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Struggling

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby amaya » Fri Dec 01, 2017 6:35 pm

I really hope it will go well with the social worker tomorrow. Maybe you can also ask his or her advice about how to handle things with your ex so that you are exhausted trying to figure it all out alone x

deb1960
Posts: 1702
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby deb1960 » Sat Dec 02, 2017 11:10 am

Your daughter's dad sounds awful. I find myself thinking you'd be better off having no contact with him. If he's not giving any help then his contact is only negative.

I hope the social worker offers some real help. It's practical help that you need and they should be able to arrange that.

I will say a special prayer for you tonight.

Take care, Deb x

Isap
Posts: 1639
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby Isap » Sat Dec 02, 2017 11:51 am

Hi Natalie

I echo the thoughts and prayers of Amaya and Debs

Isap xc

teamn
Posts: 460
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby teamn » Sun Dec 03, 2017 12:52 am

ThAnks guys,

Social worker visit was not as helpful as inwould like, still seems they have no authority in regards of housing, and in terms of other assistance they can give, I have to wait until they complete their assessment. After the visit, I just felt, like I wasn't going to get anywhere,or receive useful support, she just kept saying your daughter looks well cared for.. and I sad to her my low mood and my inability to cope fully with my circumstances, does not impact my role as a mother day to day. I'm at this time able to be a good mum, but I'm still depressed, frustrate and in need, but I do not take out on my daughter.

Yes Debsm many times I've wanted to stop all contact, quite good phone broken as an least he can't call When ever he feels like it. I've set up, well arranged fir mediation, so I can set clear boundaries with him. Just waiting over a month to get it started p.

Thanks to both you and ISAP for your prayers.

Today, I thought , if my last call for help was with social worker and it seems like they not able to assist, then it just goes right back to me sayin i need help and no one able to help,so therefore I'm alone, it seems that people I've previously asked for help don't appreciate or think my depression is worthy enough of assistance as it related to no job, no housing etc, it seems like im meant to just pull up my big girl panties and deal with it.. thing is after raising my first son alone for 15 years and achieving so much, only to have to start afresh at 40 in worst position I've ever been in my life, I really can't cope.

Today I thought I'm just going to end it, as if no one can't help and I can't cope, then I will not be here, I thought about my daughter will be young eniough not to be affected or remember me, and my son is old enough not to be dependent.. I really want go into too much detail as did not want to trigger anyone, and I'm not going to do anything today, funnily enough todayim supporting my mum as her sister died on Friday. But I did think today, that's my answer, as I cant live like this with no support in the way I need it, and I' can't continue like this fir months on end. This thought, made me feel most calm, like I can and one day will be out of f this mess of life, I felt I tried and I cannot and do not feel I have the power, strength to raise a child all alone again, at my age, with no job and no home...I used all my strength the first time round, and I just don't have the strength to see this through in this way.

I did read bible last night, and read book of Esther a brave woman m and did get comfort. But I get comfort on one day at one moment, but it's not natural, it's not my first deep or my overriding feeling, my overriding feeling is sorrow and lack of hope... and I refuse to live out the rest of my years like this, I refuse
Last edited by teamn on Sun Dec 03, 2017 6:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

Isap
Posts: 1639
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby Isap » Sun Dec 03, 2017 6:16 am

Hi Natalie

Stay strong. I read the Bible every day, just 4 or 5 chapters, but it can be inspiring.

Do you have any friends or relatives in good health who can push things for you?

Just an idea

I understand how you feel and will keep praying for you.

Isap xx

teamn
Posts: 460
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby teamn » Sun Dec 03, 2017 6:52 am

Thank yiu ISAP that means a lot , really does, yiu didn't have to respond so thanks..fur taking time out to. In regards to friends or relatives who can push things, yeah , that's an idea, I can ask my friend to speak to sw, my friend actually works fir social services herself but in another boroughs, so may speak same language. But it seems social service support is different in each Borough,her borough is really good, as she's shocked at how I've been given limited support by professionals during and after pregnancy, maybe to do with council budgets I'd imagine.

