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Heartbroken, deeply distressed

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personlessvoid
Posts: 41
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 7:32 pm

Heartbroken, deeply distressed

Postby personlessvoid » Wed Jan 18, 2017 10:28 am

So my bf broke up with me last night over text when I was at work. I was completely inconsolable last night and I feel even worse today. On top of this, my job is making me miserable, I am very, very unhappy where I work but can't take up another job as I need sick pay for an upcoming operation. The combination of the two is making me feel so ill.

Over the past few weeks, I've been experiencing another relapse in my depression and now it's at it's peak. I'm so scared that this is going to send me spiralling down again into suicidal tendencies. I don't know what to do. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm only young but it still hurts.

I can't do this anymore
Personless Void

Fighting mental illness one step at a time!

mihaela
Posts: 1071
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2016 12:42 am
Location: Lancashire and Moldova

Re: Heartbroken, deeply distressed

Postby mihaela » Wed Jan 18, 2017 3:29 pm

You poor thing! I feel for you, for I've been through the same, and it's horrible.

If he broke up with you, especially when you were feeling low, perhaps it's for the best. Friends like that aren't worth having. Good friends stick with you through thick and thin. I learnt this through experiencing years of being used and dumped. It was a painful thing to admit, but in the end I had to.

Sticking at a miserable job is another cause of stress. The sooner you manage to esacpe from that yoke the better it will be for your mental health - which should always come first. Being very, very unhappy there even upsets me, a stranger, just to know that it's doing that to you. I don't understand it when you say you must stick at the job because you need sick pay (my understanding of how the welfare/benefit system works is very poor), but what's more important - an operation to repair your physical health or a stress-free life to improve your mental health? Both could be life-saving and are equally important. Your job is getting in the way. There's no point having an operation if you're spiralling down to a suicidal state. Someone needs to demand that you get the care you need and deserve, and fully accept that your job is making you very ill. You shouldn't be expected to do this yourself. A family member or friend should do it for you willingly, but if not, a mental health advocate.

personlessvoid wrote:Over the past few weeks, I've been experiencing another relapse in my depression and now it's at it's peak. I'm so scared that this is going to send me spiralling down again into suicidal tendencies. I don't know what to do. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm only young but it still hurts.


You mustn't let it spiral down, and the only real way to stop that happening is to escape from whatever is causing it, to reduce the triggers. It's like a dam that's about to burst. The only way to stop it is to allow some of the water to escape.

I can't do this anymore


No, you certainly can't. You need all the support you can get, preferably from your family and friends. To say that you're only young is pointless and completely irrelevant. Age is no excuse for unhappiness. Show them this reply.

Stay strong and please keep in touch. x

personlessvoid
Posts: 41
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 7:32 pm

Re: Heartbroken, deeply distressed

Postby personlessvoid » Wed Jan 18, 2017 8:32 pm

Thank you for your reply mihaela. I've been in bed all day in tears, and I took the day off of work because I knew I wasn't in the right frame of mind. (I work in a care home, so I'm expected to be professional and 'unemotional' at all times...I dread to think about what's going to happen when I go back and get spoken to about crying at work).

I've rang my CMHT team asking for an emergency appointment so I can talk things through with my doctor. I've also arranged an earlier counselling appointment.

The operation is something I've been waiting for for a long time, but obviously it won't be going ahead until I am mentally well, and I'm in a very vulnerable and unstable position right now. I just hope I feel better soon :( I haven't felt this ill since last October...
Personless Void

Fighting mental illness one step at a time!

streetspirit
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2017 10:14 am

Re: Heartbroken, deeply distressed

Postby streetspirit » Thu Jan 19, 2017 11:59 am

Hello.
I'm so sorry to hear that things are so incredibly difficult for you. You have a lot of different pressures on you right now: the break up with your boyfriend, the upcoming operation and work. Any one of those things on their own would be difficult for anyone to handle so having all three to contend with at once it going to be tough. Be kind to yourself by allowing yourself to not feel ok. Being kind to yourself also means tackling one thing at a time and not expecting yourself to fix everything at once. Of all of those three things I think the work situation is the one that may be within your control to address to relieve some pressure at the moment. I see since your original post that you took a day off which I think was very smart and shows that you were looking after yourself. Do you have a decent line manager at work? If so do you ever have one to one meetings with them? If you do then it might be worth writing all the things down that you are finding difficult at work and taking it to the meeting to discuss. If you don't have one to ones with your line manager do you feel confident enough to ask to have one? If you do then do the same thing and write your work difficulties down and take that to.the meeting. The idea of writing these things down is so that you don't have to struggle to remember what you want to say during the meeting. You can also keep going back to what you have written down before the meeting to make sure it's an accurate description, it's also an idea to try to describe facts rather than high emotion when dealing with work. If you go ahead with the meeting take notes or ask the manager to take notes and email them to each other after the meeting has occurred so there is a clear trail and documentation of your attempts to improve things at work.
If the idea of having such a meeting is too much for you then maybe think about whether this job is a) necessary for your survival (financially) and/or b) the job you see yourself doing for a long time to come.
As previously stated, the most important thing to preserve is your health (mental and physical) so sometimes it's better to walk away from things that are causing difficulty. It is worth considering first what support you may be able to get from work before you decide to quit, but take time to make that decision and give yourself the space you need to make the decision so if you need to take sick leave for a bit longer then that's what you need to do. Don't felt pressurised into rushing into anything before you have had time to consider your options.
Big hug x

personlessvoid
Posts: 41
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 7:32 pm

Re: Heartbroken, deeply distressed

Postby personlessvoid » Thu Jan 19, 2017 7:37 pm

Hi streetspirit, I love your username!
I do usually have one to one meetings with my manager but I feel really unable to talk to her about anything at the moment because of how my colleagues and I are being treated by the 'big bosses' - I've spoken to a colleague who I get on with and who shares similar issues and who has told me she feels the same as I do. There's a lot of sudden changes happening at work and whenever I've spoken to my manager about my health and work I got very emotional and upset, and her response was quite hard and stern, so I'm reluctant to tell her much.

In all honesty, I do need the money as I'm planning on going to university this September so I'm trying to save for it. I have 4 days off from work so I'm hoping I'll be more stable and less teary so I can focus on the future.
Personless Void

Fighting mental illness one step at a time!


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