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Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
james80
Posts: 228
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Mon Feb 05, 2018 10:49 am

I've done a lot of reading online about these sorts of scenarios (I guess we all have-desperately trying to make sense of it all!) And the sad thing is that not many stories have happy endings. I think the illness can take so long to recover from, if they ever do, far longer than most people can humanly take. You do see testimony of people who have sacrificed years and years of repeated indignities and heartbreak. It's such an awful thing and I think us, as discarded partners, are just as much victims as our significant others.

Ultimately we have our own lives to lead and we need to put ourselves first after a while.

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Mon Feb 05, 2018 3:41 pm

I feel very sad reading these last few messages; it all appears like an impossible battle, an exhausting fight without reward at the end. And I understand all the emotions that everyone is feeling because I feel them too on and off

But...

I don’t want to accept that this impossible battle is the case in my situation. My interactions with my guy have been more frequent and easy going the last couple of weeks, although we did discuss hard stuff too in our last meet-up. Yesterday for the first time in weeks he instigated the chats. On Saturday he put on his social media that dinner was on me after the defeat of my team against his. I am not giving up the fight or hope ...

Stay strong all xxx

sallyc
Posts: 107
Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2018 9:46 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby sallyc » Mon Feb 05, 2018 5:17 pm

Thanks Lillie. It's an awful feeling. I don't feel brave at the moment but I had to do it as I didn't want to affect my children. I know he feels bad for doing what he did and my last message to him was positive. At least he knows I care and love him deeply. No more I can do unfortunately. The being in limbo is heartbreaking and isn't fair. I hope you have the strength to do what's right for you xx

Yes James, I've read so much over these past few weeks and I also don't see many happy endings. Feels so hopeless and cruel doesn't it. I hope you're ok xx

Ariane. Keep doing what you're doing it sounds positive. Remember to look out for your own feelings through this. I'll have my fingers crossed for you.

My friend just texted me to say she's booked for us to go and see the rugby in Cardiff in March, something to look forward to. Just trying to keep busy at the moment. He's still always on my mind though and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I don't think I'll ever let myself fall for anyone again. How sad is that, I'm 41 and it seems I'm destined to be single forever. I can't ever see myself with anyone else, I'm so broken.

Hope everyone else is Ok? xx

james80
Posts: 228
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Mon Feb 05, 2018 5:33 pm

It will seem that way now Sally. But at least you've given yourself the chance to move on with your life, and doing so for the benefit of your children is an incredibly strong and mature choice and utterly the right one. You will meet someone else, of that I have no doubt. We all deserve a happier future. For some that might mean reconciliation, for others it might mean moving on. I have no doubt we are all caring loving people, which is why we are still sticking around, and that is why we will end up with people we deserve.

sallyc
Posts: 107
Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2018 9:46 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby sallyc » Mon Feb 05, 2018 6:44 pm

Thanks James. We do deserve happiness. It took me 5 years to let someone in after separating from my ex husband and I'd fallen out of love with him. I can't ever imagine finding anyone else as the Love I have for my ex is so huge. I'm afraid he's ruined me, I don't think I'll ever trust or let anyone in again. My confidence and self-esteem has hit rock bottom.

I know I'll start to feel better in time, as will all of you, I just wish we could fast forward to that time.

xx

liveahappylife
Posts: 47
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2017 10:49 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby liveahappylife » Mon Feb 05, 2018 7:07 pm

Hi everyone...

I’m trying to catch up on everything I have missed. I have been travelling with work (much needed change of scenery) but crying myself to sleep in the hotel room. I miss him terribly. Im struggling and panicky still. I thought I would (and should) be feeling better by now but Im not. I saw that his new friends (some females) have posted pictures of him with them and it looks like he is having a great time without me. I feel sick to the stomach. How can they just move on and get on with life?!
Im trying so hard...I have good days and bad days. I dont think he will ever come back. I just wish I could unmeet him and be free in my head.

Sorry for the miserable post. I just feel horrible.

