So I’m wondering if my wife/ex is a narcissist!!
We met 10 years ago and I fell deeply in love with her and believe it was mutual, we soon moved in together with her 2 kids and my 2 at weekends. Things were ok for the first 5 years despite a couple of flare ups I found strange at the time but quickly resolved! She was instantly after my full attention and demanding gifts by sending links constantly and once I had bought that item a new link would come.
We married in 2015 then not long after I was diagnosed with cancer which I’ve battled with ever since though always had under control. A lot of things wore me down emotionally and I left last summer in hope it would shock her into realisation and change, we tried again in October but only I had tried to change things from her constant list of faults she said I had, mainly she couldn’t talk to me and she felt alone? I tried to think of why she felt this but couldn’t as I always felt I’m a good listener and at compromise? She would bring up things I had said years before and take them completely out of context to make me doubt myself and what I’d said!
I called it a day again and then at Xmas my cancer returned and she went completely no contact on me! I reached out again for compromise but she turned this into me attacking her? Then went missing, even making her kids block me.
I then bumped into her a few weeks ago with a new bloke and lost my temper and asked how long this had been going on as he was someone from her work. She refused to answer, he got in my face and I did lash out at him before leaving the scene and ringing around her family and friend for answers!
She had me arrested and also sent divorce papers in the post knowing full well I was awaiting big scan results. Pressed charges for harrasment even though this was a one off not planned incident.
She called me and told me she hadn’t had a affair and started seeing this guy 6 weeks after we separated. When I questioned how quick that was she said she hadn’t loved me for the last 2 years and was unhappy and lonely in our marriage?? During this time she had insisted on a £1k eternity ring which I bought and often talked of renewing our vows in Cyprus? It just didn’t ring true and seemed to be to hurt me! I asked if I was the love of her life as she had said before, she paused and said she had loved me when we got married but didn’t think she had a love of her life?
This may all seem just like a normal couple separating but underlying was a number of things that make me feel she could be a narcissist.
*she was constantly pulling me down, not only to me but to my family and friends
*she never built any emotional connection with my kids or her oldest daughter yet the young son was treated as a golden child even referred to as HRH
* constant demands on expensive gifts
* only one real friend who seemed to be her exact double and back up everything she said
* her parents separated when she was 14 and she felt abandoned by them both and soon lived in her own at 17. Any discussion about her parents, childhood was negative and especially her dad who passed away not long after
*constantly wanting to move house, 3 times in 10 years and she was ready to move again
*falling out with people at work and moving jobs constantly again at least 4 times in 10 years
*never would discuss past relationships and if did was to say they was controlling or cheats(I found out the father of her children never cheated as she had me believe, he had the same issues as me and left)
*history of moving from one long term relationship straight into another
*tried to cause arguments with my family and friends then force me to pick sides
*total lack of empathy to anybody, even me when I was ill and especially now knowing what I’m going through she’s just gone no contact, tried to have me arrested and sent divorce papers with me having no way of closure, clarity or questioning it.
*very pretty lady but many people tell me they think she looks down in everybody and is not well liked by people.
*convinced me constantly that I was needy, pampered, controlling
*my friends and family tell me she had me under her thumb and couldn’t see it
* very untidy and I would do most of the chores but be criticised on the standards
I could go on forever with the things that make me think she had narcissistic tendencies and my gut tells me so the more I read, but I feel I’ve been conditioned with doubt and that I’m just looking to excuse my own downfalls and it was really me who wasn’t enough for her??
Update: she continued to ask police to press charges and then used this on the divorce application stating my unreasonable behaviour and a load of fabricated stories! This came through the day before my scan results (coincidence?)!!
My scan showed 3 tumours disappeared and other 2 shrank so great news!! Hopefully can help me push forward with positivity!!
My 14 year old step son called me yesterday from his dads (his dad likes me and is sad I’m no longer in his sons life as he has had the same problems with my ex) he told me my ex had told him he can’t talk to me because the police have said (untrue)! She’s even using her son to cover up her lies with no thought to the impact on him?!?
I’m confident now it’s a narcissist I’m dealing with, the article I’ve added in the comments could have been wrote by me it’s so accurate
Thanks for reading