Search

Support Forum

SANE Support Forum

Anyone up? In trouble

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
User avatar
jelly tot
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 3:56 pm
Location: South East UK

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby jelly tot » Mon Jul 18, 2016 1:17 am

Hi. Sorry if I have causedbu any excess worry. I haven't meant to.
No there is Jo way I can tell them. They think I'm too depressive as it is. I mean if they had to deal with all I have to they may understand just a little but they are too self.absorbed to think past there own lives normally. That's my partners words but it doesn't give me any comfort. Through everything I'm still a drain on life. My partner gave her job up to become my full time carer and I know your prob thinking well that should be enough that she will stay with me but to me.it.is.enough of a reason to leave. I know having borderline personality disorder my sense of abandoment is sky high. I just do everything to make people happy and it is never good.enough. my self esteem and self worth are in the toilet and I can not change it as much as I wish but I still hate what I see in the mirror no matter what I have been through. I hate the word survivor as it means I'm a victim and that I don't agree with. If it happened to me it wouldn't have happened to others. Despite being the daughter it was my fault no matter what is said.
I can think positive but nothing canges I am flawd I'm the reason people leave or die.
How are you? Please let me help you. I am better at that than breathing. Xc
Jelly Tot Xx

A thousand words, yet none that fit what i feel today!

needtogetbetter
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2016 8:59 pm

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby needtogetbetter » Tue Jul 19, 2016 11:19 pm

hello iv had a busy few days, good and bad ones! im still forcing myself along the thoughts of positive psychology and although iv had the odd wobble iv been okay. Hows things with you? i know where your coming from with the guilt over your girlfriend caring for you, i just wonder was all okay before you decided to get married or have these feelings and thoughts been there for a while just helps me understand your situation better :) YOur not causing any excess stress im happy to help anyone if i can as i know how awful these destructive feelings can be and what they can do..

User avatar
jelly tot
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 3:56 pm
Location: South East UK

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby jelly tot » Tue Sep 27, 2016 4:31 pm

I'm an awful human. I ruin all that is good. I don't want to be here
Jelly Tot Xx

A thousand words, yet none that fit what i feel today!

mezzaninedoor
Posts: 1050
Joined: Tue Jun 23, 2015 5:27 pm

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby mezzaninedoor » Tue Sep 27, 2016 5:48 pm

You are not an awful human being. This is your inner monolgue/self critic taking over.
Treat yourself well.
You have had a very hard few months and you need to give yourself credit for what you may have been brave about and the fact like all of us you are still trying.
Make sure you access some support for yourself.

User avatar
jelly tot
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 3:56 pm
Location: South East UK

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby jelly tot » Tue Sep 27, 2016 6:32 pm

If u knew me and what I have done u would too think I'm awful. I got married it was the best day of my life all the stress and worry was worth it. I'm my worst crtix I will give u that... I dont really have a decent care team I'm also the last person who would phone and ask for help. I know I'm spiraling as my thoughts are getting louder. I no people will think its selfish of me but I don't want to be here anymore. People will be better off without me. I thought writing down how I feel and what my thoughts are but I'm just more sure how much I don't deserve to breath. I need to set people free. I wish my head wasn't my own coz then I wouldn't screw up but its all I'm good at. Sorry. You guys don't need this.
Jelly Tot Xx

A thousand words, yet none that fit what i feel today!

User avatar
jelly tot
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 3:56 pm
Location: South East UK

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby jelly tot » Tue Sep 27, 2016 8:14 pm

I feel so lost and alone
Jelly Tot Xx

A thousand words, yet none that fit what i feel today!

tofler
Posts: 291
Joined: Thu Sep 08, 2016 11:33 pm
Location: England (North East)

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby tofler » Thu Sep 29, 2016 12:27 am

Sorry to hear that you're feeling so lost and alone. I noticed that you often seem to be really, really hard on yourself and mean to yourself. Is it depression that you're struggling with?

User avatar
jelly tot
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 3:56 pm
Location: South East UK

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby jelly tot » Sat Feb 18, 2017 3:31 am

Which way is up... I keep messing it all up. I have let down the most important person to me because I'm paranoid. I'm insecure. I'm crazy. Just want to walk out of my life and disappear. Before I cab do that I need to clear some space in the diary so I dobt let anyone else down with commitment I have made. Well maybe if I'm lucky there will be a memory wiping thingy abd no one will know I existed. I'm no good to man or beast. I'm no good to myself. My most treasured person thinks I don't care, thinks they do t matter. The worlds better off without me. Before u say that's not the case its true. I just can't do this. I can't even look at myself without wanting to smash my own face in. I'm simply no good. I never win. Im never going to stop being I'll. Or maybe I'm not I'll maybe the rest of the world is. Maybe there crazy abd I'm average. I don't want to go to sleep coz then I have to wake up. You all deserve better I'm sorry to you all. I'm sorry for everything
Jelly Tot Xx

A thousand words, yet none that fit what i feel today!

christabel
Posts: 2105
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 4:49 am

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby christabel » Sat Feb 18, 2017 7:22 pm

Hi there

Don't be sorry. You said it yourself. You are ill. Not doing things right or what you think it right because of your illness does not make you a bad person.

Nothing is so bad that can't be put right.

Wishing you well. Chris

User avatar
jelly tot
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 3:56 pm
Location: South East UK

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby jelly tot » Thu Feb 23, 2017 3:59 pm

Its to late to put things right.
Jelly Tot Xx

A thousand words, yet none that fit what i feel today!


Return to “Mutual Support Group”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 18 guests

cron