Hi Amber and Smiler,
Thank you for your replies! It’s nice to talk about this with people that have it and know what it’s like. I’m sorry you both have gone through this as well :/
And yes when I think if I did die it wouldn’t be worse than how I’m feeling right now I start to feel a bit calmer, which is strange because the fear is of suddenly dying from a heart attack or an allergic reaction. ( which makes eating anything other than a ham sanwhich or chips quite hard, but I’m trying to eat other things each day)
Some days are better than others and I wish it would just stop now, every day I think “yep that situation is going to bring it on”. And it’s realky hard going through it all the time. And it’s not just one thing or one Symptom. It could seem like everything is really bright and loud and that tends to make me feel quite angry and snappy, or it could be “if I eat that then I could be allergic or it will make me feel funny”, or I can’t go there because I’ll be chlaustrophobic, or great it’s time for bed I’m going to have really bad night mares if the past and wake up and feel like I can’t breathe. It feels like this thing just won’t give me a break, I just want to be able to walk out the froth door and do anything without this.
I feel like it’s a huge extra weight I have to carry, but now I really appreciate things I used to hate, like paying bills or going to work... I used to not be able to do that but now I can
And thank you I will try just sitting down and breathing when all the visual stuff comes on
And thank you I agree that it means we are actually really strong, you must be strong to cope with this
And I hope it is a phase... I can’t wait fo it to be over!
Sorry for the rant as well.. it’s been a hard few days with this and I have work tomorrow and I know that’s going to be hard because I can already feel it coming on.
Thank you both so much!! It really does help hearing back from people! And I don’t feel so alone and that I’m not the only person in the world with this.
I hope things get better for you two as well
All the best