My name is Amber and I'm relatively new to this forum. I found it by chance looking for support.
I suffer from severe anxiety and Chronic/Complex PTSD as a result of years of trauma both as a child and as an adult.
I have self medicated for years as a way of coping but that is a cycle that I have broken through hard work and determination.
I am in the middle of prosecuting my parents for abuse suffered as a child - as a result I am estranged from my entire family.
To the matter in hand, I experienced a major health relapse in January and went into crisis for six weeks. I had to be signed off work and went to my Dr to ask for support / help.
Fast forward four months to April / May and I have an assessment for an assessment - to triage my treatment despite the GP telling me she would refer me to specialist PTSD treatment six months ago.
After the appointment I received a letter from the services to say that they had decided without meeting me to not treat me whilst the prosecution is ongoing. The second problem was that on the same day I had a horrific 1:1 at work where my line manager essentailly deccimated my personality on the basis of my mental health problems.
I was on a fixed term contract and as the work situation was making me ill rather than keeping me focussed I got signed off and left. I have since received a letter saying that they want to meet me to 'discuss' their decision. This to me is offensive and patronising, but then I guess there is a chance they can offer me SOME form of treatment.
My partner wants me to pay to get treatment privately, as I have tried explaining to him private treatment for this would be very expensive and would annihalate our savings. The upshot is that I am still INCREDIBLY unwell. I suffered a trauma panic attack on Thursday which had me heaped on the floor crying.
I am (right now) in the middle of exams (I am doing an MSC in Psychology and Neuroscience of Mental Health). I am trying to stay focussed and calm but functioning even on a basic level is challenging, exhausting and difficult. My symptoms personally include regular visual illusions - I had a job interview three weeks ago and couldn't even see the interview panel as their faces were 'melting' in my line of vision.
I am struggling and the hardest part of it is having to 'remind' my partner that I am ill because I am so good at appearing 'normal' even to him, I think it's because he doesn't know what / how to help.
Sorry for the lenghty post - just needed to get that off my chest as I am off to pull an all nighter to get these fecking papers written and submitted on time. Nothing like a bit of stress to focus the fear eh!
All the best,