Hello - feel like I’m losing my 20 year battle

[betty40]

Hello everyone

I’ve never used these forums before but I’m desperate- after 20 years of battling depression and anxiety I feel I have reached the end and there is no hope I’ll get better.

I have destroyed my life it seems and I don’t know what to do.

I’m sorry for rambling post just not sure what to do

Thank you

[jon.]

Hi Betty,

Thanks for my reply first, I'm new at this too. I've been in cronic pain for a long time now and life can be hard but you can't give up. If you give up, there is nothing to come back from. A therapist told me many years ago that if done right suicide is very good at what it does.

I do not pretend to understand your situation but try for little achievable wins, then make it happen, for example I got out of bed, showered and spent the afternoon with my wife even though she was working, instead of staying in bed for the afternoon on my own, so for me it was a win.

It is a really scary time we are living in and its very stressful but no one knows what the future holds.

Take care and stay safe.

Jon.

[rsxo]

Welcome Glad to have you on the forum, let me know if you need any help find your way around!

[alisonz]

I want to start this off by saying I know exactly how you feel and you are not alone. I am 19 and I have been experiencing the same thing. I want you to look yourself in the mirror and compliment yourself no matter how
upset you might be. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. If you ever need to speak to someone about what might be going on i’m always going to be here to listen. I really would love to help you get through this. Please know you are not alone on this.
My instagram is @alisonzillante if you need a friend.

[legrambo]

Reading your post this morning encouraged me to sign up to the SANE forum. I'm in pretty much the same space right now having fought depression all my adult life so I can understand how you are feeling. I was diagnosed with Dysthymia (now more commonly called Persistent Depressive Disorder) about 9 years ago and one thing I have learned is that never goes away but you can have good times and bad times. I fully understand how your anxiety affects you also as I lost 5 years of my life to severe social anxiety, rarely leaving the house and hiding myself away when visitors called round, again it never goes away but things can get better. Don't mean to sound patronising, as I know that if you suffered for 20 years you will have a far better understanding of this illness and it's terrible impact upon our lives than most. Please don't give up, again not a flippant remark because I have the same thoughts when things are at their worst, but I just want to offer words of support, and in a way reading your post helped me to understand that there are so many of us suffering at a time when it's hard to get the proper help we need. I hope these words help in some small way
Lee.

[borojames]

hi Betty
I know just how you feel as due to suffering for 25 years now myself and trying countless therapies, im literally on verge of giving up due to local mental health services being useless and refusing to offer help, say they offered all they can in form of therapies so im on my own to try and fix myself so know exactly how you must be feeling, I suffer from, dysthymia a form of depression along with severe anxiety where need diazepam to leave the house, plus complex ptsd
if you need any help in regards to therapies iv tried etc, some have actually helped but unfortunately due to circumstances iv just gone way back over in last few years.
only just joined this site 10 minutes ago and yours was first post I read, try and keep plugging away as hard as it may seem

[legrambo]

borojames,

Interesting to read your post below as I was also diagnosed with Dysthymia around 8 years ago and suffer social anxiety. It never really leaves you does it? I know I battle on a daily/weekly basis and nothing really gets better, I remember being told by my GP pre diagnosis the we must ' learn to live with depression', hopefully things have changed over the years because it really is not that simple is it, I know that I lost 5 years of my life as virtual recluse, unable to leave the house or face people. These days little has changed for me I just get on with it and all I have is 20mg's of Citalopram (was 40mm a few years back but I reduced it myself gradually as I felt like a zombie!). Post diagnosis I did at least qualify for DLA but lost that when it changed to PIP and I was unable to attend the interview due to my anxiety. Life goes on, but it's not a bundle of fun.
Lee.

[lol76]

It really isnt that simple Lee is it...I really agree with you. Not exactly a constructive thing to be told by your GP. It can feel like a constant battle, I too have tried lots of different therapies. I particularly hate the ones who say 'face your fear'...I have done this but it doesnt make the fear go away like I watch on the tele. No matter how hard I push I still suffer with crippling anxiety and then sink into awful depressions. It's a good job there are forums like this around so we can listen and support each other. We all know how hard we try...if trying hard is the answer then none of us would be suffering.

[borojames]

just read your response Lee
you should qualified for PIP especially due to fact couldn't attend due to being so bad its too hard to attend assessment, ask for home visit and get CAB involved and ic just had to change my long term gp as he was literally shrugging his shoulders and saying I don't know what to do mind wouldn't touch me due to ptsd and few other things, he would offer any other help but would say im here if you need me, I kept saying yes but need you for what if you cant help with anything but he just repeated the line im here if you need me, luckily I remembered id had 1 appointment with different doc when couldn't see him and she seemed really clued up, so made phone appointment with her, after 1 phone call she sent me a txt with 8 links on it for help and had me an appointment for assessment with secondary care and medication review, why couldn't regular gp do that when she could after 1 appointment.
and he was the same kept saying I just need to keep getting out more, force myself he would say, id literally do it every day see how far I could get and lot of days get less distance than others and feel even worse in myself so that face your fears thing obviously dosnt fit for us all,id end up on my hands and knees with my attacks trying that and tell him but he wasn't interested,
anyway sorry for rant just thought share with you