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Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
james80
Posts: 62
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Mon Jan 01, 2018 7:14 pm

A punchbag! That is a good idea. I work out at home, and try and go for regular walks etc (I live in a quite rural area). I try and eat healthily as well, when I was newly bereaved I got into some bad dietary habits (too many takeaways mainly!) so for the last six months or so I've been consciously reversing that, eating well, pretty much giving up alcohol- it does all help.

liveahappylife
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2017 10:49 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby liveahappylife » Mon Jan 01, 2018 7:31 pm

It really does. I am back to the gym tomorrow - right now the only thing I can control is how i look. So that will help me feel bette too.

Gosh would love to have a punching bag right now! :))

lilliep
Posts: 32
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Mon Jan 01, 2018 7:46 pm

Happy new year to you.

Can I ask a question. Did you both know your ex partners suffered depression when you met them?

james80
Posts: 62
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Mon Jan 01, 2018 7:51 pm

I did. Or at least I knew she had suffered in the (recent) past. I must admit I was pretty ignorant about it all though.

ariane
Posts: 40
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Mon Jan 01, 2018 7:58 pm

I didn’t. Never suspected a thing but in retrospect I should have picked up on it.
His break up message came as a blow as I didn’t know only then did he say in black and white “I am in a dark place, been there a while” he actually told me that he lies awake at night thinking of ways to die...
His demeanor though is the life and soul of the party, we have the same sarcastic sense of humour

lilliep
Posts: 32
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Mon Jan 01, 2018 9:41 pm

Thanks, that’s interesting. My man wasn’t depressed when I met him, he became so as a result of his situation. He’s never been in a dark place like your man Ariane, that’s a tough one and he didn’t suffer it in the past like your lady James80. I’m interested that all these people choose to converse by Whatsapp, it seems to be the depressed person’s preferred method. Before the depression set in he emailed me very day and we Skype chatted every night, now it’s just Whatsapp, although I got a break yesterday evening as it was down so he had to use text. Yes I’ve relented, we have a ‘date’ on Saturday, not to fix everything but I hope to come to an understanding. I would say never give up until you yourself feel it’s hopeless. In the early days I was so down, scared and alone, but gradually things progressed, although at times interminably slowly and setbacks happened. I keep trying to remember it’s the depression making him this way and he’s still there somewhere. I read an article written by a depressed guy who said whilst he pushed all his loved ones away it was actually the last thing he wanted to do.

ariane
Posts: 40
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Mon Jan 01, 2018 11:45 pm

I fully get how depression can be circumstantial especially with all the heartache your man is going through re-court case. It would impact on very strong individuals.
The day of the break up message, my guy would not read my messages or pick up the phone to me. We saw each other at wkends only he lives 50km away. Before that we messaged constantly and spoke on the phone daily. I was going to tell my kids about him, a very big and first step for me... anyway he texted me (whatsapp) after a full day of silence saying I was the nicest most beautiful woman he ever met but that he didn’t deserve me, that I deserved better than him he wasn’t right for me he was in a dark place. He concluded his message saying “I am a fool for loving someone so much that I know I can never make happy when I cannot be happy myself”.
I responded 5-6 different texts until eventually he rang me, we were both crying on the phone, he told me he’d sleep on it and talk to me the next day, he told me he loved me. This is during that call he told me the extent of the dark place... But he wouldn’t talk or text the next day. 2 days later I was scared for his welfare and I drove to his workplace. We spoke for 1hr. I kept my composure (mostly) but when tears were coming to my eyes he could not look at me. Seeing me in pain was hurting him and the conversation was too much he was agitated holding his head, in turmoil... but through this face to face we held hands, we hugged, there was so much love between us and I know this was hard for him too

I truly believe they do not want to hurt us, the choice of whatsapp is easieryou don’t hear the hurt in someone’s voice, you don’t see the pain in their eyes. You send the message and don’t really have to face the full effects. It’s just my take on it, I am no expert

ariane
Posts: 40
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Mon Jan 01, 2018 11:47 pm

Liliep I read similar articles too. But I struggle with the balance of being there to support and the fear of becoming a nuisance / stalker

I hope Saturday goes well no doubt we will chat here beforehand

james80
Posts: 62
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 9:02 am

I think that balance is difficult. I compose messages to her in my head all the time so it seems to me like I'm contacting her all the time! I think I read that article too, which does keep me maintaining that link.

With me we did have some contact after the break, including her instigating contact by asking if I was ok etc. For the Last 3 weeks it's been pretty silence on her part though :(

What am I going to do though? I love this girl and until I know it's definitely over for her in going to keep hanging on in there.

ariane
Posts: 40
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Tue Jan 02, 2018 9:19 am

Listen to this https://youtu.be/TosW21cpn-8 this is exactly what I want to say to him


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