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Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
james80
Posts: 228
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Mon Mar 05, 2018 3:57 pm

For the first few weeks mine kept asking if I was ok and saying she wished she'd never made me sad. Then she just went quiet

arwen2018
Posts: 123
Joined: Sun Dec 17, 2017 12:05 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby arwen2018 » Mon Mar 05, 2018 4:14 pm

When my ex broke up with me he mentioned he couldn't help feeling guilty. But because I don't see him, I have no idea if he really does feel that way. What I can say though is that it seems like he thinks I am his enemy and those who he never cared much about have suddenly become the most important people in his life. For example, his lodger whose behaviour he didn't like because she didn't like me (I mentioned in previous posts about her behaviour), now he understands why she behaved the way she did and they are best pals. Whereas I have been disregarded as if I never mattered.

So I understand how you feel Mimosas. My ex was kind, caring, generous, affectionate, loving, and would not hurt anyone's feelings. He has turned into this complete stranger who doesn't seem to care who he hurts or offends for his own entertainment (for example the video he sent, blaming his cousin). He doesn't seem to acknowledge my existence either. Very cruel!

Am I ranting too much???

sallyc
Posts: 107
Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2018 9:46 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby sallyc » Mon Mar 05, 2018 7:23 pm

Hi guys.

We all seem to have had the exact same things said/promised to us. One of the first things I said to him was not to hurt me and to talk through everything if something was bothering us. He knew I'd been hurt before and it took a lot for me to let him in. He was also the most caring, loving, affectionate man I'd been with and I let myself fall for him after all his promises. To just throw us to one side to spare their guilt is so cruel. I also can't just blame his depression because after all he is an adult and surely he knows the pain he's left behind him. Not just to me, his kids and my kids. I really hope he sorts himself out before trying another relationship. It would be so selfish of him if he started something with anyone until he deals with his issues. Ultimately it's his kids that are going to suffer in the long run if he keeps bringing new partners into their lives, getting them attached then leaving out of the blue. I still wonder if he told the kids the truth of how he ended things or did he say it was a mutual decision to make himself look better in their eyes. Or even worse, blame me!

James. Why don't you take a friend to the Stereophonics with you? Seems a shame to miss out on them because of all this shit. I'd have still gone if it was me that purchased the tickets, unfortunately he's the one who got them so it's no option for me. I refuse to let him ruin my love of music any longer. I had stopped listening to all my music as we shared the same taste in bands and everything reminded me of him. I'm not letting that happen anymore. Maybe by the summer you'll be in a better place and decide to go? I hope you do.

Arwen. Rant away. We all understand xx

Hope everyone else is well? xx

james80
Posts: 228
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Mon Mar 05, 2018 7:35 pm

You are probably right Sally. A few friends are going so I could always tag along with them. At the moment the thought of going is a bit upsetting as I bought the tickets for her just before we broke up (I asked her if she wanted to go, bearing in mind it's not till the summer so a week before we broke up that obviously wasn't in her mind!) And I'm not even a big fan of theres. Also there is always the chance she'll be going anyway (it's in Wrexham and everyone in the whole area seems to be going). The tickets won't come till a week or so before the gig so I will wait to see how I feel I guess.

Yes Arwen rant away!!

sallyc
Posts: 107
Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2018 9:46 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby sallyc » Mon Mar 05, 2018 9:04 pm

Yeah. See how you feel James. Hopefully you'll be in a much better place by then. I hope we all will, no, I'm sure we all will be. We need to think positive and not let this ruin us. We all deserve to be happy x

lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Tue Mar 06, 2018 3:19 pm

Hi

Hope everyone is OK. Scary times for me. He’s accepted a job, way below what he’s capable of, long hours and low pay, but it’s a job at least. This means our regular Friday afteroon meet ups won’t happen anymore. Saturday he is normally out with his mates and Sunday is reserved for cricket. As it stands I have zero priority over his friends so I’m worrying about whether the depression will allow him to make time for me. Fingers crossed.

Lillie xx

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Tue Mar 06, 2018 8:14 pm

Hi Lillie,
Bittersweet news I am sure.
Looking at the big picture though isn’t it good that he has secured a job before the court case (April isn’t it?)
It will show the judge that he is financially independent. It is probably a step in the right direction, something needed to get his life back on track?

I mentioned about my guys big change recently. He moved into a new accommodation something that was a necessity but that he had put on the back burner for so long. It’s a very positive step for my guy one of the first of many I hope. He’s been on the meds 13 days now, they take 10 days to start working he said. When I speak to him (daily on the phone - big step forward) the last couple of days he sounds upbeat.

Re-meeting him, I don’t tend to give my guy an option, we got into a habit of meeting on a Sunday I go to him 12-ish we have coffee then go for some food and a few drinks after. This week I cannot make Sunday and he wouldn’t come to me on Friday night as was the original plan so I just told him I would come down on Saturday, he knows not to give me an excuse as I will not take no for an answer. Maybe just tell him you will come to him on Saturday and see what he says. When is he starting the job?

Hope everyone else is doing ok xx

lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Tue Mar 06, 2018 9:02 pm

Hi Ariane

Yes the next court hearing is in April and having a job will help his case to get custody of the children. So it’s very bittersweet but I know it’s going to help him. I just wish it was a better job, he’s good at iT and music but this is just a basic clerical job. He starts next Monday so we have arranged the usual meet up this Friday and I’ll try to be firm about meeting up going forward. I surely have a chance as I’ve been seeing him every week for 6 months now.

Your man seems to be doing so well, I wish mine would take medication but he thinks it dulls his brain too much.

I’m going to get a gel manicure tomorrow lunchtime to cheer myself up. My lovely nail technician is French and we have a nice chat while she does my nails.

Take care

Lillie xx

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Tue Mar 06, 2018 10:02 pm

I am French too... we do love to chat :lol:

mimosas
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby mimosas » Wed Mar 07, 2018 8:50 am

I feel so useless at the moment. I really feel I need to do something, I need to reach out to him but it's so difficult both practically and mentally for me. I just want to get on a plane and go but I don't know how he would react. Just sitting here feeling helpless, its constantly in my head there's too many hours in the day to fill.

I have even had the thought I should just give up but I know that would ultimately make me feel worse. I hate having no resolution in sight. Even if he said give me 6 months it would be easier than this but I also know he wouldn't cope with ultimatum so no good me trying that approach either.

Any ideas?


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