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Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1525
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby andthistoomustpass » Sat Feb 24, 2018 1:12 pm

Hi Em!

You are most welcome.

I'm ok. Struggling without pills but a new scan in a few weeks may help convince dr. to prescribe again. I'm at best flat but going through the motions, getting up, getting to work, socialising a bit. Using everyday mindfulness to distance myself from my feelings and do stuff anyway. It is a bit hit and miss but when I find the distance I find I can take action. This is a good skill for me to develop.

littleem
Posts: 417
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:30 am

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby littleem » Sat Feb 24, 2018 8:09 pm

Hi there!

Hope you're doing okay today. I'm thinking of you my friend. Hope you're as well as you can be right now.

Keep taking each day as it comes. Be kind to yourself, go easy on yourself and just keep doing what you're doing. It sounds to me like you're coping very well. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling a bit flat though, but it will pass, just hang in there and the better days will come soon I am sure.

I hope you find a new medication soon that is right and most beneficial for you.

Take care of yourself and enjoy the rest of the weekend.

Em xxx

deb1960
Posts: 1702
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby deb1960 » Sun Mar 04, 2018 10:02 am

How are you andthistoo
Deb x

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1525
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby andthistoomustpass » Sun Mar 04, 2018 11:06 am

I'm pushing through sane as ever thanks for asking. How're you?

deb1960
Posts: 1702
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby deb1960 » Sun Mar 04, 2018 8:40 pm

My anxiety is playing me up again. I'm learning to be satisfied with days that are not great but manageable but then I have spells where I find life crap. It's strange but on the manageable days I consider myself lucky despite all the limitations. Oh but I'm such a wimp when I'm scared.

You wii wish you hadn't asked the way I'm going on.

What I find on here is that all of us continue to work towards improved mental health. There are countless people who don't have the energy to fight. I feel a lot of sympathy for them. What sometimes happens is that by seeking help in one place you might get help that you weren't looking for. Eg. I joined Anxiety Uk and got the Headspace app free with it. I've found this app to be very good. I think it's worth going down lots of roads and who knows what turns up. Still feel crap though.

Take care
Deb x

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1525
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby andthistoomustpass » Mon Mar 05, 2018 12:31 pm

Hi Deb

I agree with all of that.
Sounds like you are feeling some benefits from the things you are trying.
I am too. Still feel like crap too but there are good spots and it it important to remember those. :)

deb1960
Posts: 1702
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby deb1960 » Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:59 am

Hi andthistoo

My 10 minutes. Meditation each morning is helping. It's not a massive difference but definite. Because it's the total opposite of all I've ever done before it's going to take a lot of time. Mindful activity I find immensely difficult but I do think it's worth the effort. I remember you said classical music helps. I'm going to try that.

Crap continues but ever onwards.

I love this saying
Life is like being in a boat in a sea full of shit and some have window seats

Deb x

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1525
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby andthistoomustpass » Wed Mar 07, 2018 9:50 pm

Deb

Thanks for the saying :lol:

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1525
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby andthistoomustpass » Wed Mar 07, 2018 10:25 pm

Well, after whinging at a very lovely friend this evening, who has enough troubles without sharing mine, I figured a post is the best way to get things out. I also need to make time to visit a support group soon, so helpful when you need to talk.

My experience of depression: Walking through a hailstorm across a wasteland with the wind lashing against my face. Nothing on the horizon, nothing in the past or future. No pleasure, no emotional pain, no hopes, no dreams, no motivation, no meaning, just an empty shell carrying the weight of the world. Joint an muscular pains are a constant. I keep on walking because what else is there but every step takes every bit of strength and motivation I have.

My experience of anxiety: Adrenaline. Always have a little pumping around, always on edge. The slightest conflict and up it ramps. Every cell in my body screaming at me to choose to Fight, Flight or Freeze in situations where any of the above would be totally inappropriate and damaging options.

I am really struggling right now. Putting myself under a lot of strain with the work I am doing to adjust my personality, the significant stress at work is just the special sauce on that sxxx sandwich.

Attempting to drop the last of my defences and be the 'authentic' me. The idea is that this will remove much of the fear, conflict and loneliness fuelled by suppressing myself, hiding from myself and other people. The problems are; 1. It's Fxxxing scary. 2. It is Fxxxing difficult, something you can only do if you don't think about doing it and the biggie is number 3. I am not sure if the 'authentic' me is capable of behaving appropriately. Is the 'authentic' me the mental me?

I am inching forward none the less. Right now I don't trust my own perceptions, my own thoughts or my own decisions. I desperately need about 6 months (or a lifetime) off work to get my head sorted, I'd take an unpaid sabbatical if I could but needs must and so that isn't going to happen.

Putting myself under so much pressure, not sleeping more than 3 or 4 hours of broken sleep per night, lost time the other day for the first time since my therapy starting having an impact and this evening my old friend the stress migraine keeps popping in to say hello, can feel it lurking behind my eye as I type so will finish this post there.

Thanks for reading.

littleem
Posts: 417
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:30 am

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby littleem » Thu Mar 08, 2018 9:28 pm

Hey there,

Sending a big e-hug your way! Please know I'm thinking of you. I'm so sorry to hear that things are feeling so difficult and overwhelming right now. You WILL get through this. Heck, your username even tells you so! - And this too will pass! Keep strong, your authentic self is fantastic. :)

It's positive that you're able to identify when you need to share and off load and I'm glad that you have friends to chat with and support groups that you can access which are helpful. Keep talking. :)

I can definitely identify with your description of depression. Please hold on to the fact that - despite the pain and turmoil and emptiness - you are STILL going forward. You are not stuck and you have not gone backwards. You are strong, you are living and you are winning. I know depression is absolutely vile BUT positives CAN ALWAYS BE FOUND no matter how bad things feel. Hold onto them.

I know depression is one hell of a s*** sandwich, but remember.... S*** sandwiches are not the only sandwiches out there. Heck, some sandwiches are down right bloody terrific.... Like those wheelbarrows full of delicious cheeseburgers that all too often promenade along a familiar derelict seafront bringing life, excitement and new opportunities to a decrepit population of old, toothless pickled-onion-sandwich eaters.... Hehehe.

Aww I am really worried about you having so much pressure on you at work. I know our situations are different and I know that you know about my personal struggles with employment, but before I accepted my limitations with regards to work and decided to put my mental and physical health and my happiness and recovery first, I was under immense stress. For me personally, a pressured environment, a lack of sleep and becoming ill are all warning signs and triggers. Please be kind to yourself and do whatever will benefit you most. You deserve to be as well and as happy and as healthy as you can be.

Perhaps you could share how you're feeling with your employers? Could you share this with your therapist too and see their perspective? Just a thought. I know that you are very insightful and self aware.

The weekend is soon approaching. I wish you a nice weekend and hope you get some (hey, or loads of it!) sleep, some good rest and that you do something nice for you. You deserve it.

Thinking of you my friend. Do take care of yourself.

Much love,

Em xxx


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