Firstly, Well done for sharing it with everyone here! That’s can be a big step and it can be hard telling anyone let alone some one you love. And with my past, I’ve now learnt it’s much better to vent and share things with people I can trust than to hold things in, because it builds up.
I have been with my bf for nearly 5 years and never told him about my past, it ate away at me nearly everyday and I was scared to tell him because he’s fairly perfect, he’s had a really nice up bringing and he’s got a really loving family and I thought why would he want to be with someone like me once he found out about my dark past, and I was scared to tell him after such a long time because I’d kept it hidden and felt like I’d been lying all these years.
I started to really struggle with my mental health and one night I just felt like I had to tell him because I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I was crying and shaking and it took me a few hours to explain everything. His reaction was “ I’ve known this the whole time” and he said he sort of worked it out for him self. And he doesn’t understand everything but after I felt so much better because I had shared it with someone I love and we are stronger because of it.
I don’t know how your bf will handle what you have to say, and you will tell him when you’re ready, these things are hard. I hope he understands and if he doesn’t, then that’s something he needs to work on.
And for help, I would suggest doing some counselling with the NhS as it’s free or ring the same help like tonight and ask them what help you can get. And your GP will know all of the resources in your area that can help you. Also exercise, run, walk, swim, do anything you can to get your self moving and you will start to feel better.
Good luck and look after your self.
I wish you all the best!