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Friendly advice

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Joined: Wed Mar 07, 2018 12:53 am

Friendly advice

Postby tm » Wed Mar 07, 2018 1:16 am

I've never been an open person, hate feeling vunerable which is fed by my anxiety. I think/trying this may help and make it easier to express.

I've been suffering with anxiety my whole life. I used to have night terrros that were not visual, but I could feel them. Its what I recognise today as anxiety. However I've got to a point where I am not in control of my anxiety.

I've been here before. I've been suffering from severe anxiety and depression for over 10 years and no one knows. I've been to the doctors, been laughed at, been advised also but it's something I never follow through with. Being from England, luckily we do have the NHS which is a blessing but the waiing list is 6 months and I either "feel" better by then or too scared to go through it and admit it.

I lost my mum when I just turned 17 and yes, I know a lot of others have and I always try to live my life by there is always someone worse off, but it's something I have never dealt with.

Im having a rough time at the moment for various normal life reasons but I'm not reacting in the way I want or feel in control of. And all I really want still, is my mum.

I've been trying calming techniques which work sometimes, other times don't help at all.
I guess what I really need help with it expressing this to my doctor for help. It's like if I finally do that it becomes real to me, like somehow everyone will know. But I do need help and have for a long time. I tried to go to an emergency centre this evening but I got turned away as it was too busy.

Posts: 183
Joined: Thu Jul 20, 2017 4:34 pm

Re: Friendly advice

Postby emloja » Wed Mar 07, 2018 9:10 am

I read your message late last night and knew i had to respond. I completely empathise with you; I have had anxiety since a teenager and bouts of depression, I also don't talk about it to anyone and struggle with being vulnerable. I often feel that i wear a mask when around everyone in the real world. I had tried all the herbal remedies for anxiety and depression available; been on many paid courses and nothing had worked.
I only ended up going to the doctors as i got really bad insomnia and lost lots of weight due to the depression- when it started to affect me like this- i really couldn't function and needed help. I initially went to ask for help with my sleep but it wasn't hard for the real reason behind this all to come out. I didn't ever want to go to the doctors as I was so scared of MH diagnoses being on my records- i had paid privately for a counsellor so it was not communicated with my doctor, i even looked at going private to a GP but couldn't afford it and wasn't sure it would stay private. Over the years i had visited my GP but the most i would reveal was tiredness- hoping they would do some bloods and say i could have a pill to make me feel better.
Anyway- i really hope my waffle is helpful. 1.5 years on and I am in such a better place- I did relent and try AD (which for me have been amazing with both the anxiety and depression- i remember a few months in- i just lay on my bed and was- i realised just being was quite pleasant without all the anxiety and physiological effects. There were some symptoms i just thought i would have forever but more recently they have gone too (the poor doctor even sent me for an ECG as i was convinced the anxiety had affected my heart!!)- the thoughts are a little harder to challenge- but i am in a much better place now to access the talking support etc- even the breathing exercises which i had worked so hard on - can now help). Now i was a real doubter especially with regards to AD but they have complimented everything i have been doing. The important thing is to talk to your doctor (I wrote a massive list and would have enormous anxiety both before the session and after- but i made myself go), i also practiced a script for days before i went (this is something my mind does when particularly anxious). Then you can discuss options open to you and you can slowly find out what will work for you. If it wasn't for my insomnia i would still be really struggling now. It is amazing how you can normalise some of the feelings rather than face them.
I think the great thing is that you have made a first step by coming on here. I have found this website really helpful as when you don't talk to anyone it is an outlet- it helps you see you aren't alone and can be very supportive.
I am currently working on being kind to myself and accepting my difficulties. When things are well it is fine but once things change that is when i probably could do with being more open about things- i know this is a massive barrier to my recovery but don't seem to be able to do anything about it. It is a journey but i think you know you cannot do this alone any longer.
I really hope my waffle has helped in some way and that i can help. Good luck

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