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How are things progressing Isap

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
Isap
Posts: 1367
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Postby Isap » Wed Dec 27, 2017 1:30 am

To say I had a crap Xmas would be an understatement, couldnt even leave my cell for 3 days.

That bustup I had with my younger brother has affected me worse than I thought, I guess because in 60 years Ive never fallen out with a family member before. But he was making me feel shit by constantly wanting to find out what would happen next and not even using his position at the FCO to get me a visit from the UK diplomat Consul, who he promised to speak to, instead of some low level local employee who supports the other side. Of course I apologised and all he had to say was "Dont worry it must be really stressful for you there" but no reply. I've realised he isnt a very forgiving or empathetic person, and does not understand mental illness despite the fact that the remaining 6 of us in my family all have diagnosed conditions. Only one sister and him know I am in jail. In fact maybe not a very nice person Ive never known him that well since childhood.

So Im waiting nervously to find out if the judge dismisses my case. My lawyer didnt help by writing "dont get your hopes up too high" she could have said something a bit more tactful knowing full well I have anxiety problems. Shes a good lawyer but pessimistic. She was the opposite until she failed to get me out on bail 2 years ago and I considered changing lawyers.

So anxiety sky high again and no support from friends or family in the form of messages.

I hope someone can think of something inspiring to say

mihaela
Posts: 897
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2016 12:42 am
Location: Lancashire and Moldova

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Postby mihaela » Wed Dec 27, 2017 7:54 am

I'm sorry you had such a crap Christmas. I've had a few myself, but they were nothing in comparison to yours. I've spent the last three days alone at home, but today I'll be seeing my selfless young friend. I don't know what she sees in helping me and hanging around with me, but after so many setbacks I'm so grateful that she's there.

At least your lawyer isn't artificially building up your hopes - and that could be a good sign. I can't stand lawyers, for most of them are only in it for the money and status. Few genuinely care for their clients' predicaments or mental health. I'm mentally incapable of dealing with them. I see them as parasites and hypocrites, and far too many are sociopaths.

I never really knew my own brother - until it was too late. I long suspected he had Asperger's, but it was only after he'd gone that I learnt just how desperately lonely he was. He'd have done anything for me. Yours sounds the opposite. Does your sister support you? Can she do anything to influence your brother? Would other family members be able to help you?

I can't even think of anything inspiring to say, but I do find your posts inspiring. They make me thankful for small things, and put everything into perspective.

Never far from you, Mihaela. xx

Isap
Posts: 1367
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Postby Isap » Wed Dec 27, 2017 9:38 am

Hi Mihaela

Thanks for your considerate and helpful reply. Yes I have a sister and mailed her aboit my brother, still waiting for a reply.

I agree with what you say about lawyers, none of them here are very nice people. Youre right about it probably being a good thing shes not building up expectations.

My brother incidentally is gay which is why I credited him with more sensitivity than it appears he has

Best wishes

Isap xx

deb1960
Posts: 1243
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Postby deb1960 » Wed Dec 27, 2017 10:22 am

Hi Isap

We are all stronger than we realise on here. My husband is excellent as are the Samaritans. I don't like to turn to others in the family especially at Christmas. My son is gay. He's good at getting me little gifts. Strange but just last night I came across a mother day card he sent many years ago probably in his 20s. It was so loving and very different to what he would send now. I think we credit gays with a sensitivity that isn't always there. My son is very dutiful rather than warm. He is not empathetic and recently told me about his pal who left his awful wife and went on to tremendous sobbing in the street. D thought this was ridiculous. I never cry in front of him but when I did once he told me he found it embarrassing!

I'm not being inspirational here and so I'm chatting on. Family are strange. Me and my 5 siblings were very close until our 30s. I'm the only one with poor MH. They don't judge me whichtis good. My sister who is a nun talks each week to me and I tell her briefly how i am. She is a terrible worrier and we talk of her situation.

One brother has been very successful yet I think his life choices haven't always been wise. Money rules.

I know I'm chattering on. Im pretending we're having a cup of tea and madeira cake. Milk no sugar

P once talked about the importance of aspirations implying he had them but not everyone. I told him I had and he asked with some surprise what aspirations I had. I told him that id been working on my relationship with God for the last 3 years. He didn't have an answer.

I've not really said what I think is very true. Family so often let us down. Like everyone they are skewed by the judgemental attitudes they've adopted. Parents will often move mountains whereas siblings won't lift a finger.

This seems negative but I think that maybe family loyalty belongs to pre capitalist days (Im just saying that cos it sounds good)

If this post is boring and it probably is, and it's certainly not inspiring, I hope that at least it has nothing hurtful in it.

Take care
Debs xx

Isap
Posts: 1367
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Postby Isap » Wed Dec 27, 2017 10:56 am

Hi Debs

Not a boring post at all. What you say about families reflects reality. Up until now I havent thought negatively about any siblings but that was me holding an idealised version. My gay brother is a stingy cowardly shithead. He has let me down badly. I still feel bad about what I said to him but he probably deserved it.

We have a lot in common, big Catholic family. Me too have been working on my relationship with God these past 3 years but I still get pained reading Old Testament prophets relating how many persons God of armies annihilated (as a last resort). I wonder what your nun sister would say to that

Thanks again for thinking of me it really helps.

Best wishes

Isap xx

teamn
Posts: 295
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Postby teamn » Thu Dec 28, 2017 8:00 am

Hi,
Couldn't read this and not respond as you have been a constant for of support since I started this forum.

I just literally read about Elijah, who after all the tasks he had done seemed to become so low and depressed that he wanted to due, and he told God he can't take any more. He lated under a broom.bush to dye, he felt low anxious etc why else would anyone feel the need to due. But as he lated angels came to him 3 times and restored him.

My message to you is to ask God for help, to keep you calm during this waiting game..1 kings 17-19..

God bless

Isap
Posts: 1367
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Postby Isap » Thu Dec 28, 2017 8:11 am

Hi Natalie

Its great to see you back on the forum! You were missed by everyone.

Thanks so much for that bible reference Ill read it now. Kings is one of the few chapters I have never managed to read before.

God bless and hope you are doing ok

Isap xx

deb1960
Posts: 1243
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Postby deb1960 » Thu Dec 28, 2017 11:26 am

Hello Natalie, lovely to see you.

I ask God for the grace to get through my day. I do believe he's with me though it's a shaky faith, but a faith none the less.

Isap, my way of looking at the OT is being aware that the bible was written by man not God and the Jews believed they were the chosen ones. I think if many American presidents were to write a religious book they would say that God was with them and vanquished their enemies. Meanwhile there are excellent writings full of God's love. I think we have to look at the OT in the context of it's time. Triumph over your enemy was just. It was Jesus who told us to love our enemies. This is my view. I suppose I have a tendency to make the facts fit my belief.

Debs xx

Isap
Posts: 1367
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Postby Isap » Thu Dec 28, 2017 11:43 am

Hi Debs

Thanks for that. I agree with you.

My JW said that Jehovah only ever used his destructive powrrs after warnings had been ignored and as a last resort.

When in Exodus the seas parted and the Israelites escaped, the pursuing Egyptian army of 250,000 plus could have given up but Pharoah led them on so he was to blame.

Isap xx

christabel
Posts: 1775
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 4:49 am

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Postby christabel » Fri Dec 29, 2017 6:19 am

Hoping you have a better day today Isap.

Try to let the anger and upset go. My prayers are with you.

X Chris


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