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Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

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lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Mon Feb 05, 2018 7:46 pm

Hi Ariane

Don’t give up, you and I seem to be in a slightly different situation in that our depressed ones actually want and promote contact. I’m not saying it’s any easier but I feel it gives more hope. I know in my heart that once my man has this court stuff out of the way and is reunited with his children he will be better. I have to give it until the end of the case, which will be pretty soon, before I make a final decision. We did have a good time Saturday on reflection, the affection is there it’s just the want or need to be in a relationship that isn’t. I can normally deal with it but sometimes the frustration bubbles over and I have to let it out. I don’t have many friends and certainly none who understand, my parents both have health issues and I wouldn’t burden them with this, I have a brother I hardly ever see and I wasn’t able to have children to distract me sadly.

Sally you are not old at all, you will find someone you can trust and who will give you the love you need. Never give up xxx

Lots of posts today, need to catch up.

Lillie xx

sallyc
Posts: 107
Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2018 9:46 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby sallyc » Mon Feb 05, 2018 8:30 pm

Thanks Lillie. People think I'm confident and always tell me I won't be single long. They don't get that it's all a front plus I don't want anyone else. I don't see myself as others see me and had a hard time believing that my ex thought I was "stunning". I guess it's down to my former marriage and being constantly put down for years due to his insecurities. I seem to gravitate to the ones that hurt me. I thought this one was different, I guess not. I think my heart will be safer on my own.

I really hope once that the court case is over that you get the old him back. I really see hope in yours and Arwen's situations. We're here for you if you feel that you have no one to listen to you. xx

arwen2018
Posts: 123
Joined: Sun Dec 17, 2017 12:05 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby arwen2018 » Mon Feb 05, 2018 8:47 pm

Good evening everyone. Back to the UK. Had a really relaxing weekend in Paris. My friend spoilt me rottten and she is so supportive which makes a difference to the usual leave him, it will never work, you’re better off without him... Hoping to go there again for Easter with my son this time.

Ariane and Lillie, your situations are hopeful. It definitely can work.

Sally, you’re not old. One day you will open your heart to love again and you will meet the right person, who will not leave you when things get tough. Take your time. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You will be ok xx

Liveahappylife, thank you for your encouraging words. I’m sorry things have been tough for you too. My ex has blocked my number, but not on Facebook. Although it can be excruciating, I feel that I can at least keep an eye on him from a distance. He hasn’t posted anything new on there but maybe he’s using Messenger to communicate to others rather than being on FB.

I’m not sure how I feel about it all at the moment. Possibly numb... My friends, everybody I meet say I will be snapped in no time but I don’t feel that way. It takes me a long time to let guys into my life and I guess I’m very fussy about guys I want to be with. Anyway, I won’t be ready to meet anyone for a while.

James, I hope your letter will be well received. Maybe not straight away, but maybe one day when she’s better.

Take good care of yourselves xx

james80
Posts: 228
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Mon Feb 05, 2018 9:14 pm

I'm so glad you had a nice time Arwen. Paris is a wonderful city xx

sallyc
Posts: 107
Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2018 9:46 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby sallyc » Mon Feb 05, 2018 9:24 pm

Thanks Arwen. I'm glad you had a nice time in Paris. I feel the numbness at the moment. I'm exactly like you. I don't easily let any man into my life. Friends/family are well meaning saying these things to us, bless them, but I don't think they understand how we feel at the moment. I definitely won't be ready to let anyone in for a long time (if ever).

Paris, Easter time sounds lovely. It's good to have something to look forward to. Im trying to plan things now. Going to see 50 shades :shock: and out for some food with friends next week. I'll probably take the kids somewhere as it's half term. I just need to get past Valentines and my birthday next week and not think of the plans we had for them first. Not holding out any hope for a Happy birthday from him though, whereas last week I would be in denial and thinking I might get a message.

Keep strong everyone xx

liveahappylife
Posts: 46
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2017 10:49 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby liveahappylife » Wed Feb 07, 2018 12:59 am

@Arwen - Glad you had a nice break in Paris - a change of scenery always helps. I can so relate to the comment about being snapped up - my family and friends say the same thing that I wont be single for long. But the person I want to be snapped up by no longer “wants” me... I like you also take a while to let someone in because when I fall for that person, I fall hard. It will be 3 months since the break up (almost 2 months since I last saw him and 3 weeks since I got that message out of the blue for my birthday) and I am still hurting and missing him so much. Im crying as I type this. I just want to hurry up and move on and have this memory of him fade. It’s amazing how people change overnight.