Thanks fur suggesting, she's always asking how she can help, and I really never thought of that, to wiry her a shot.

Isap
Posts: 1639
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby Isap » Sun Dec 03, 2017 7:39 am

Can she get you moved to her borough?

teamn
Posts: 460
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby teamn » Sun Dec 03, 2017 11:40 pm

no I doubt it, she only works with under 18 anyway, bit at least she has knowledge.

today been crazy. well since yesterday, it like I feel so calm (sorry I cant talk about this to people in real life and need to get it out),anyway, its like I fee calm with my decision that my some and daughter will be fine if I'm not here, I know I don't want to exits in this way, and the thought of an eventual escape really makes me feel the most calm I've felt in a long time, like I'm in full control again and will definitely have a way out. Ive tried for over a year too talk to many friends family professionals about this, but as I'm functioning well, caring for my daughter, they seem not think I need support, so hence why I would not mention my new thought pattern to anyone, as I'm only going to get same answers back, bt your doing so well, you look fine (when in fact I look like crap, its the worst I've ever looked, I have no care over my looks at the moment, no makeup , clothes not coordinated, and thata definitely not me), I just cant expect, its not fair to expect others to get what I'm trying to say, clearly they don't, everyone thinks nats your so strong, you'll cope, yill be ok, no I wont I want, I scream from inside my head. but as I said I no longer going yo expect thers to help, if they do its a bonus, if they dont, then I still wish them well, but know definitely realise everyone is really only looking out for themselves, and not really listening to what someone else says to them (in the real world I mean)

deb1960
Posts: 1702
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby deb1960 » Mon Dec 04, 2017 7:31 pm

Natalie, life is so tough for you. I'm so sorry I can't help you. I really hope you get all the help you so desperately need and I wish I could think of something helpful to say.

Take care, I'll pray for you

Deb x

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby amaya » Mon Dec 04, 2017 11:21 pm

It is great that the social worker sees that you are a good mother who is working hard not to let issues impact her child.. but the point is that you are raising the issue that you need support so that you can stay able to keep doing this. That you are getting to the point of not coping. You don't really need a pat on the back (nice as it is from social services) you need some preventative support so that things stay okay for your daughter.. and you! Maybe there is a way to communicate that to the social worker next visit. I see no reason why they can't provide a little support during an assessment.

You need to tell them that you perceive a risk if you don't have support, but that you know that with it you can continue. Because social services have a duty to protect a child and in this case that means supporting you in everyway possible. If you aren't alone you can do it.. but if there is no help you are worried. Can you speak to someone in the mental health team or your GP and get someone to help you communicate this clearly to social services? If the social worker doesn't get it.

If you have done it once I know you can do it again.. but you shouldn't have to do it without help and support. At the moment your daughter is fine and that is because you are awesome about putting your child's needs first. In other words you are a great mum, no matter how rotten you feel about your life right now that is true. But you have a duty to tell someone when that stability is at risk and ask for help, that you have also done, so you are again an awesome mum. But now it is their duty to help you, to facilitate your child growing up safe at home with a loving mum and supporting you to make sure that happens. I hope they will start listening to you, if not, see the GP or ask to speak to another social worker or a manager.

I hope the assessment will lead to some support, maybe also you will need to wait a little while to see if anything comes as a result of the assessment. You also have the right to ask for an advocate for you and / or your daughter. Someone just for you who can help to articulate what you need.

You won't have to live like this forever, because things really can get better. Nothing lasts forever, this is just an especially tough period of your life. Hang on in there and keep talking to us.

Make sure they listen to how you are feeling though. If they don't take it onboard then maybe get a doctor to write a letter on your behalf. It needs to say that you are a capable parent with support in place, not that you cannot parent anymore, but that you must have support and it would help if it said what specifically you need support with. I would ring the social workers and request an advocate too.


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