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Worried mum

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fowey
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Feb 19, 2019 3:02 pm

Worried mum

Postby fowey » Tue Feb 19, 2019 3:28 pm

Hi, I’m a worried mum who would love some advice re my son. He is 37 and suffered with depression since he was 17, has been on numerous antidepressants, used to be open to trying new meds but over the years he has less and less faith in doctors. He used to be quite sociable, has a 16 year old son who he sees constantly.he has worked over the years and has been to uni and lived away from home but depression has always bought him back home. He has lived with me now for the past 6 yrs, works for himself now but all done on line and hasn’t been doing well. He hardly ever leaves his room or the house, friends stopped asking him out and even when one got in touch recently he made excuses not to see him. He has no motivation, doesn’t get dressed some days, hates his life but won’t do anything to change it, always negative about everything. Didn’t think the nhs was helping him so saw a private psychiatrist but even though he does have some degree of success with new meds it’s always short lived and he’s back to square one. He refuses to go back to him now so is under no one at the mo but still on his meds of Mirtazipine 45mg and lamotrigine 200mg a day. He refuses all suggestions of councilling even though I offer to pay privately. He’s now at the stage and has been for quite a while where he feels this is it for his life and no one can help. He admits it’s the situation of living at home and never going out and having no friends but he doesn’t seem willing to change it. He does earn money but not enough to live on his own with but I honestly don’t think he would be any happier as he hasn’t in the past. Sorry if this all sounds garbling and I probably haven’t explained everything very well but there really isn’t enough space to say it all. I just hope someone has gone thru the same as me with a family member or has gone thru this personally. We are a very close family but unfortunately my lovely husband passed away in November after a long illness so 8 know we are all still greiving which is added pressure to him .

pauley
Posts: 94
Joined: Wed Sep 26, 2018 5:48 am

Re: Worried mum

Postby pauley » Tue Feb 19, 2019 7:20 pm

Hey,
Thank you for posting, you are obviously very caring, and suffering yourself with the added grief of loss. It is very hard to help somebody, but not impossible. At my worst, my depression caused me to become withdrawn, I felt so helpless and worthless, I simply did not understand why people would care.
But, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, it may seem a long way off, but it is there. Would your son do things with you? Maybe a walk and a coffee somewhere? Can you engage with any of his friends? ask them for help? maybe one could call in "unexpectedly" for a coffee?
It is very difficult, I needed a lot of time on my own to begin to come to terms with what was happening to me, and that was very hard on those who care for me, especially as I felt unworthy of their care. I spent time walking the costal paths around Cornwall, finding a beach and just reading. Also, I got back to the gym after many years away, i can recommend swimming!
Keep posting, we are not a busy forum, but all want to help each other.
Pauley


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