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Struggling

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
teamn
Posts: 312
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby teamn » Tue Dec 05, 2017 1:46 am

Hi Amaya,

Thnakyou soooooooo much for such a thorough post, (I actually thought I has really offended you, by conversin about cigarettes on one of your posts) , so doubly happy to see a response her. (I have been quite sensitive of late though, so maybe it was just my interpretation).

I really apreaciat ethe time you taken and thr thought you put into the post this evening. I can nd will infact just print out what you have written and give it to my doctor and the SW and m health visitor. and also my friemd that ISAP suggested I contact, she can be my advocate, maybe ill start ccing her into emails and see if she can make calls to them on my behalf. As I often think because I'm smiling and welcoming, when people see me, they look past what I'm sayigm I need and just look at my attitude and behaviour, but with me its really funny, just before I got really low the first time, I was extremely calm and laid back to thers (that's when inside I had begun to give up, so I just had no fight left and no energy to talk about anything that mattered, so end up seeming lighter). I think an advocate is definitely someone I need, not just at meetings, bit as I said in emaisl, and phone calls. Grea idea, thankyou.

Ill defintey try that as a fina option, I still feel the way I feel, but ill try one more time you post is realy the thing ill be using to once agan, tell people I'm need support, even my friend, whi is great, but I just don't think people see the urgency of my support needs in the way I do, so they dotn act, and instead say, youll be fine. (not taking away from anyone here sayong ill be fine, as I think that maybe what the forum is for, I mena you can come to my house and help babysit, so al we can offer is workds of encouragement), but in from real life friends and proffessionals I want and need more than that.

You know what, in terms of support its changed so much over last year, and now over last month, I told SW what I needed and she said no to most things (like getting my housing moved up to priority, supporting with debt management., refreal to move put of borough - when she said no to those in 5 mins of meeting me, I kinds started to clam up, and was a little infuriated, thinking what the bloody hell can u do ),( I'm so depleted I don't even know everything that would help and seem unable to fully express in a way that don't seem so basic, but basic is what I need) gs, except sending an email to housing officer about my rent arrears, so I'm now under impression that the support I need is not valid and cannot be delivered, which then makes me hopeless, as I'm like, some may be big and some may be small, but Its what I need. I just cant do it, I'm nt saying SW can help with it all, but even when I say to friend and family what I need, its just never lasts or doesn't happen, or happens once.

for example, I'm isolated, so want to get moved out of the current borough, so I'm closer to more friends and family
I want o move out the hostel into home, council or private rent I don't mind.. but searching is draining, seriously I only seem to be able to look about 30 mins a day, and then I find nothing that I can afford, as landlords don't want people onHB.
I want her father to do more than 2 days at 4 hours support on average
I want support at least 5 days a week
I want some company in days
I want to talk to people, rather than have no one to talk to for like 7 days straight. That was before my phone even broke
I want relationship with family to be less estranged (I can take or leave that one)
I want regular counceling (this been so sporadic)
I need a cot (but have no money to buy), currently co sleeping, which means no time t myself at al 24 hours a day, as I have to g to bed when my daughter does, or else she will fall out bed.
I have just over £200 pound to live on per month, but rent is over £121 per week, so need some support with rent or talking to housing officer, and need help getting more income.
help contacting creditors

that's a start, and these are really the things that I struggle with, these are such basic things but there whats keeping me in a vicious circle and low, as without sorting these out, I see no way out (it been a year now without home and employment and low funds), ad without the above being managed, I cant manage or plan my future, I'm tired most of the time, due to co sleeping, I'm tired as I dont really get much time to myself, yes its all part of parenting, which I'm doing and done before, but this time round I really am struggling.

I thank you again and again so much for your post.

deb1960
Posts: 1522
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby deb1960 » Wed Dec 06, 2017 6:44 pm

Just a little hello. I'm thinking of you and praying for you.

Love Deb x

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby amaya » Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:27 pm

Hey, no I had forgotten all about the smokes thing haha.

I find it really awesome that with the low feeling you have you are still able to make such a clear list of what you want and need. I hope you get your advocate and that you get listened to. Glad I could help.. sometimes I go a bit mad with advice giving and then afterwards worry if I have said too much.

You are a really warm encouraging presence on this website, despite all the things you are facing in your own life you are still finding the time to be kind to others. Of course you haven't offended me!

I answered your other post aswell and I just want to add a *hug* here x

teamn
Posts: 312
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby teamn » Thu Dec 07, 2017 1:25 pm

thanks again for your comments. yes I have no problem and enjoy supporting others, that's why we're all here after all, I mean if we wanted idle chat and to be unsupported, there so many social media sites out there that we have that happen, so I make it y intention to engage where I can, and if I have something useful to add. I've allways been a vey supportive and empathetic person, all my jobs have been working in community with vulnerable people, so t comes easily and naturally to me, we all have a heart and ears (in this arena, ears replaced by eyes to read) so it takes nothing but a moment of your time to connect and engage and try offer guidance or support to another. I enjoy showing love in this way and to me its very normal , to try and support people even if you are going through something..yes its hard at times, hence why ive been a little limited with responses,

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby amaya » Thu Dec 07, 2017 6:24 pm

I don't think any of us should worry about how much or how little we post. We are have our own stuff.

How are you doing?

deb1960
Posts: 1522
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby deb1960 » Thu Dec 07, 2017 8:02 pm

Even if posts are just to say that you're thinking of the person it's still lovely to receive. Knowing you're cared about and understood means so much.

Take care Natalie

Deb x

teamn
Posts: 312
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby teamn » Fri Dec 08, 2017 2:48 am

hi

Amaya, you totally right, i don't worry or about who post or how much is posted y others, but in regards to me posting and responding, i do feel bad if i don't. that's something ive always been told to stop doing my whole life, worrying about trying to be there for everyone at all times and to just give myself that same support. and i did start the year of so well, my friend (she suffers with anxiety)and i were doing mindfulness and affirmations and various self help tasks, most of it involved self love..and this meant doing all things nice to me, including nice thoughts, recognising when I'm not showing myself love,,etc etc..i did so well for 10 months and then in Nov and now Dec ive stopped...

Hows you today? you still drained after second diagnosis meeting? Thanks for asking about me, i already posted how my days been in Safe Room - Tablets post.

Debs,
i definitely agree, a kind word, virtual hug or thinking of you, does brighten my day.. I'm thinking of you, and hope your combatting that fear of fear.. or at least got another funny Samiratan to talk to.

Isap
Posts: 1556
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby Isap » Fri Dec 08, 2017 4:02 am

Hi Natalie

virtual hug and thinking of you

Isap xx

teamn
Posts: 312
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby teamn » Fri Dec 08, 2017 8:45 am

thanks ISAP :)

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Struggling

Postby amaya » Fri Dec 08, 2017 3:16 pm

I'm struggling but I will find a way through even if I can't see it now.

10 months of doing so awesome means that you made it a habit and it will be something you can manage to do again, even if not straight away. I don't manage anything everyday for even one week so I think you can be proud of a year of progress even if you are in a dip now maybe looking at that big picture will help.


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