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Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
jx
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Jun 16, 2014 6:58 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby jx » Mon Jun 16, 2014 7:14 pm

Hi there I realise this was posted a few years ago but hthis. as anyone got any advice for me. I have been dating a bloke since the beginning of the year and this has happened again :( I miss him so much.

He is really struggling financially. He works all hours but is on minimum wage! I haven't seen him for nearly a month. He kept saying he was feeling low and I would reassure him because he works really hard and is a lovely person, every time he arranged to see me he ended up cancelling and then he said he was struggling with everything and said he couldn't face seeing me upset but he said he would like to be friends which I was happy to do as I really care about him. We chatted very briefly after this which he texted after to say was nice but something must have happened since as communication has gone to almost nothing I asked him how he was and he said not good.

I have suffered with depression in the past and he knows this. I have suggested counselling but didn't hear anything back. I don't want to give up on him!

New&Confused
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2014 4:57 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby New&Confused » Mon Sep 01, 2014 5:24 pm

So sorry to hear you are going through this, as had similar, altho he blamed me for ruining the relationship for some reason I have no clear idea, as he was at his lowest ebb so cd be depression talking - now 3 months of it and no recent contact. It is hard not to ourselves become depressed. Being robbed is exactly how I felt also. Hoping for him to come back to prior might be an illusion sorry to say or a fleeting dream. Prof and other bop sufferers advice I was given was:
- If he isn't med compliant, seeing therapists regularly and doing everything to manage his illness then this cycle will just reoccur so you will have to ask yourself whether you want this as a life, as much as you dream it could be if only...(or wish not to lose to the third party 'the depression' - we all do.
- for some, it can;t hurt to look in to co-dependent white knight tendancies where applicable to some people in longer term relationships where this happens just incase as it can apply to some of us caregivers trying to fix them
- step back and away from the situation and try to not contact for a while to try to get clarity and help yourself get emotionally back on track. None of it is easy
- don;t try to search for answers (I am clearly ignoring this as on a forum, lol) as it is often trying to make sense of an illogical situation
. Seek your own closure
SO that was the advice given to me I am trying to take heed of, not easy and my hearts go out to both bp/depression sufferers and those who care for them

Linnie
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Sep 13, 2014 6:07 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby Linnie » Sat Sep 13, 2014 6:47 pm

Hi,

I've been with my boyfriend 17 months and his major depression has really hit all time low 8 weeks ago. He has suffered with depression for years and had therapy in his early 20's for depression and bulimia. When I met him, we were so happy and he asked me to move in at about 3 months into relationship. He was saving to do the bathroom and then to fit new wardrobes in the spare room for me. I was in no rush to move in so we carried on as normal. We had spent the most amazing Christmas together. Then on NYD there was notification that there would a threat to his livelihood (black taxi driver). UBER plus TFL given minicabs the same rights as black taxis, worried him tremendously (and the rest of black taxi drivers). The depression hit then was gradually getting worse with some periods he was winning. His nan almost died in hospital from a stomach operation that went wrong, niece was born prematurely, his mum had found a lump in her breast (already recovering from breast cancer) then he discovered his white blood count levels were low and may need bone marrow treatment. 6 weeks ago he wanted to end it as he said that it wasn't fair for me to live is life as he will never get better. Therapies do not work and he had stopped taking his antidepressants as they wasn't working and he was putting on weight. The weight gain was minimal but when you have an eating disorder it's masses. If he doesn't fit into his jeans this spiralled him into self hate. I sent him several emails stating how much I loved him and was willing to wait until he started to lift. I know if it was the other way round he would do it for me and as his family have said. They have never seen him so happy as when he was with me.

My problems are when he last went to des to request change in antidepressants she told him he had to stay on them longer (he was on them 3months at that stage) and when he went for the review he was so low he just took the same med prescription. He dismisses therapy as it never works nor do antidepressants and refuses to seek any help. His family are at a loss and I am distraught. He is such a wonderful man and it kills everyone to see him like this. The last text I had was telling me to move on with my life as he's no good for me and needs to be on his own. He never wants another relationship as the depression has won

What should I do???

lnb
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Dec 22, 2015 1:00 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lnb » Tue Dec 22, 2015 1:19 pm

I am in a similar situation and unsure what to do... My boyfriend, whom I have only been with for 7 months was recently diagnosed with depression about a month ago although he believes he's been like this for years (well before he met me) and has recently hit an all time low. He is doing everything possible to push me away...

It was my birthday a month ago and he was amazing, seemed like the person I'd met and fallen in love with, but in the last 3 weeks or so he has been constantly pushing me away. The first time was when he went on a night out with his friends and ended up taking cocaine (he is extremely against drugs, as am I). He felt awful about it and it upset me a lot. He appologised and I said we'd just move forward from it. Just over a week ago he went out with another friend clubbing and kissed another girl. He said he doesn't know why he did it but he just went out with the mentality that night that he didn't care what happened, this was suprising to me due to the fact that he was in an emotionally abusive relationship before me and Was cheated on more time than you can count! As you can imagine this upset me greatly and ended up causing me to have a breakdown and get sent home from uni 2 days before I was due to be home.

