Heartbroken wrote:Hi, I am so upset. My boyfriend of 2 years has been suffering from depression for 3 years, he's on quite a lot of medication for it.
Lately a lot of bad things have happened to him, his job was getting him down for months and our relationship was under a lot of strain, we were getting on ok but he wouldn't want to go out anywhere, was always talking about work and was always on edge. We had some sexual problems which we tried to sort out but then he lost his sex drive completely and it's now been 7 months! I supported him through all of this, tried to be as understanding as a saint would be. Anyway, he walked out of his job 3 months ago, which was a bit silly but he said he couldnt take anymore and that he would find a new job soon. He immediately changed personality, back to the guy i met, joking and laughing, he even looked different and we were getting on great but then he couldnt find another job, he got more and more stressed, the worst ive seen him. He found another job though and it was the one he wanted and the start date was june, and he seemed better again except that he has no way of paying his bills, rent, insurance etc. but then they emailed him and told him he cant start until july. This made him go into being severely depressed, and when he does this he pushes everyone away and sleeps pretty much 24/7. This has happened once since Ive been with him, last september and he broke up with me over the phone and for a month i was in such a mess i got ill myself, we stayed in contact, during the month and i was doing a lot of begging (stupid i know) and he was saying it was because of his depression.
I knew the same thing was coming again, he has refused to see me for the last 2 weeks, saying he needed space because hes ill again, and his txtx to me were like he was talking to a stranger (hes usually very affectionate). this morning he rang and said we should break up, he cant give me what i deserve and he needs to sort his life out and i cant help. this is what he said last time but at the end of it all last time he said he cant believe he said any of those things, so i eminded him of that and he just kept saying he doesnt know what to say, he doesnt want to hurt me etc. im in a mess again now, i said if we see eachother things might be ok and he said yes they probably would, and that he missed me and does love me. i cant handle another month like last time though, i barely survived. He txted me just now and said that we would definitely see eachother this week and talk but he cant say anything he doesnt mean right now and has to sort his life out and told me to give him space and be strong. I just didnt txt back as ive been txting him all day and thought i would just give him space.
i will do my best not to contact him but when we speak has anyone got any advice? and how much space is reasonable? i dont want to lose him and its making me ill.
You've been so strong through these last few months, so I'm proud of the commitment you've shown to your relationship thus far.
However, you will need to make a decision at some point. Going in and out of a relationship with someone is an erratic, unstable way to live, and you need to settle down at some point. Either you stay with him and you both stick it out, or you walk away - how long can you go dipping in and out of a relationship with an uncertain future?
Whatever you decide, I hope that it works out for the best <3