Social worker visit was not as helpful as inwould like, still seems they have no authority in regards of housing, and in terms of other assistance they can give, I have to wait until they complete their assessment. After the visit, I just felt, like I wasn't going to get anywhere,or receive useful support, she just kept saying your daughter looks well cared for.. and I sad to her my low mood and my inability to cope fully with my circumstances, does not impact my role as a mother day to day. I'm at this time able to be a good mum, but I'm still depressed, frustrate and in need, but I do not take out on my daughter.
Yes Debsm many times I've wanted to stop all contact, quite good phone broken as an least he can't call When ever he feels like it. I've set up, well arranged fir mediation, so I can set clear boundaries with him. Just waiting over a month to get it started p.
Thanks to both you and ISAP for your prayers.
Today, I thought , if my last call for help was with social worker and it seems like they not able to assist, then it just goes right back to me sayin i need help and no one able to help,so therefore I'm alone, it seems that people I've previously asked for help don't appreciate or think my depression is worthy enough of assistance as it related to no job, no housing etc, it seems like im meant to just pull up my big girl panties and deal with it.. thing is after raising my first son alone for 15 years and achieving so much, only to have to start afresh at 40 in worst position I've ever been in my life, I really can't cope.
Today I thought I'm just going to end it, as if no one can't help and I can't cope, then I will not be here, I thought about my daughter will be young eniough not to be affected or remember me, and my son is old enough not to be dependent.. I really want go into too much detail as did not want to trigger anyone, and I'm not going to do anything today, funnily enough todayim supporting my mum as her sister died on Friday. But I did think today, that's my answer, as I cant live like this with no support in the way I need it, and I' can't continue like this fir months on end. This thought, made me feel most calm, like I can and one day will be out of f this mess of life, I felt I tried and I cannot and do not feel I have the power, strength to raise a child all alone again, at my age, with no job and no home...I used all my strength the first time round, and I just don't have the strength to see this through in this way.
I did read bible last night, and read book of Esther a brave woman m and did get comfort. But I get comfort on one day at one moment, but it's not natural, it's not my first deep or my overriding feeling, my overriding feeling is sorrow and lack of hope... and I refuse to live out the rest of my years like this, I refuse
Last edited by teamn
on Sun Dec 03, 2017 6:45 am, edited 1 time in total.