As it is currently the Christmas period, this is when I need him most as my mum died nearly a year ago and so this is my first Christmas without her and I need him more than ever but yet again he pushes me away by telling me that he is no longer attracted to me. He knows that he loves me dearly and he wants to be with me but he is struggling to believe that he can get better. He was put on anti-d's but they are quite obviously not working. He hasn't had the support from his family that he needs and it took us nearly breaking up for him to show his mum just how bad he was. She has now booked him a dctrs appointment for just after Christmas to hopefully change his meds or up the dosage because I do think they were working in the beginning!

I have many issues that I need to work through myself and when I get back to uni I am starting up with a counsellor but I need advice to get through this Christmas period! We were meant to be spending Christmas Eve and Boxing Day with each other and my dad and I are hosting a New Year's Eve party in memory of my mum that he was meant to go to but now all he wants is to be alone and doesn't want to be around anyone, but at the same time I need him. I know that with his problems it's not something he can just push past but it is affecting my mental state too. I need him right now as well as he needs me. I don't know how to get through Christmas without him, I feel as though I may breakdown without that support too!

Is there any advice anyone can give me to help him feel okay? Because i can't go on being treated this badly anymore! Please help!

loui
Posts: 11
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2016 5:37 am

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby loui » Thu Jul 28, 2016 6:18 am

Depressions seems to be very similar in all cases. I wonder if @bathgirl and @Smyth finally got together with their men. It's been almost five years now and it would be great for the rest of us, who are currently under the same situation, to know what happened with their relationships.

My partner was diagnosed with depression a year and a half ago. Three months ago, after telling me he loved me, etc., a week later, he broke up with me and has been having sex like crazy since then, with a woman that used to be his mistress.

The feeling of your man changing from one day to the next is just awful. The pain is almost insurmountable.

After reading these threads (this conversation in particular and many others), I think that, probably, my man will never come back. What a horrible illness depression is..

roseanne234
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2016 4:07 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby roseanne234 » Sat Aug 27, 2016 11:34 am

[...] (got scared he would see it)
Last edited by roseanne234 on Sat Aug 27, 2016 11:08 pm, edited 11 times in total.

Isap
Posts: 1620
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby Isap » Sat Aug 27, 2016 1:00 pm

Hi Roseanne

If you read the other replies on this thread, you will know how common this wretched situation is.

Firstly, you have done nothing wrong. Being intimate may have been a trigger for him but it doesn't really matter. The question you need to ask if whether he is worth the trouble and distress he is going to cause you in the future if you pursue this relationship. Being a carer for a mentally ill person is demanding.

The best you can do is text him to say you understand he needs his space but you are there if he needs you. Then wait patiently. It's a horrible situation I know.

You're a caring loyal girl so you should be proud of yourself.

Isap x

india
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue May 16, 2017 9:13 am

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby india » Tue May 16, 2017 9:58 am

Hi I've been with my boyfriend for nearly six years we have two little boys and even been engaged and also he asked me again a year ago. We've been going through this for the whole time we've been together but he is actually in denial that he is depressed but when under the influence of alcohol he tells me he is depressed and thinks about ending his life almost everyday but it's his sons that stop him from doing this. There is a pattern with him he will get really low and then one thing that wasn't a big deal will make him walk out our lives or he will do something purposely that will split us up and he'll blame me for everything insult me and so on he's even told me he doesn't love me etc, then a few weeks will pass and then he comes back telling me how much he loves me and and we are everything to him, hes full of affection and so on but then 6-8 months later sometimes less we're back to square one again. When we're together we don't argue he treats me to holidays city breaks for birthdays and valentines day we go out for meals etc. It'll firstly start off wirh him not speaking he stops all affection no more telling me he loves me he gets angrier goes away to his bed really early. At the moment he has been away from us for nearly 5 weeks but still comes to see our sons doesn't speak to me and doesn't make eye contact but will text me asking me things nothing to do with us or what he's doing though, just now he's putting on a front acting like he's happy that he's not in a relationship or living with us which he usually does and puts everything into his work and training to keep him busy then the angry stage with the nasty texts etc will come then him wanting back. The thing is there are mental health issues in his family such as schizophrenia and also depression, but he will not go to the doctors he did go once but didn't open up and tell the doctor everything so the doctor thought it was just day to day stresses that everyone goes through. Even though he blames me I know it's not down to me because he was like this before I met him and thought he had manic depression but yet he'll still put all the blame on me etc and be in denial about everything he'll also lie and keep things from me and even accuse me of things that's never happened. Right now I'm at a point whether I walk away for good or hang on to see if he'll actually get help the hard thing is that I love him so much and we have two little boys, right now I don't contact him unless it's about our boys I'm hoping the space will give him time to think but then again there's also a chance that he won't get help and then move onto someone else. It's such a hard thing to go through especially when kids are involved but how can he help us if he wont help himself.......

lishacool

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lishacool » Wed May 31, 2017 9:42 am

Post removed by Moderating team

Isap
Posts: 1620
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby Isap » Wed May 31, 2017 10:24 am

Can the spell caster get me out of jail?


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