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Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Mon Dec 25, 2017 11:57 pm

I got a message on Xmas eve with a lot of “xx”. I was elated. And today nothing. I am so angry. My friend tells me to go confront him, that the hot and cold is not fair on me... it’s not. It’s coming onto 4wks now, headaches are constant, sleep pattern is disturbed, I am constantly tired and can be on the verge of tears at any time... then I get a “hi honey xx” and my heart feels with hope... hope that comes crashing down a mere few hours later.
Do they realize how much they hurt us? Do they care? I got the I need to do this now because I am afraid I will hurt you... really?? And right now I am having a lot of fun is it?? Like I am not hurting right now?
I am furious today. Whatever excuses we want to make for them... it just doesn’t justify treating us this way. After my abusive marriage I had promised myself I would not allow anyone to hurt me again. I told him all of this, but he told me not to be afraid... look at me now

james80
Posts: 227
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Tue Dec 26, 2017 3:06 pm

The thing I'm always trying to remind myself.is that I'm thinking about things rationally. And when you approach this situation like that it make a absolutely no sense, so.I try and fill in the blanks, curled by my own paranoia (I did something, there is someone else etc) I'm sure their course of action makes perfect sense to them right now but it's a sort of skewed logic bourne out of the depression. So thwwy might at present have no feelings towards us (or towards anything) they may be convinced we are better off without them and this is better for everyone, or they may feel we are part of their wider problems. This might come and go depending on their mood. It's really hard, and blowing hot and cold like that is really hard on us ( I'm mostly getting cold, which I guess is better in a way!)

Stay strong. Look after yourself First and foremost x

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Tue Dec 26, 2017 6:59 pm

I told him I could not take much more of this: conflicting messages and being ignored.
He apologized said he wasn’t ignoring me just busy.
That’s a lie he is ignoring me.
Called me honey again...
But my heart is not filled with hope this time, I am angry and fed up. This is a last chance before I walk away. I cannot start 2018 feeling this way

lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Tue Dec 26, 2017 8:34 pm

I really feel for you. I’m getting the same hot and cold treatment and have had for the past 4 months. He’s off having a great time with his useless mates who think getting him drunk in clubs is helpful and I just worry about him getting into trouble or god knows what. When I see him he’s all hugs and kisses but no sex as he has no sex drive he says (he once hurtfully told me he didn’t want me sexually but his kisses betray him on that score) but when I leave that’s it until I see him again. He used to text, email and Skype me every day but now any indirect contact is minimal. I’m about to walk away too. I’m seeing him on Thursday to tell him. I doubt very much he will actually miss me but I’m not starting 2018 feeling as miserable and unloved as I do now.

Look after yourself Ariane your needs are important too xx

lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Tue Dec 26, 2017 8:56 pm

Liveahappylife and James80 I totally relate to you too. I have been with my man for 4 years, although we don’t live together (its too complicated to explain why). He out of the blue dumped me on our 4th anniversary. Said we weren’t working, he said more hurtful things too but I can’t even type them as they make me cry. Since then I’ve seen him regularly and things improved a bit but not much. He won’t take tablets and counselling isn’t working. He used to text, email and Skype me every day for 4 years but not now. He’s happy going out with his mates getting drunk. He is constantly popping up on whatsapp talking to someone but he selectively responds to my messages and I didn’t get any sort of happy Christmas either despite sending him one. Although he did drunkenly thank me twice for the gifts I gave him. I still read the lovely emails he used to send me, I should delete them but I can’t. I’m close to walking away, I’m seeing him Thursday to tell him, to his face not by text as he did to me, unless I change my mind. I love this man with all my heart, I miss what we had so so much, we were so passionate and in love. I have to think of myself and my needs too though so I’ve got to be brave and end our association.

james80
Posts: 227
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Tue Dec 26, 2017 10:58 pm

Fair play lilliep thats a huge step you are making but sounds like its the right one. Ultimately we have to look after ourselves. Good luck for Thursday x

james80
Posts: 227
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Thu Dec 28, 2017 9:09 pm

I appear to have been blocked on WhatsApp, which is odd as I've tried to be careful not to message her anyway, although I did send a couple of messages (fairly light non judgemental ones not mentioning our relationship) on Christmas day as I knew she'd be on her own. In a way it feels like her decision to block me is a sort of indication that there is still something there on her side. Her apparent indifference tk me was bringing me down so strangely I feel better.

My mood over the whole thing is verybup and down. Mostly I miss her. I miss us, and also I hate the thought of her feeling bad and me.not being able to help in any way. I love and care about her deeply and I can't see that changing anytime soon.

I'm reading the book 'Depression fallout' by Anne Sheffield, which is helping a lot.
.

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Thu Dec 28, 2017 9:52 pm

Sometimes I wish he would block me so I would not have the urge to check last online... I told him I could not take the hurt anymore, that it wasn’t fair. I have asked him to meet me he didn’t give me an answer asked me why I was doing this to him... not sure what it is that I am supposed to be doing but that comment made me mad. I am on my own for the next few days, it gave me the freedom to cry, which I did all day yesterday. Slept, woke up with tears on my face, cried, slept, etc... I needed that release. I am deflated and I don’t know if I care anymore. Sometime In the next couple of days I will need to pull myself from this lethargy. I just want to be in my pyjamas and do nothing. I am giving myself a couple of days to be miserable and sad

I think reading testimonials etc is probably pulling me back. I am always great at making excuses for people but reading more about depression is giving me too many opportunities for excuses. I think ultimately it’s harming me more

lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Thu Dec 28, 2017 11:16 pm

Are you sure you have been blocked James80? Sometimes it seems that way but you haven’t been. I think if your messages just stay on one tick for a long period of time it means you might have been though.

I told him today I couldn’t do ‘just friends’ anymore as it was too painful when I still love him. He just said he was sorry he couldn’t be the man I wanted him to be and hugged me. I’ve gone past feeling angry or sad I just feel numb. I can’t imagine not having him in my life after 4 years but he won’t help himself or even try to fight for us which is sad.

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Thu Dec 28, 2017 11:25 pm

Lilliep big hugs xxxx
James if you can no longer see the profile pic then it is a sure thing you have been blocked. If it’s just the one tick then the phone may be switched off or the phone off WiFi/roaming and the message is not coming through


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