We just have to keep pressing on xx

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Wed Feb 07, 2018 4:52 am

Feeling pretty low. He still hasn’t responded whether he will meet me this wkend for that dinner I owe him from our bet. I think it’s because he’s tired after the last weekend and the celebration for his friends anniversary but he’s not even telling me that. I am concerned that now this milestone (anniversary) has gone - he was looking forward to the party - I am afraid he is about to sink in the dark place again.
He’s responding to my messages as normal but I feel off.
I know that the reason I feel that way is 1. He was also chatting to someone else on whatsapp yesterday (I doubt it’s another woman but the doubt lingers) 2. If he doesn’t meet me it will be another 2wks before we can potentially meet again. I can’t bear that thought 3. His friend messaged me back after I asked him to keep my number and let me know if my guy was struggling, he never confirmed that he would, I feel like a stalker again.
I told myself last night I wouldn’t message him. I was visiting a friend and while there I heard a phone buzz, was convinced it was him messaging me but it was my friends phone. I am fed up of being disappointed. As soon as I got home I texted him. He responded pretty much straight away but I can’t even not text him when I tell myself not to and I hate that I am so weak... he did respond but I wish he’d text first. I am now thinking that him doing so at the wkend was a fluke he was bored and figured I’d just answer. But he’s not like that, he doesn’t have it in him to be manipulative or using me and I feel bad thinking this... I am all over the place... middle of the night and wide awake. I think it’s the week that it’s in, work stuff too going on. I keep thinking that the one thing that would make things better is one of his tight hugs

lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Wed Feb 07, 2018 9:05 am

Hi Ariane

Oh my goodness I totally understand how you feel xx My guy rarely confirms plans with me, I am meant to be seeing him tomorrow but I’ve just sent him a message to check that’s still OK as he’s not been very conversant this week, well not with me anway. He assures me he’s not wanting a relationship with anyone right now but I have doubts too being an DJ he’s awful popular. When we had a stupid arguement and split up for a few weeks a year or so ago he was chatting with other women online within days (he confessed after we got back together, begged me not to hate him for it). He said this was because he was annoyed with me and now he isn’t, I tend to trust him on this but .....

It’s the lack of empathy I find hard, he’s just got no emotion, I honestly think he doesn’t understand why I find this situation difficult. His counsellor told him she couldn’t help as he had no control over his situation. He told her he was cutting himself off emotionally and just doing what he wanted and she fully supported that as a coping mechanism!! So he does what he wants and I have zero priority. It seems depression needs a lot of forgoving.

Ariane I can’t offer any helpful advise as I’m in the same position and I don’t know what to do either. All I can say is I’ll always listen and I truly do understand.

Take care

Lillie xx

james80
Posts: 228
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Wed Feb 07, 2018 11:37 am

Sorry to hear people having a rough time. I think that talking to other women etc is far easier than talking to your significant other, because there isn't the weight if expectation, stress and guilt that comes with interacting with us they dont matter to them, so go that can converse with them. It seems just another cruel facet of the illness. But equally it doesn't mean anything and we shouldn't worry about it, however much it hurts. Weirdly it sort of confirms their feelings for us.

Hope everyone is ok xx

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Wed Feb 07, 2018 5:08 pm

Thanks Lille and James.
That rollercoaster of emotions is just exhausting. I had been so positive and hopeful the last couple of weeks, this really came crashing on top of me. Thank you for being here, listening and responding it means a lot xxx
He’s agreed to meet me at the weekend. I still feel “blah” I am overtired and have some level of stress factor in work too, which doesn’t really help the matter.

On another note I was on a day off today and accompanied my younger daughter on a school outing. For the first time ever I Gave her big sister the day off school and her and I travelled together just the 2 of us before we reached the group. She’s about to turn the big 13 so these moments when she actually wants to talk to me are becoming rare and far between. It was a lovely day.


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