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Sharing through experience

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
Posts: 20
Joined: Thu Jan 12, 2017 6:43 pm

Re: Sharing through experience

Postby luck » Thu Oct 11, 2018 11:08 am

I de am coping a lot better than I was.

Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2018 3:14 am

Re: Sharing through experience

Postby brahimus » Tue Oct 16, 2018 3:23 am

This Is going to be a long post so please be open minded, because this is one of the hardest things I have every done, but I have to do this. I'm also sorry to my friends and family who have to find out this way.
Where to start?
To be honest, I wish I didn't have emotions. Life would be so much simpler without them.
I have always been timid when it comes to expressing myself, speaking my mind, and standing up for something. This stems from being raised in a culture where showing emotions is frowned upon. Men aren't suppose to show their thoughts or feelings.
So I’ve always played it safe and stood by the sideline, and I never wanted to rock the boat. And sometimes, when I’ve felt like saying something, I’ve wondered if people would even care, or if what I say would hurt someone or make them feel uncomfortable.
Because, frankly, sometimes people talk just for the sake of talking or because they want attention, and that bothered me. However, I also envied those who could just say what they think and speak their truth, even though I may or may not have agreed with them.
Nothing I ever did seemed good enough. There was constant criticism that I could do better, and I know I should of done better. I was raised to never to talk back to my seniors and not to say anything when I had nothing nice to say.
I know my friends and family have always had my best interest at heart. They have always tried to help me and be there for me. Push me to what I could become, but not achieving this has made me feel worthless, a disappointment and a failure.
Nevertheless, as years passed, the more I stayed muted, the more horrible my body and mind felt. I pushed people who I care about away and wish I could open up and tell them about everything I feel. But I've become afraid of being open.
Feelings now make me feel vulnerable and weak. Like I am less of a man for having these thoughts and feelings.
I feel like I'm not good enough, I don’t know who I should be, and I feel lost and alone, even when I'm surrounded by those who care about me.
I'm afraid of failure but with no motivation to succeed.
I feel everything and numb all the time.
I know many people will like and respond to this, and I thank you for it, but until I start liking myself. Everything you say will feel empty to me.

Posts: 493
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 10:07 pm

Re: Sharing through experience

Postby betterinrecovery » Tue Oct 23, 2018 4:36 pm

just to let you know that I read your post today.

Posts: 553
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: Sharing through experience

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Wed Oct 31, 2018 11:31 pm

Okay a pile of crap that you have there

Any ideas on what you can do or are going to do to get that pile of crap down a bit

Remove a bit here and a bit from there

And one day the whole pile will be gone - even though at times some bugger will come along and add a bit more to the pile
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself

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