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Alone.

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1376
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Alone.

Postby andthistoomustpass » Sun Nov 19, 2017 12:18 am

Hi EMbelina!

Haha, think I'd give everyone forty fits if I started zooming around on a moped
How do you feel about it? Is there anything in your physical or mental health that would make it especially dangerous for you or others?

I can see you as Queen of Jaffa Cake land. Swimming in lakes of chocolate, sleeping on sponge, etc. Eating jam for every meal would get a bit tiring though.

Hope your weekend is going well. Be sure to let me know how things go on Wednesday!

Bye bye my amazing and wonderful friend.
xxx

littleem
Posts: 368
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:30 am

Re: Alone.

Postby littleem » Sun Nov 19, 2017 1:06 am

Personally, I couldn't see myself on a moped. Erm, I can't even see myself in a car. Driving just isn't for me. I tried and, ahem, wasn't the best at it!

Hehe, jam is probably better than sewer rat shakes though! Bleurgh!

Ah, weekend isn't up to much. Went for coffee this morning with my parents which was nice but was really teary tonight. Feel so alone and so down. I'm trying with the craft work but I think I've done sooooo much over the last couple of months (we're talking 60+ detailed painted pots, 30 small pots, decorating 55 chutney jars and now all the cutting and sticking for the positivity pots in a fairly short space of time!) it's been great but I'm, erm, a tad bored of it now! The fete is only a week Tuesday and I'm pretty much all prepared for it. Think I just need a change of activity as it's starting to feel like a chore and it's actually making my mood worse!

I will let you know about Wednesday for sure.

How's your weekend going? Good I hope!

BoredEM xxx

deb1960
Posts: 1626
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Alone.

Postby deb1960 » Sun Nov 19, 2017 11:19 am

Hi Em

That can happen. You're having a great time with a hobby then suddenly you're not.

I hope Sunday improves for you. Tbh Sundays are bad for me. I thrive on company, being amongst a group of people. On a Sunday I go to Mass which I find a bit boring even though I want to go. At 2 I'm meeting a friend in the pub. When I'm well I find her company good but just now I get very bored (that sounds bad but it's just me).

Is there anything else you can do today? Hobby wise, going out, watching TV.

Take care, Deb x

littleem
Posts: 368
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:30 am

Re: Alone.

Postby littleem » Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:14 pm

Thanks Deb,

Yeah, it's normal. I've done the craft work to death haha so it's no wonder really. The fete is only a week away so I'll do the finishing touches for that this week but really need a fresh focus and activity after that!

I was thinking of knitting socks or blankets for the homeless as there's a big annual Christmas event at the beginning of January which the Nuns I used to volunteer with run. I've always prepared loads of food for it but I'm steering well away from all things food nowadays. I tried knitting a few years back and enjoyed it. Plus I would be doing it for a good cause.

I go to Mass, too. Usually it helps me. I hope you have a nice time with your friend today at the pub!

Today has been better so far. I went to Church and for coffee at a new cafe. We sat outside overlooking the seafront. The weather as been glorious. I've just been for a long walk all along the promenade. I love walking and have really missed it! Going outside really helps my mood and mental state as long as I don't overdo it! I'm knackered now haha!

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1376
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Alone.

Postby andthistoomustpass » Sun Nov 19, 2017 10:11 pm

Hi lovely Emily

Boredom is crap isn't it? I'm sure you will find a new challenge soon.

Glad to hear you enjoyed getting out and that the weather was good. Hope you balanced out the walking with some extra calories ;)

Driving, fair enough. I never learned. I tried a few times in my twenties but in those days I only ever had a small window each year when I had motivation. Lessons would go well till I stopped going to lessons :( The muscular pain was a also a problem. Not a good idea to be driving when I would frequently get severe cramps in my legs. Maybe I'll feel well enough to get a license one day.

My weekend has been a lazy one. Did spend time with friends this evening. It was good to get out. Ignored work though. Really have to pull my finger out there.

Wishing you the best for the coming week you lovely, wonderful, amazing person.
xxx

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Alone.

Postby amaya » Sun Nov 19, 2017 10:42 pm

Glad you are feeling a little better today :)

Not surprised you are tired! You are dealing with a lot every day and doing your best. If I have nothing else to do in a day I always try at least 30m walking. It is the most helpful thing I've found for improving a low mood.

I hope you will have a good week x

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1376
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Alone.

Postby andthistoomustpass » Tue Nov 21, 2017 8:42 pm

Hi Em!

How is wonderful you today? Mood picked up or still down? Walking doing the trick or not? Though of anything you would like to do work or study wise? Found a secret colony of twenty somethings hiding out from the old folk or are you still trapped in the land of longjohns and blue rinses, turning down Werthers Originals by the dozen?

xxx

littleem
Posts: 368
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:30 am

Re: Alone.

Postby littleem » Wed Nov 22, 2017 11:48 pm

Hey ATTMP!

