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Exhausted

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
breatheinandout
Posts: 349
Joined: Mon Jul 17, 2017 10:03 am
Location: UK

Exhausted

Postby breatheinandout » Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:41 pm

Hello everyone,

I haven't been on the forum for a while, felt so exhausted - just going through an intense time at uni. I think i'm handling it - had a few emotional moments, one really bad night of insomnia where I couldn't stop the unhelpful swirling of thoughts, got paranoid and tearful, felt like i was awake all night. But I got through it by talking about how i was feeling and writing some of it down to help me process and see what was going on in my head. I still plodding along, trying to keep learning (on my uni course and in life generally :D )) and wanted to say hello and keep going everyone.

This season hasn't helped - snow is lovely, but not the ice in the towns and cities. I slipped and fell and it shock me up. Started worrying i'd broken my wrist / arm! Tried not to catastrophise it too much.... Its not hurting now so think i'm ok :) But, hey - spring is around the corner!

Also had a birthday which is not a time of celebration for me. I focus on what i haven't got, rather than what I have..... i'm in my 40s and all my friends are married, with kids - and I'm single and think its all my fault and i'd be happy if i had a partner (know deep down that isn't true btw) and its because I'm not good enough. I had a sad moment - accepted it is ok to be sad sometimes and then let it go (thats where mindfulness has helped me i think) and then had some cake.

Sending everyone a hug today, keep going. You're not alone.
Why did i pick such a long username?! Do call me Biao :D

emloja
Posts: 181
Joined: Thu Jul 20, 2017 4:34 pm

Re: Exhausted

Postby emloja » Tue Mar 06, 2018 9:37 pm

Hi
Great to hear the mindfulness is working and you are being kind to yourself right now. I hope you don't mind me sharing my thoughts on your post as I can fully empathise regarding the age thing and thought that if you had a partner you'd be happy. It is such a hard one- do you think if you had a partner then there would be something else that would make you sad? I sometimes wonder how people with no mental health issues deal with being single and not having a family- as humans do we have a need to be with someone? For me i often feel pressured by society and think that i do feel that people think i am less of a person because i am single and don't have children. I know i shouldn't care what others think. I feel i need to either do something about my status or accept being single. I hope you don't mind my waffle. Thanks for the hug- sending it right back at ya!
Em

breatheinandout
Posts: 349
Joined: Mon Jul 17, 2017 10:03 am
Location: UK

Re: Exhausted

Postby breatheinandout » Wed Mar 07, 2018 7:59 pm

Thank you for the hug Em, much appreciated :)

Its really good to hear your thoughts actually! I think that society expects certain milestones at certain ages - and it can impact us emotionally if we feel we haven't fitted in with one or more of them.

So not just being single and not having children - which I see in myself - but things like leaving home (nowadays much harder to afford your own place), getting a job, for example. But I reckon there are loads more. I do feel like I'm labelled and pitied - like you say, we shouldn't care what other people think.....

I don't know if i would have no mental health issues if i had a partner - its all so complex isn't it. I do know that everyone can have struggles, including people in relationships, and what we see on the outside isn't necessarily the reality.

There is definitely a human need for belonging isn't there? I accept that I would like companionship and someone special in my life, but not at any cost. And I think that knowing what you need is a strength (I have been accused of being picky in the past. But one friend of mine recently commented that I was right and it was actually positive - it meant you knew yourself and what you needed). I am scared of being dependent on someone, not being in control, being hurt - all the cliches!

I don't know about accepting being single, but being ok with it would be nice - but being open to meeting people. So when I feel like it, maybe I'll try online dating again and see how it goes.

(This is me being all positive about the future by the way - it helps to write it down actually.

Enough of my waffling now :lol:
Why did i pick such a long username?! Do call me Biao :D

emloja
Posts: 181
Joined: Thu Jul 20, 2017 4:34 pm

Re: Exhausted

Postby emloja » Fri Mar 09, 2018 8:00 pm

I am loving your positivity- well done!
How are you doing?
I feel like i could have written your post. Thank you for empathising with me. I feel less alone!
I planned to see some friends in a few weeks time and they now decided to all bring their partners- i really feel like pretending i am sick now as i don't want to go. I especially hate when out with couples- i do think some of it is in my head but get quite self conscious.
You are so right- no one knows what anyone else is going through- i remember once when a friend told me i had the life people envy- she really thought that. I thought this was hialrious- if only they knew what was going on behind closed doors! When i was at my lowest- i hated my life and couldn't believe it was mine- it was as though i had gone to sleep ten years ago with so many hopes and dreams and then woken up. I felt despair. I knew i had a good life but this means nothing when you cannot feel it. There are some days now when i can really appreciate my life and what i have and i do know that certain relationships in my life are stronger as i am single, and certain opportunities may not otherwise have happened. I just think that if things happen for a reason then why have the gods (so to say) decided i should be single forever- i do wish i could go back in time- however continue to do the same and not really change my behaviour- continuing to live my life how i have over the years-so nothing changes.
Ha ha - you sound just like me- i have had the picky thing thrown at me too. I also went through a really bad patch of just going on first dates- i became a serial first dater!

Isap
Posts: 1635
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Exhausted

Postby Isap » Wed Mar 14, 2018 12:02 pm

Hi Biao and Emojia

I enjoyed reading your posts. There are thousands of single women in the UK alone and I guess most are divorced. I always think better never married than divorced. Being single doesn't make you a failure. So you're picky and never met the right person. So what. That's better than compromising and settling down with someone you end up hating. And in any case, being single in your 40s doesn't mean you'll never meet anyone.

You are both really nice compassionate ladies making the most of your present situation and I respect you both for it.

I've been in jail over 3 years and met my wife a total of 8 days. She's basically living alone now doing the best she can. She has no friends but has learnt to be comfortable on her own.

Isap xx


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