I will go to see the dr, maybe go through the nurse first less daunting and I think it would be easier to approach a female. I know I have to do it if I'm ever going to feel better.
About my family, although we are extreemly close, I mean that in the sense we do everything together, but when it comes to talking and feelings we couldn't be further apart. I have spent many years hiding how I feel from them that it's second nature to me. even when I was a teenager they never knew there was anything wrong until I got to breaking point and ended up in a unit, even then we were forced with family therapy the awkwardness and inability to communicate they gave up on us. I can't show weakness with them my biggest fear is failure and I can't let them down. If they knew they would only feel immense guilt and wouldn't cope . I couldn't ever make them feel like that.
I don't have anyone who could come with me, I only have one friend who lives too far away and my husband is away as he works on the rigs for a month.
Sometimes the more I talk the more I feel like a burden that I shouldn't be unhappy, I shouldnt be here going on about my problems.