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Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
james80
Posts: 228
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Wed Apr 04, 2018 3:51 pm

Hey Mr B.

She may not respond but she's read it. That's something at least!

I'm ok. Just plodding on. She's got some random back and neck pain at the moment (most likely some of the random aches and pains depressed peope are apparently prone to) which is hard as I want to check she's ok etc (id really like to offer her help in some way) but trying to keep up the very meagre contact. It's hard to go against your natural inclinations!

It's odd. We've been chatting a lot more lately, through the work whatsapp group not 1 on 1 but she wouldn't even speak to me on that a few weeks/months ago. Just as friends bjt chatting and joking and I'm reminding myself that it is just as friends before that damned hope raised its head again. Of cpurse she may think I'm fine now and moved on, but it's only 6 weeks or so since I last told her I loved her so I doubt she thinks I've moved on so fast. It's a good sign we can rebuild some sort of friendship at least. Or at least I hope it is. She seems to be slowly emerging from her depression. Still a way to go I think but she seems a lot better than she was.

I'm just carrying on with my route of zero expectation. We are broken up and the last thing she told me was that she had no feelings for me. If I just concentrate on that I am able to move forward. And I still don't have any more idea of her relationship status with that guy!

mr.brightside
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2018 12:40 am

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby mr.brightside » Wed Apr 04, 2018 5:06 pm

Displayed (two blue tick marks on WhatsApp), but not necessarily read...
I'm kidding myself thinking she's not had enough time to think about it, process it etc. But if she wanted to, she would have already...

james80
Posts: 228
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Wed Apr 04, 2018 5:08 pm

Or if she's capable? I thought two blue ticks was seen?

mr.brightside
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2018 12:40 am

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby mr.brightside » Wed Apr 04, 2018 6:14 pm

Seen/displayed - the same thing. Seeing the message doesn't actually guarantee recepient read it...

james80
Posts: 228
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Wed Apr 04, 2018 6:33 pm

True. She may well have read it and doesn't feel able to respond. It doesnt mean it's not been read and appreciated.

lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Thu Apr 05, 2018 7:51 am

Hi Mr B

I’m with you on the false hope thing. I almost wish he had just cut me off totally way back in September. Instead we meet up every week, chat frequently on Skype, text and call, we hug, kiss and to the outside world act like we are very together. But when I tell him I love him he looks at me benignly and tells me right now he has no feelings for anyone. I know he’s not seeing anyone else. I just hope the court grants him contact with his children and that changes things. I also hope they order psychological counselling (it’s likely) as he’s holding on to so much anger and bitterness about this whole thing it’s ruining his life in many ways.

I think you have done all you can with your lady. It’s pretty much down to her now. Don’t give up though.

I hope everyone else is doing OK.

Lillie xx

james80
Posts: 228
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Sun Apr 08, 2018 4:40 pm

Hi, how is everyone doing?

I'm starting to feel more disconnected from everything now. The distance and limited contact is working I guess. I'm also starting to realise how long it's been since the break up. Given that more time has now passed than the actual relationship I am starting to feel a little silly.

Although I am certain she is still not 'well' I am starting to reason that if she was going to change her mind she'd have reached out by now. At least a little bit. And that actually I am out of her life. If she's in a relationship it's a pretty casual sort of thing compared to what we had and maybe that's what she wants? Maybe after all I was just a fantasy. Or a transition. Or even a rebound!

Other than that realisation and the feelings of disappointment that leaves me with I'm otherwise ok. Had a nice few weekends with my daughter. The house purchase is getting closer to finalising. Life goes on!

lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Sun Apr 08, 2018 5:36 pm

Hi James

Glad things are feeling better for you. I’m not doing so well. Went to see him yesterday. He had been out with his hard drinking mates the night before so couldn’t even get out of bed until 1.00. Just for once he was happy to let me talk about how I feel so I was very honest. I told him just friends wasn’t what I wanted and it was making me sad. He told me he loved and cared about me as a friend but nothing more and didn’t know if he ever would. He said he didn’t want to loose me and agreed he had let the case take over his life too much that he had shut down emotionally to protect himself. Scarily he told me he had split with me to partly to protect me from hurt as he thought he might cheat on me, but he hasn’t. He asked if we should stop meeting as I found it so hard and seemed surprised when I said yes. He hugged me so tight it was like he never wanted to let me go but he did. He sent me a message today saying can we still try the friends thing, he wants us to go to watch the cricket together etc. I don’t know if he wants this as he thinks he might feel differently in the future when all this court stuff is over or what. So I’m have a feeling sorry for myself day.

Hope everyone else is doing OK.

Lillie xx

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Sun Apr 08, 2018 8:51 pm

Hi Lillie, sorry to read this last message.
This is very confusing as based on what you were saying before he hugs and kisses you with passion when you are together. He’s being very unfair to you and quite selfish knowing that you are hurting but yet still seeking friendship. What is your frame of mind now, have you responded to him?

James, glad to read you are feeling better.

I spent the wkend with my guy. I was very tired and a bit unwell on Saturday so he set me up in his room for a nap and cuddled with me until I felt better. He showed me kindness and affection and definitely wants to make me happy when I am with him. I told him that I am afraid he may flip and push me away again. That’s when he told me the dark thoughts are back... his prescription ran out and he has been off his meds about a week... this is how quickly the chemicals have left his body. I am the only person he has told about the dark thoughts being back. He’s seeing his counsellor tomorrow and I have told him to talk to his friends as I am 1hr away. I told him that if he didn’t tell his friends I would. I also cannot see him next wkend so need to make sure he’s fine. We bumped into a lot of acquaintances of his over the course of the 2 days. When they probe I get introduced as his girlfriend.
Overall it was a nice weekend but the previous easiness of our relationship always seem to now be overshadowed by concerns and worries I feel.

arwen2018
Posts: 123
Joined: Sun Dec 17, 2017 12:05 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby arwen2018 » Sun Apr 08, 2018 9:21 pm

Hi everyone

I have been reading the posts but haven’t had the energy to write any. I’ve come to the point where I’ve had enough of talking about my ex and his MH issues. I’m moving on and I can say that I’m in a much much better place. My old self is back. I’m taking enjoyment in everything I do again. I’m still very busy socially and all my weekends are filled with things to do. I went to Paris with my son for Easter. I’m not ready to date yet but I’m enjoying being single, doing what I want and what I like. It’s so empowering. I still think about my ex and feel sad that we can’t be together. But it’s not consuming me anymore. So there is life and hope after fallout.

James, I’m so glad you’re moving forward with your life.

Lillie, I’m so sorry about your guy. His loss. But I think it’s time to set boundaries with him. You can’t be friends with him because you want more. I understand that. He can’t expect you to stick around for him as a friend, if that’s not what you want. I hope you’ll find peace soon.

Ariane, I’m glad things are still progressing positively with your guy. He needs to get back on his meds though or his MH will go down very quickly.

Wishing you all peace xx


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