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TRIG - Bad thoughts

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Love
Posts: 164
Joined: Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:46 pm

TRIG - Bad thoughts

Postby Love » Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:02 am

Last night I had bad thoughts. I was really low and was thinking about my suicide. Not how I would do it but just that I felt a bit suicidal and like there was no point to anything. I was thinking about how it would affect people. That just made me feel worse. I couldn't sleep and this morning I feel like rubbish - really tired and dizzy and a bit down. I've taken two bouts of sickness in the last two weeks and was referred to Occupational Health. I am on a temporary contract for a year which runs out in September and I'm in the process of applying for a permanent job with the same company so really don't want to take too much time off sick in case I jeopardise my application. My work uses the bradford factor to measure sickness absence, which gives a number of points according to the number of instances of sickness absences and I don't know how this would affect me. I feel like I've got no choice but to keep going. My work knows about my bipolar and are very supportive as they are a mental health charity. But there comes a point where mental health becomes a capability issue - am I capable of turning up to work and doing my job properly. I don't know where I am going with this - I just had to let it out and tell someone how I'm feeling. I don't like telling my family as they worry too much. I don't feel suicidal today, just like I want to 'stop the world and get off' for a bit. Thank you for reading x

Lucretia
Posts: 8716
Joined: Sun Jan 16, 2011 11:02 am
Location: birmingham

Re: TRIG - Bad thoughts

Postby Lucretia » Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:13 am

hi
im sorry I cant give much advise as I don't work
xx
im very sorry you are struggling so much right now
xx
I know many people on here work or have worked so I hope they will be able to advise you on sickness leave
as far as your mental health do you think it might be worth speaking to your gp about getting more support?
hugs
xx
It's nice to be important ,but it's more important to be nice
xxxxxx


non muggle and proud

Love
Posts: 164
Joined: Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:46 pm

Re: TRIG - Bad thoughts

Postby Love » Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:24 am

Yeah, maybe. There is a counselling telephone number at work and I could phone the OH nurse today but I don't know how she could help me practically.

Love
Posts: 164
Joined: Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:46 pm

Re: TRIG - Bad thoughts

Postby Love » Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:24 am

Got to go to work now but will check in later xxx

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caz
Posts: 3567
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2007 10:31 pm
Location: Northwest England

Re: TRIG - Bad thoughts

Postby caz » Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:27 am

heya Love, maybe give the OH a ring and see what they say...they may be able to give you more advice hun xxxhugsxxx
“The darkness that surrounds us cannot hurt us.
It is the darkness in your own heart you should fear."


Where there's a way out.....I will find it!!!!

Aisha85
Posts: 466
Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2011 8:57 pm

Re: TRIG - Bad thoughts

Postby Aisha85 » Wed Jun 05, 2013 2:39 pm

Hello,I came totally relate to how you're feeling! Especially saying u want to pause from the world for a bit.i feel totally the same. It's horrible isn't it. I too don't want to end my life but, at the same time, I feel incredibly low and want to take a break from it all. God we will all live better days soon.

kasskaa11
Posts: 365
Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2012 4:23 pm

Re: TRIG - Bad thoughts

Postby kasskaa11 » Wed Jun 05, 2013 3:32 pm

hello love, difficult time for you, I get your dilemma re the capability thing. I worked as a support worker, also for a charity, and although I had been with the company for several years, I hadn't disclosed my own mh issues. I became so unwell and afraid I would put a person who I supported at risk, I resigned, in order to deal with my issues and hopefully recover. I couldn't go to my line manager with these concerns for fear of getting in to trouble for not disclosing in the first place.
looking back now, I would have liked to have talked things through honestly and openly with the company, and took their guidance on my post/situation.
as we know, mh affects us all very differently, so I cannot advise you, its so difficult to make these decisions/calls when were not feeling 100 percent ourselves.

I don't know if the decision I made was the correct one, but I was exhausted and in my darkest moments I feel weak and a failure for quitting, as I loved my job and miss it loads.

good luck
xoxox

Love
Posts: 164
Joined: Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:46 pm

Re: TRIG - Bad thoughts

Postby Love » Thu Jun 06, 2013 9:08 am

Hi Kass, thank you for sharing that about yourself. My organisation knows about my mh issues, so that isn't a concern. I ended up being sent home yesterday, but I'm going in today as I feel a lot better and there is just too much to do in readiness for Monday, when we have a big event going on. I will just do what I can xxx

kasskaa11
Posts: 365
Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2012 4:23 pm

Re: TRIG - Bad thoughts

Postby kasskaa11 » Fri Jun 07, 2013 10:18 am

well done love. you sound loads more positive. xoxox

Lucretia
Posts: 8716
Joined: Sun Jan 16, 2011 11:02 am
Location: birmingham

Re: TRIG - Bad thoughts

Postby Lucretia » Fri Jun 07, 2013 2:53 pm

I hope everything is okay today
xx
It's nice to be important ,but it's more important to be nice
xxxxxx


non muggle and proud


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