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Alone.

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1371
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Alone.

Postby andthistoomustpass » Fri Mar 02, 2018 12:31 am

Hi Em!

Thanks for the update. That was fantastic to read. So happy that all the work you are putting in with your therapist is paying off. :D Also great to see you admitting to the darker elements still being there too, an impressively balanced and accepting approach :)

The mood diary sounds amazing. So good that you are identifying so much.

The ED team can go take a running jump off a short pier, with seagulls using them for target practice.

doing lots of creative things and socialising with my family
8-)

Totally numb. It's weird and I hate it but it's a million times better than how bad I've felt before the medication.
So glad you can see the upside. Maybe, in due course, when you are feeling stronger you can discuss reducing with GP but, for now, the meds sound just the ticket.

I'm learning to accept myself and my mental health problems. They're a part of my life but they do not define me
Fabulous but I've left entirely out of the quote for a reason. Your Mental Health was what brought you here and it is what we talk about but I have also been privileged to see so many sides to your personality. Your MH issues are far from defining you, when I think of you they take last place behind the intelligent, fun, warm, adventurous, kind, compassionate, strong, committed and determined qualities that shine so brightly from your posts. If there is a voice in your head telling you I am just being kind, I am not, I am being completely honest about how I view Em.

'm still taking on more nutrition so as to gain weight and I am trying lots of different foods and eating with my parents, which is nice. I realised I need to give myself the best chance that of getting well. Physical health is part of the treatment.
Brilliant!

The love and importance of others, I can find right where I am now. I don't need to search for it again. I don't know if that makes sense.
It does make sense and it is both a wonderful sentiment and very true.

I know how important work is to you for a multitude of reasons and I know how difficult it is to find other outlets at the superannuated seaside but I also hope that I'm seeing hints that you see there is more to life than work, that you can contribute, achieve and enjoy life in other ways too. You have nothing to prove to anybody. You are good enough as you are.

Nothing wrong with ambitions obviously, but this is a huge positive shift in thinking for me personally. I'm taking the pressure right off after years of being a perfectionist striving for the unattainable.
YAY! YAY! YAY!

As your therapist and your mum say, there is no rush to get a job. When you are ready I recommend a friend's advice to me that the best approach is to find a job that suits you rather than trying to change yourself to suit a job. I am sure that when you are ready and you find a job that suits you then your ambitions will be fulfilled naturally as you put your considerable energy and talents to use without stressing yourself out trying to be perfect and without inner conflict because you would rather be doing something else. (This is most definitely a case of do as I say, not as I do :oops: )
Better to be ready and succeed than to set myself up to fail
Hell yeah!

Lovely to hear from you Em and I am so happy for you. I hope you are able to congratulate yourself on how far you have come and look forward to the further progress you will make with your therapist.

Keep me informed.

Your admiring friend.
ATTMP
xxx

littleem
Posts: 365
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:30 am

Re: Alone.

Postby littleem » Fri Mar 02, 2018 6:15 pm

Hello there!!

Lovely to hear from you as always! Thanks for your kind and encouraging message. It meant a lot and made me smile. You're so genuine, caring, supportive and positive. I have a lot of admiration for you, too!

How are things?

Enjoying the snow? Did you get any 'snow days' off from work? I hope work is going well and that you're not working too hard. I hope your sleeping is improving a little, too? And everything with your meds.

Been up to anything nice, lately?

I really recommend a mood diary and I couldn't agree more with you about the ED team, haha! I am anxious about getting weighed there next week. My mother came into my room when I was changing this morning and it upset her seeing me. It's weird because she's anxious about Wednesday because she says I look like a skeleton and I'm anxious because my mind tells me I will have put on an impossible amount and that the dietician will laugh at me. I don't need to work through any CBT to know that's some dodgy thinking there, haha! It's alright though, I don't kick up a stink or anything so things at home are at peace. I don't feel massive anxiety if I'm weighed at the GP's so that can only be a good thing. I'm tackling the ED side of things with no support so should really pat myself on the ol' back for being EM-believeably strong.

I agree with you on the meds. The feeling is weird but I can cope with things better so now the pills are going tickedy boo.

Totally right that the MH shizzle is secondary. It's a part of us. Like an ingrown toenail. Unwanted, but manageable, with the hope of being treatable, though still a pain in the ass discomfort persistent enough to know it's there all the bloody time, often the least preferred topic of conversation but common enough of a problem that the majority of mankind have at least heard about it, and finally a part of us but not what defines us. At least I hope to God nobody ever defines me entirely or otherwise as an ingrown toenail.

