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Not coping well with my anxious attachment style.

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anxious-gg
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Jun 16, 2016 10:12 pm

Not coping well with my anxious attachment style.

Postby anxious-gg » Thu Jun 16, 2016 10:21 pm

Hi everyone,

I am G, and I'm new to all this so bear with me!

I am 23 and female and I have an anxious preoccupied attachment style, which basically means I am terrified of being abandoned, that I attach onto one person and then because of my fears of being left I act needy and clingy but to MEGA extremes. I have anxiety and depression because of it.

The person I am attached to has left me this week, after more than three years together. He cheated on me numerous times which further supported my fears that he would find someone better and leave, so even when I found out he'd been with someone else I'd beg him to stay with me.

Anyway at the start of this week he finally snapped and said he can't be the person to support me any longer, that it's too much for him and he can never make me happy or help me get better.

I've been struggling loads with being alone - messaging and calling him all the time, panicking that he's with someone else already, too scared to leave the house incase I see him with another girl, driving past his house to see if his car is there and if not calling him to find out where he is, constantly begging him to change his mind etc etc.

Does anyone else have this attachment style?? I feel so lonely and distraught, and like everyone knows I'm crazy

Thanks for reading and hopefully chat to some of you - sorry for the self absorbed post!!

Xx

strangeangle
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2016 11:14 pm

Re: Not coping well with my anxious

Postby strangeangle » Fri Jun 17, 2016 5:47 pm

Hi G,

I do have abandonment fears but with me I have dealt with it through burying my head in the sand, not being supportive to whom I'm around which leads to guilt surfacing eventually about how I must be a terrible person to do this to others and ruminating how I'm a victim too because they'll leave. It's usually me who makes a break but only when it's gotten to a catastrophic state. I can intellectualise the situation but despite that I can't seem to stop it when I am in a highly anxious depressive mood. When I'm not low the thoughts aren't there. Do you get times when it's less bad for you? I think many with mental health issues have some fear of being rejected because if it though I can see/feel how for you its central to your situation.

I feel for you as with me its only in my low state. But I wanted to say that you aren't alone.

Don't beat yourself up about it, I know that's easy to say. Are you getting support for your situation?

All the best

Steve

anxious-gg
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Jun 16, 2016 10:12 pm

Re: Not coping well with my anxious attachment style.

Postby anxious-gg » Fri Jun 17, 2016 6:59 pm

Thanks for your reply.

Do you mind me asking, when you're around others do you act like everything's fine and stuff doesn't bother you? Or do you let people know you feel guilty, low and anxious?

I am normally not as bad if me and my 'partner' are okay, although I still worry just not to an overwhelming level. He's allegedly coming to see me tonight, but I know it will just be to tell me I have to manage to be alright without him, which will upset me as I feel like if I were good enough then he'd stick around.

I've made an appointment for two weeks time to see a therapist and I'm also considering hypnotherapy alongside it. Do you see anyone to help you??

G


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