In one way it was really good to feel terror last night, not the extreme terror of having a hungry tiger running at you but the anticipation of having a hungry tiger running at you. That anticipation brings with it all the emotions of previous experiences without the actual threat.
It's interesting that I have come to believe that experiencing emotions is a good thing, even when they are horrible and that helps me to step back, observe the experience and almost feel good immediately after.
Today at work was better, less fear than I have felt in a long time without having to put on an unhelpful (to me) mask, without having to enter an unhelpful personality state. Was far from perfect but I'm not shooting for perfection. I was just happy to be able to complete a very triggery task without procrastinating or avoiding too much. Time will tell, and I will have to apply a lot of self discipline to keep progressing but I think this is the start of a big step for me.