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I'm just lost

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feelingmeh
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue May 07, 2019 8:56 pm

I'm just lost

Postby feelingmeh » Tue May 07, 2019 9:09 pm

Hello all, thanks you for taking the ttime to read this. I appreciate any support massively ❤.

I don't understand how I feel or why I feel it. I'm not suicidal, I'm not wanting to self harm. I just feel like I can't cope anymore.
I am in a job I absolutely hate but need the money. I've got anxiety that's worse on workdays, I cry as i leave the house in the morning, I have chest pains, pins and needles and dizziness throughout the day. I promise myself I'll walk the dog, and go to the gym every evening but never do. I then spend my whole evening in bed crying that I've messed everything up once again. I tell myself tomorrow I'll do it, tomorrow I'll be a good person, tomorrow I'll shower and clean my house but just can't face it. Sometimes it will be weeks until I brush my hair.

I've always been a worrier as a child but since I lost my nan (who love as much as my mum,we were incredibly close) I feel like it's broke me,like I'll never be the same again. I've been to the hospital and gp about it all. My symptoms are anxiety and I tried medication but it didn't suit me. I am a believer in mindfulness and meditation which is great in the moment but not helping long term.

I just want reassurance I'm not mad and things will get better as at times it really doesn't feel like it will. What can I do to help myself?

Thank you all again x

vitasw
Posts: 51
Joined: Mon Feb 19, 2018 9:09 pm

Re: I'm just lost

Postby vitasw » Tue May 07, 2019 10:42 pm

Hey feelingmeh,

Really sorry to hear you are feeling this way right now. You might not be able to see it but that voice saying "tomorrow", "tomorrow I'll do it, tomorrow I'll be a good person, tomorrow I'll shower and clean my house" is you coping as best you can at this moment. If saying "tomorrow" helps you get through today then you are doing a good job. There's a quote I like about hope not being a sign of weakness, but a gift we give to ourselves, and it is a sign of strength. I don't know if that's something you relate to but your message reminded me of it.

I'm very sorry about your loss, it sounds incredibly difficult. I don't think you are mad. Grief can make us a bit crazy sometimes but it's understandable when something so big and life changing happens.

You mentioned looking for ways to help yourself, I'm wondering if something you could do would be to ask help from others? Maybe you have a friend who also wants to spend more time at the gym? (and maybe something easier like once or twice a week to start) Or someone who would enjoy walking the dog with/for you? I can't have a dog at the moment but I would love the chance to hang out with a dog :) Sometimes we aren't aware of what help people are happy to give until we ask.

I hope things feel better soon!

Kindest regards x

ion
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu May 09, 2019 8:18 pm

Re: I'm just lost

Postby ion » Thu May 09, 2019 8:23 pm

Hey feeling meh,

I just went on the site and yours was the first post I read. I relate to not being able to even brush your hair, I recently chopped most of mine off one day before work, it actually helped mornings be more manageable..

I always feel like people notice I'm unwashed / smell bad /greasy hair, I'm really self conscious about it too.

I'm sorry you're going through it, and I'm also sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing I guess.


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