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pati
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2018 2:07 pm

Not sure what to think

Postby pati » Thu Mar 22, 2018 2:18 pm

Hi,
This is the first time I am posting on here because I am clueless as to what I should do.
I started dating this guy nearly three months ago, from the beginning he was so full of life and despite putting himself down he was doing everything he could so that the two of us would get together. I actually left a partner of 4 years just to be with this guy. From the beginning he told me that he has been suffering from depression. I didn't realise how difficult the situation actually could get when suddenly he would stop talking to me and became distant. I kept blaming myself and I did tell him that I am not worth his time which is probably what caused him to get worse. I read up on depression and found out that sometimes people with depression push their close ones in order to protect them. I started to be a little more patient and tried to be helpful. We don't live together but I made sure that he knows that I am always there for him and I will help if it's needed. He refuses to see anyone about the depression because of the bad experiences his sister and his ex partner had.
Things were improving up to the point I realised that I am pregnant (we both don't want a child) I think at this point something in his head just triggered because he became even more distant when I needed him the most. He said to me that he is not able to give me what I need and that he cannot drag me down with him. He broke up with me but still ensured me that he will support me with the pregnancy termination.
I am lost in how to feel because in my eyes he is the guy I want to be with and I love. He said he still has love for me and he is still looking out for me despite not wanting to be with me. I am not sure whether I should carry on fighting for us to be together or whether he is actually better off without me.
Any advice ?

vitasw
Posts: 51
Joined: Mon Feb 19, 2018 9:09 pm

Re: Not sure what to think

Postby vitasw » Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:40 am

Hi Pati,

Welcome to the forum!

I think this part of what you've said really stands out to me, "He said he still has love for me and he is still looking out for me despite not wanting to be with me.I am not sure whether I should carry on fighting for us to be together or whether he is actually better off without me. "

I found that reading your post reveals very little about you or how you feel, it's all about him and about what's best for him. Clearly, you are a very caring and loving person, but I wonder if you are valuing your own needs and wants here. Do you really want to be with someone who has made clear that he doesn't want to be with you? Who was emotionally distant at a time when you needed support?

It may well be is actions towards you are the result of his depression (self-destructive, unclear feelings, low self-worth), but that doesn't give him an excuse for this behavior. It doesn't mean you have to forgive or explain away this behavior, particularly as you've only been dating for a relatively short time. You also can't fight for a relationship that the other person has said they don't want to be in.

My advice would be to think more about your own feelings and needs. This person has decided to end their romantic relationship with you, I would advise you to try and accept that decision and focus on yourself for awhile.

All the best, V


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