Hello I'm new here. I don't even really know where to begin. I'm looking for advice. I suffer with depression which I believe was more than likely triggered by the sudden death of my mum 10 years ago. I am on anti depressants, currently fluoexitine but I've also tried citalopram, mirtazapine and sertraline. Fluoexitine seemed to have stabilised me slightly but I'm experiencing mood swings and Im starting to wonder if this is more than standard depression. My best friend believes I have bi polar. She knows me very well weve been friends for 20 years and she has pointed it out to me that my high moods are very out of character. I can't stop myself spending money (on stuff I don't need) I've been spontaneously meeting men I don't know from online dating sites for one night stands in hotel rooms, even at some mens houses and Ive let them into my house too. This has been unprotected sex too Im ashamed to say. I have even accepted money for sex a few times as it gives me a massive buzz to go spend spend spend!! When im in a 'good mood' I feel as high as a kite, I've commented a few times to my friends that maybe I had taken double prozac by mistake I felt that good. When I get like that I can literally feel energy rushing through my veins. I get loads done around the house, attend gym classes, cook nice meals for the kids, manage ok on less sleep, Im very productive at work (I have an active job) I become more social, don't mind having a conversation with someone. Ive stolen earrings from a shop. It wasnt planned I just had the urge to take them. Then I drop like a stone. The tears come, no energy, no motivation to do anything in the house-dishes pile up all over the kitchen for days on end, the laundry basket overflows, I just about manage toast or a microwave meal or a pizza for the kids, I just wanna be left alone to my despair, go out of my way to avoid interaction with anyone, even my kids at my worst. I just don't care about anything. I have suicidal thoughts, I play scenarios out inside my mind of killing myself then watching peoples reactions as they find my body and at my funeral. I often wonder how much it hurts to be run over and killed by a car.
Does this sound like bi polar to anyone with experience wirh it? Please help