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Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Sat Feb 03, 2018 9:11 pm

Lillie I hope today went well

James the content of your letter sounds perfect.

Eggshells ... yes constantly. This is frustrating and exhausting.
My guys best friend messaged me back. It seems pretty clear he has not told my guy of my message and he’s told me that he does keep an eye on my guy, which is a relief. I have asked him to let me know if he feels my guy is struggling further. He has not read that message yet but I feel more at peace that his friends also know and look out for him.

lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Sat Feb 03, 2018 9:29 pm

Today went well except for the fact he had agreed to go out for his mates birthday this evening so he had to go at 7.00 (and he couldn’t get out of bed to meet me before 1.00). He invited me along but later said he hadn’t meant to. Given I travel an hour to see him and it costs me £24 rail fare every time I’m getting a bit tired of this. When he’s with me it all hugs and love but when it’s time to go that’s it. I really feel like giving up, I’ve really had enough of this I think ...

Wishing everyone a peaceful weekend

Lillie xx

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Sat Feb 03, 2018 11:03 pm

I know how you feel Lillie
Big hugs xxxx

lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Sun Feb 04, 2018 10:02 am

Thanks Ariane xx

james80
Posts: 228
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Sun Feb 04, 2018 10:09 am

This whole thing just sends you so up and down doesn't it? And an incredible.amount of effort. You know in your heart what is best lillie x

lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Sun Feb 04, 2018 10:28 am

Yes James the ups and downs are a killer. His friends just take him out drinking all night, spending money he can’t afford. He probably didn’t get home intil the early hours and he’ll sleep all day and wake up with a hangover. He says the only thing that makes him happy is his children, which I understand, but he honestly has no idea how to look after 3 young children and he won’t even start trying to make a home for them, the court will expect this but he thinks they will just hand them over into his custody and then he can find a home big enough and get a job. He won’t accept my help at all, I spent 4 years supporting this man yet he complains he has no support and no one cares. I honestly give up. I’m not going to contact him, if he contacts me I’ll consider responding but I’m just fed up of it all. I don’t feel sad, thankfully 5 months of this has erased any sadness.

arwen2018
Posts: 123
Joined: Sun Dec 17, 2017 12:05 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby arwen2018 » Sun Feb 04, 2018 12:11 pm

Hi everyone

I agree with all your comments on having to walk on eggshells. We shouldn’t feel that way. I understand your frustration Lillie. They need to take responsibility to get better and do whatever needs to be done to get back on track. You’ve done what you can, it’s now up to him. You can’t mother him or you’ll burn out.

As for me, my guy has blocked me. It hurts because I haven’t done anything wrong to deserve this. He was supposed to think about whether I should wait for him. As you all know, I was prepared to do so, providing he sticks with his treatment. It’s clear by blocking me that he doesn’t want anything to do with me. I’m disappointed that he didn’t have the respect to tell me. From what his cousin told me, his mental health is getting worse. Although he looks better and having more social interactions, he’s behaving oddly, as if he’s having mania cycle. He’s been saying he wants to remortgage his house to buy a car as an investment, when he should be getting a job and pay off his debts. He’s getting drunk and staying up all night on Facebook. It’s as if he’s gone back 15 years ago and being a lad again. If that’s the case, it’s highly possible he’s chatting to women and might start having flings, just as he used to before he got married. His cousin is frustrated as he’s bent backwards for him to get him on the training course and my ex (it’s now definitely ex) hadn’t completed the e-learnings before and still hadn’t done it so far. His cousin lost money last time and can’t afford to lose money again, but also doesn’t want to waste his time that he could be spending it with his family. It’s as if my ex doesn’t care anymore and has given up. He’s spiralling down and if he carries that way, he’s going to lose his children and his home. I feel so bad for his kids. But I can’t do anymore for him. As heartbreaking as it is, I need to let go and move on. It’s beyond my control now. His family should be getting on board but they haven’t. He’s not my responsibility, even though, my ex never wanted my help or support. I deserve better. We all do.

Sorry about the rant. Hope you all have a peaceful Sunday xx

lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Sun Feb 04, 2018 12:19 pm

Hi Arwen

So sorry things aren’t so good for you either. We all deserve better than wasting our time and love on these people.

Take care

Lillie xx

sallyc
Posts: 107
Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2018 9:46 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby sallyc » Sun Feb 04, 2018 1:11 pm

Hi guys. Sorry I haven't been on, I've been trying to cope with the relationship ending and never seeing him again. I feel so empty.

Arwen: I'm so truly sorry that he has blocked you. They seem to block everything out don't they. You have done everything you can and more, it's time to look after yourself. Bug hugs, I know how hard it is. xx

Lillie: Same goes to you, truly sorry. You have given everything for months, how much more can you take? Maybe distancing yourself from him may make him realise what he's missing? Maybe not but you need to look after yourself now. Let him come to you xx

James: The letter sounds good, at least then, she'll know exactly how you feel. The ball will be in her court. If she doesn't respond, it will be her loss I'm afraid. She will lose one of the good guys and there aren't many of them about.

It seems we have all given our everything into helping them and' ultimately, it is up to them. They will realise that they let something so special go. I know that they will all regret it but the fog that they're in and maybe some denial, isn't allowing them to see clearly. Depression is a cruel illness and only they can help themselves unfortunately.

I got a response from my ex the other night. He said thank you for meeting up and for all the good times and if I was ever struggling, to text him. This was in response to my earlier text when I said all them things to him. I replied with Thanks but I wouldn't be texting him. He needs to mend and doesn't want me messaging him. Hope he gets everything he wants with his children because they all truly deserve it. Then said goodbye. He then said thank you and goodbye xx I haven't deleted him from WhatsApp yet but I also know that I won't be messaging him. I think I've left him on there so that he has the option to contact me if he wants.

I've booked a trip to sunny Blackpool :lol: at the end of the month with my friend, who was dumped before Christmas. I need something to look forward to as it's Valentine's soon then my birthday two days after that. I need to get all the plans we had out of my head.

Hope everyone else is doing Ok? xx

lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Mon Feb 05, 2018 9:03 am

Hi Sally

I hope you feel a little better today. I know how painful the empty feeling is. I went through that when he abruptly stopped loving me. The daily emails, Skype chats and weekends at his literally ended overnight and suddenly my life was very empty. All I can say it gets better in time and probably quicker for you as you took the brave step not to prolong things. I think I should have done the same really, this limbo I’m in isn’t good.

Take care

Lillie xx


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