Well as expected, she's read the message last night and has been online this morning but no response. I thought she wouldn't, but I had hoped for a "you too, merry christmas" type response at least. Still time for her to respond I Guess, but I'm.not holding my breathe.
I'm fairly resigned to it all now, which is helping me feel less upset on a day to day basis, but there are still so many things I just don't understand. The way she told me she felt about me, and how she'd liked me for a long long time (we've known each other for almost 10 years) compared to her apparent indifference just a few short weeks later. And also she's always been a very caring person, often putting the needs of others far above her own. She knows this Christmas is always going to be hard for me- I lost my fiancee (my daughter's mum) to leukemia in January (I think this was another stress factor for her in our relationship, I don't think it's easy being in a relationship with a widow/widower although I tried to always be careful around that issue) Looking back, because we both had come from quite dark events at the start of the year maybe we just went headlong into the relationship without really talking over some of the issues that we should have been open and honest with each other about.
I miss my partner in crime. I miss my friend. And I miss the hope our relationship gave me. I'm sad she didn't or couldn't see what we could have done for each other amd been for each other. Because we weren't together long I know I can move on. It just feels like we've been cheated out of something potentially great by her illness. Ive been in enpugh relationships to know the sogns when someone is 'right', and she definitely was.
Life huh? What a ****