks ago.
I have not contacted him for a few days and I am not sure of my next step at the moment but I will remain hopeful until explicitly told otherwise.
Mind yourself everyone x