Hi Embelina Ermentrude!
she said for me to get in touch when I'm ready and she won't put me in the kitchen haha!
Wow, that’s really positive, well done for having an honest chat with her. I hope you give yourself some time before rushing back. You will need time and emotional reserves to really engage with the therapy.
places are very limited
I think being 'dead' warrants gaining support from ED services
It is such a shame that resources across the NHS are so restricted that, after dealing with the most urgent cases, there is so little to spare to put towards preventing the urgent issues from developing in the first place. A cynical person might suggest that under resourcing is desired by some as a way to devalue services provided and justify the continued privatisation by stealth of the NHS. Remind me, what is Jeremy Hunt rhyming slang for?
My BMI is 13.8 so not super mega awesome but I left feeling 'ah, I'm not thaaaat bad'.
You are that bad and you know it my friend. Still, not far from 14, could that be a near term target or will the illness not allow that sort of thing?
I also can’t resist saying what I am sure you already know, the brain requires nutrition and sleep, restricting one or both will lead to foggy cognition. I know that I’m foggy as hell at the moment due to lack of quality sleep.
Inpatient would be hell on earth for me
Do you feel it is necessary purely for health reasons or is there also a bit of a desire for self flagellation going on too?
Sorry to hear you are feeling so crap right now.
At least I'm feeling though, right?
Hell yeah! To feel is to live, to repress emotions is to prepare to breakdown or explode. A lesson I learned the hard way that helps me to embrace all my feelings, which then allows me to explore and accept them.
Sorry to hear you are getting worse. Maybe it is one of those things where feeling worse is a necessary step in getting better? Maybe a reaction to your attempts to get better?
Really glad you are seeing a therapist today. Good luck and I hope it goes well.
I’m okish. Sleep still a massive problem. Resorted to Redbull yesterday to see me through work after all of 3 hours disrupted sleep Wednesday. The Redbull has, of course, disrupted my sleep last night but a price which had to be paid. More caffine today to see me through to the weekend when I can cut it out again.
Have lost confidence in my GP. Have picked a new one just want to stop in, have a nosey and confirm they are taking new patients before switching and seeking medication. The medicaiton may or may not help for me but when you feel really crap then trying something, anything within reason, may make things better and is unlikely to make things worse.
Work is getting better. I stepped back and observed what was going on during a non-productive day before Christmas and have found additional counter measures to go with the excellent ‘What would Em do?’ thought which still helps loads.
After a period of hopelessness I have found hope in an ACT book I am ¼ of the way through. It clicks better with me than the first one I read and I believe that the point of view and techniques it promotes will really help me move on to the next plateau in my climb towards better mental health.
Difussion techniques are of ongoing importance in ensuring I ignore the discomfort and continue to read the book and engage in the practices it promotes.
The hope itself plus an understanding I have gained from the book is also helping me to treat myself better in terms of diet. Early days but looking good so far. The lack the feeling of an overfull stomach plus the fact that when it is not overful it is not pushing out against my abdominal muscles in the opposite direction to the stress which always pulls them tight means I have felt more energised and had much less muscle pain the last couple of days than is normally the case. This helps improve my mood which helps me keep eating right, which reduces muscle pain and also gives me more energy, which helps improve my mood, which… lovely feedback loop.
Long may it continue. If I can keep it going until February I will have confidence it will stick, for long enough at least to reduce my BMI so that it is closer to 40 than 50.
Hope things are feeling brighter your end
My end is always bright because the sun shines out of it
Take care of yourself wonderful Em.