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Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
james80
Posts: 227
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Mon Jan 01, 2018 1:46 pm

I know how you feel. I'm not ready for a new relationship (in hindsight maybe I wasn't last year?)

If you aren't interested in the other guy it wouldn't be fair on him to do anything if your heart isn't in it. But it's nice to know people are interested! This whole experience has really.affected my confidence and self esteem so any ego boost is welcome!

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Mon Jan 01, 2018 2:52 pm

I agree and I would never ever mess anyone around.
This is why I had opened to my bf about my marriage and how difficult it was and how afraid I was of getting hurt again.

Like you I think the best remedy right now is to focus on me, as hard as it may be...
I told him I won’t contact him. I will do my best to do it this time and I am putting early February as a timeline for my next contact... this is a tough month for him and I still want him to know that I am there at this time

james80
Posts: 227
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Mon Jan 01, 2018 4:32 pm

Pretty much my plan too ariane. It's her birthday in January so I will probably message her then but im trting to leave her alone. Give her space, but not cut contact completely. It's important to me that she knows I'm still there, still care about her. While she still reads my messages I'm going to keep that up.

In work I'm just going to keep my.head down. We aren't in the office on the same days too often (hot desking etc) but need to justbconcentrate on not letting it upset me. Throw myself into my own stuff.

liveahappylife
Posts: 46
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2017 10:49 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby liveahappylife » Mon Jan 01, 2018 5:09 pm

Hi guys,

Took some time out from here as I have be trying to refocus. This time of year is especially hard when you had plans with your signficant other and they let you down. I didn’t hear from him at Christmas or for new year. We did have our final meet/exchange of belongings on 21 Dec - it was so hard to be sat across the table opposite the man that makes me weak, the man that i have cried about since the breakup 6 weeks ago. However that day, I did not cry, I was strong (even though i was hurting inside), I wanted to leave a positive feeling in him after that meeting, that I am a strong woman and I will live my life. Sometimes when we end things on a positive, it makes the person breaking up,question themselves. Anyway, I have come to the realisation that i need to pick myself up - as hard as it is for me to say, I need to face the facts and realise that it is done ..for now..or maybe even forever. Which makes me so sad. But I truly believe that if something is meant for you, it will be yours...no matter how long it takes. Love is a beautiful thing and we should not have to fight for it.

I have not contacted him since 21 Dec and don’t plan on doing so. If he wants to find me, he knows where I am. I see him online on whatsapp, but Im clearly no longer a priority. I am now going to try my hardest and focus on being happy. Our happiness should not be dependant on people or things (I have unfortunately been living this way) - so enough is enough. We have to look after our hearts. We have so much love to give, and of the billions of people in the world, there will be someone who will appreciate and reciprocate it even more.

Yesterday was tough because I saw all the new year posts of friends (couples) on social media and I was thinking of what could have been - and had a cry. I have been robbed of my happiness over this festive season just for loving someone, but I refuse to drag it into the new year. I will take each day as it comes and fight and will hopefully come out stronger.

We are all loved. Let’s not forget that xxxxxxx

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Mon Jan 01, 2018 5:30 pm

What a powerful message to yourself. I am glad you are starting this year on such a strong note.
I can completely relate to what you say about happiness having become dependent on someone else, I let myself be in that situation too although I know I can be happy being “free” too as I was before.

I wish you all the best for 2018. xxx

There are 2 main things that make me the most happy in life, it’s singing at the top of my voice and dancing. In my local area they are starting dance classes mid Jan. I will make a conscious choice to join and get some of that mojo back into me.
My guy loves music and he is so right that it is therapy for the soul, the one thing is to make sure to chose the right music for the right time

liveahappylife
Posts: 46
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2017 10:49 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby liveahappylife » Mon Jan 01, 2018 6:02 pm

Yes do it! Sing at the top of your lungs!! I love music and also love singing, but sadly Ive been afraid to listen to music as it brings back memories and makes me cry! So Ive kept a way since the breakup but it’s time to bring it back.

You’re sounding upbeat... good for you. I really believe we will be smiling soon. Let’s not change who we are (good loving people) - we just need to love ourselves more. Xxx

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Mon Jan 01, 2018 6:14 pm

Not really upbeat, more a case of fake it till you make it!!! My children will be home soon I haven’t seen them in 5 days and I need to be upbeat for them

Do you know that if you fake smile for 10min or so, it triggers your brain to feel happy. Self-hug (or havening touch) is very powerful too. Strange that I know all these things but in the midst of the situation I forgot how to use them to help me.

james80
Posts: 227
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Mon Jan 01, 2018 6:23 pm

The advantage we have in this situation is that we don't have depression. We may get depressed but we can think rationally. Make good decisions, look after ourselves and emerge from the other side.

I agree with your sentiments on love, livehappy. If it isn't to be I'll move on, not without regret that this illness has robbed us both of something potentially wonderful, but move on nevertheless.

It sounds like you've got a good plan in place. I wish you all the luck in the world x

liveahappylife
Posts: 46
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2017 10:49 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby liveahappylife » Mon Jan 01, 2018 6:32 pm

Oh I hear you! Fake it until you make it has been my motto. My poker face has been the norm at work, laughing when all i want to do is lie in bed and cry. I believe we put positivity out there (well try to), that is what we will attract (hopefully)I’m sure your kids will be happy to see you x

Thanks James. As you all know it is not easy to be shut out by the one you love, but you just can’t fight it. All we can do is focus on ourselves. Did you at least enjoy your night out? X

Another thing, do you guys work out?

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Mon Jan 01, 2018 6:45 pm

I used to work out but I haven’t in the last few months but I am joining again this week. It was a lifeline for me before. I also own a punchbag at home, which is great to release anger. I had a lot of it after my marriage breakdown.


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