Hope everyone is having a better start to the week than I am xx

james80
Posts: 228
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Mon Feb 05, 2018 7:21 pm

"I dont think he will ever come back. I just wish I could unmeet him and be free in my head."

I definitely relate to this. Today I spoke to her a few times. We were fine. But every time we have days like this it reinforces the thought that she's moved on from me and that I'm consigned to a memory of the past. She was messaging someone all day on her phone. Of course it could well be a friend...but you can't stop your brain from filling in the blanks...

Ironically before she stopped contacting me she said that she almost wished we hadn't got together because then she couldn't have made me sad. At the time I said that I didn't as the good times We had more than outweighed the bad. As time has gone on that balance has shifted.

I'm ready to send my letter. I need to bring things to a head as I dont feel I can carry on in limbo aleays worrying that that would be the day id find out shes definitely over me. But I'm so scared of what the outcome could be.

liveahappylife
Posts: 47
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2017 10:49 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby liveahappylife » Mon Feb 05, 2018 7:30 pm

Ok gradually catching up..

@Sally, good on you for being the bigger person. Someone as hard as it is, we just have to walk away. I too havent messaged my ex since I last saw him in Dec to collect my things (oh and just a thank you to my bday message he sent 2 weeks ago). I also havent blocked him (my friends think I should so that he hasnt got access to me) but I dont want to. Part of me wants to leave that door open. But I have trained myself not to contact him. Although I do check to see if he is online now and again, I dont message. If he wants me back in his life, then he has to message me and do the work. Xx

@lillie, you definitely need to look out for yourself. These exes of ours become so complacent because they know that they have someone there who will bend over backwards for them no matter what (well so they think!). You have to look after your own interests. It may mean cooling off with the visits. I totally understand your frustration! This one way traffic is so annoying. As much as I dont wish bad on any of them, I truly believe we all reap what we sow. They cant go through life crapping on good people. Xxx

@arwen, sorry to hear that you have been blocked. Take the positive that it will help you to begin to move on. It is awful, but sometimes I guess they have to be cruel to be kind. Im my ex wont contact me because he knows that he has hurt me and feels ashamed about the way he behaved towards me. You can do it. Xxx

@James how are you getting on? Xx

liveahappylife
Posts: 47
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2017 10:49 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby liveahappylife » Mon Feb 05, 2018 7:36 pm

@ James - I know what you mean about filling in the blanks. My ex has been online on whatsapp non stop and Im convinced he has a new woman. Who else would you be messaging non stop?! I know what we were like when we started. Anyway, I try to not think about it cause I get sick to the stomach. It’s amazing how feelings change. I mean I shared incredible moments and holidays with my ex and when things were good it was brilliant. But all this drama has really just left a sour taste and left me wondering what is actually that good even?!

Glad you are ready to send it. Dont focus on her response (because she may not even respond), just focus on the fact that this is you getting it out of your system! Xx

sallyc
Posts: 107
Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2018 9:46 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby sallyc » Mon Feb 05, 2018 7:44 pm

Hi Liveahappylife. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so horrible. I feel your pain. The only saving grace I have is my ex is no longer on Facebook (unless he's blocked me) so I can't see what he's up to. I was gutted when he changed his WhatsApp picture to one of him smiling with his boys! How could he be smiling when I'm so heartbroken! So I can't imagine how you're feeling seeing him having fun with friends and other females. I also check to see if he's online everyday. I'm sure I'll stop sometime but not yet.

I had the exact same thought today about wishing I could unmeet him, life would be so much easier.

Please don't apologise for your post, I think we're all feeling the same from what I'm reading.

James, the fear of sending the letter is awful isn't it. I was so scared when I met up with him last week. I didn't want him to tell me there was no hope. Now I know there's no hope at least I'm no longer in limbo. It hurts like hell though and I struggle every minute of the day but at least I know now. How long can you carry on suffering the not knowing? Only you know how much more you can take. We're all here to support you, whatever the outcome.

I really wish for a happy ending for us all. We are such caring people, we deserve it so much. xx


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