Sorry, I've seemed to have uttered a paragraph of total nonsense. That, oddly, makes sense. Haha!

Thanks for all the lovely things you said and thank you more for meaning them. I accept that you mean them because why else would you say them? Unlucky negative thoughts. EM: 1. Daft Brain: ZILCH.

Ever since we first started chatting on here, you've showed clearly how genuinely kind, caring, emphatic, supportive and encouraging you are. You've always listened (virtually) and offered good, helpful and thoughtful advice. You've never judged and have a great sense of humour. You show in your own thread what a strong, determined, insightful, dedicated, brave, intelligent and hard working person you are. I admire how hard you work to battle through your struggles and how well you cope with everything! You should be proud of yourself. I am proud of you.

Excellent advice about the jobs. I have always looked for jobs for others. Even the homeless hostel. I wanted a job that 'looks worthwhile to others'. I always had to work in the 'best' restaurant doing the most hours to look super hard working to others. To be honest, I'd like something about 30-35 hours, not 50+ so that work is my entire life. And I just want something simpler, less pressured and intense. Like a little shop in my local town or whatever. I had a great job in a care home when I was sixteen. Less hours, less pressure, nice people, happy days.

My concentration is a tad poor but again, it's manageable. I just go with the flow really.

I hope you have a nice weekend and do something nice for you. Take care my friend and keep me posted!

Em xxx

deb1960
Posts: 1614
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Alone.

Postby deb1960 » Sat Mar 03, 2018 5:47 pm

Hi Em

I've been reading your post. You have such an up beat attitude despite things being tough. Any threads I start on here are moany threads.

You take care
Deb x

littleem
Posts: 365
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:30 am

Re: Alone.

Postby littleem » Sat Mar 03, 2018 9:21 pm

Hiya Deb,

Lovely to hear from you. :)

Aw thanks. I try my best, haha!

Aw your posts aren't moany posts! :)

Besides, everybody moans now and again. I know I certainly do!

You've said so many lovely, kind and heartfelt things to me as well Deb. That stuff is what matters most.

I hope you're as well as you can be right now.

Take care,

Em xx

deb1960
Posts: 1614
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Alone.

Postby deb1960 » Thu Mar 08, 2018 6:09 pm

How are you Em?

xx

littleem
Posts: 365
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:30 am

Re: Alone.

Postby littleem » Thu Mar 08, 2018 8:53 pm

Hi Deb,

Pretty good thanks. Certainly moving in the right direction. Progress is slow but definitely taking place. Slow and steady wins the race! :)

How are you?

Take care,

Love Em x

deb1960
Posts: 1614
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Alone.

Postby deb1960 » Thu Mar 15, 2018 6:14 pm

Hi Em

I'm up and down so much though there seem to be more down days. I'm trying to just go with it. Some days that's immensely difficult, other days I can go with it.

Take care,
Deb x

littleem
Posts: 365
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:30 am

Re: Alone.

Postby littleem » Thu Mar 15, 2018 10:35 pm

It's the same with me, Deb. I really do just take each day as it comes. If I think much further ahead, it just feels overwhelming. Remember at the end of the bad days that you've been able to get through them, and enjoy the better days as they come.

Stay strong,

Em x

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1371
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Alone.

Postby andthistoomustpass » Fri Mar 16, 2018 2:13 am

Hi Em!

How have you been? How was the womens group?

littleem
Posts: 365
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:30 am

Re: Alone.

Postby littleem » Fri Mar 16, 2018 6:10 pm

Hey ATTMP!

I'm alright thanks. Had a major dip early on this week. It was the lowest I've been in a long time. It was horrible and I was like 'nooooo! I can't feel this way again!' It felt as bad as when this depression first started. That deep, awful emptiness that feels like grief. BUT, I got through it. I can cope with things so much better these days. I'm doing much better since.

The dip came at the time of the group. The group co-ordinator called me and said I will be welcome to come next time. I also was able to talk to her about the group (we kept missing each others calls before!) so I feel way more reassured about it. My previous group experiences haven't been suitable and it kind of set me back. Next time, I hope to go. It does sound good and suitable.

The detached feeling is weird. Oddly liberating yet unsettling.

Had a great day today though. It was my mam's birthday. She said she felt so loved which means the absolute everything to me.

How are you doing?

Em x


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