I'm good thank you. How are you doing? How's your week been so far?

Thanks for making me laugh with your post!!

Mood is still a little flat but it HAS picked up so I can't complain! I had a nice day Sunday with my sister and a lovely day celebrating my sister in law's 30th birthday with my family on Monday. I'm doing everything I should be to help beat the depression now so I think that increasing my medication at the next prescription will be what helps to lift the mood that little bit.

I'm enjoying walking. The weather was glorious on Sunday so I particularly enjoyed taking my sister in her wheelchair for a walk along the (busy!) promenade. (Yes, my derelict town has lots of visitors when the sunshine pops out!) Haha! I'm always out and about somewhere each day. I hardly ever and next to never have bed days or days where I stay in and mope so that shows I've moved forward.

I have a job interview at the main homeless charity in the city on Monday morning!! My fete is on Tuesday and I'm raising the money for this charity! I've also previously volunteered at this homeless centre.... So fingers crossed! All that looks promising. It will be a challenge but it's a fantastic opportunity.

I'm pretty much prepared for the fete. I've completed all my positivity pots and have since been making jars of jokes - perfect for putting on the table for Christmas dinner! I've also made bags of 'Reindeer Food'. These are bags of oats and gold glitter for children to sprinkle outside on Christmas Eve. Just a few more finishing touches to complete over the weekend! Then I'm visiting the Farmers Market just ten minutes walk from my house on Saturday to check out the competition and see if I could sell my produce there in the new year! How exciting!!

I went to the clinic today. I met the dietician. Drum roll, she was quite nice. Drum roll, it was a positive meeting. My brain just works way better with the medical and scientific approach. I did see the OT through the reception glass and got sick in my mouth hahahaha!! I was weighed and haven't gained anything since being discharged. She wasn't overly concerned and didn't nag at me so I liked that approach. I was relieved as I was expecting different. That just illustrates to me that this illness is a mental illness with physical symptoms rather than a physical condition. Anyways, I will see her every couple of weeks or so.

I have been complying with my nutrition unsupervised and taking responsibility for my own recovery. The fact that I've been independently choosing to take in nourishment because I want to go forwards in life and be able to DO things rather than going backwards with my friend tubey getting nowhere shows a real shift in me. It shows that I do care about myself and that I do want to get well, despite it feeling scary sometimes.

Next week, I will find out about when I'm going to get some psychological therapy. I will have CBTE which is eating disorder specific therapy as well as CBT for the depression. I really do want to engage in this. I don't know when this will start though.... The CMHT is s-l-o-w and my weight is still way off the required BMI for therapy so I will decide next week whether to wait for the cmht therapy or to see my private therapist again. She was fantastic and I haven't seen her now for a couple of months with hospital and everything. I'm really aware that this psychological support is something that I really need right now to help me in this process.

I'm struggling silently with difficult thoughts around weight and eating but I don't make a scene of things and get on with it. Everybody has issues and insecurities and this happens to be mine. Big whoop. I've accepted it and I'm not embarrassed or anything. I'm trying to sit with the negative feelings I get around food and figure out exactly what I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it. I've been through recovery before and so I know what to do to get well. No point crying over spilt supplement drinks. Hehe! I also realised recently just how low both my self esteem and confidence still are! I'm still struggling to see the severity of the anorexia. I'm convinced I'm fiiiiiiine now and that I'm not anorexic anymore. I know that's just another weird symptom of the illness though. My mother helps to give me reality checks though!

I've been getting some pretty awful headaches and dizziness. My blood pressure has been really low and I think it's from that because I drink loads, I'm taking nutrition, I'm sleeping and resting, I'm not overdoing it and I'm taking paracetemol. Other than these daily horrible headaches, I'm okay though! They're unpleasant but manageable.

How has your sleep been this week? How's work going? Any nice social plans coming together for this coming weekend?

Let me know how things are going with you!

Take care!

Em xxx

littleem
Posts: 368
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:30 am

Re: Alone.

Postby littleem » Wed Nov 22, 2017 11:55 pm

Hey Amaya,

Thanks for checking in.

I'm glad walking helps you. It's a great way to clear the mind and boost some endorphins. I love scenic, nature walks.

Things have improved this week. Up days and down days but I'm still going on as always.

How have you been?

Take care,
Em xx

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1376
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Alone.

Postby andthistoomustpass » Thu Nov 23, 2017 12:06 am

HiYa!

I logged back in to check on your results today and now I find there is so much I want to say in response to your post that I'll have to wait until I am less sleepy to do it. Lots of positives so very, very proud of you! I'll say one more thing. I've really been struggling at work with lack of motivation and anxiety. What has really helped loads today is that when I find myself sinking low I say to myself; 'what would Em do?' That really gives me a burst of motivation and I crack on. It has helped me so much.

Thanks for being so inspiring and keep dodging the doddery Werthers dealers.
More to follow when I am rested.

Bye for now my lovely, inspiring, wonderful, friend.
xxx


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