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Starting to lose the plot again but need a sanity check...

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rich1404
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Feb 28, 2018 6:08 pm

Starting to lose the plot again but need a sanity check...

Postby rich1404 » Wed Feb 28, 2018 6:27 pm

Hi

I'm new to this forum, but not new to Sane (I ran the 2015 London marathon for them) or depression (I first got diagnosed with it in 1996 and then later with bipolar in 2002)... Anyway, I had been fairly stable since then until a 2-3 years when it progressively starting coming back, leading up to a period of complete craziness last summer (when I went nearly a month without sleeping) and three weeks in a clinic. Since then things have been up and down... in the lead up to Xmas I was adamant that I wasn't depressed but equally determined that I was going to kill myself early in the new year (but I actually brought this attempt forward to boxing day - thankfully it was unsuccessful).

My mood since then picked up but is now starting to come down... I've got to much time on my hands (even though I'm trying to constructively fill it) and that's not good for me as I have so many unhelpful thoughts.

One of them that I could really do with a sanity check on is, for some reason I really feel a strong urge to be open with some of my closer facebook friends about my illness, but my wife is completely anti it. I've even written the post, but am struggling to decide whether to heed her advice as it might be my illness or whether to post it (as my illness has felt like a dirty secret that I've been hiding for too long )... any thoughts would be welcome.

Facebook post:

Can I start by asking that you don’t like or share this post as I’d rather your wider network didn’t see this personal message, but if you would like to message me then it would be great to hear from you...

I’ve gone back and forth on this so many millions of times that it makes my head hurt... but the older I get the more important I think it is to stand up, be counted, be open and be honest about who you are. So here goes... (sorry in advance if this is hard to read)

In 2002, at the age of 25, I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. It probably started in my mid to late teens, but it really became a problem when my life was in complete chaos in my mid twenties. By this point I had been in and out of rehab and psych wards, I'd very nearly burned my flat down, I'd been thrown out by my family twice (for good reasons), I was living in a YMCA but very vulnerable to homelessness and life was unhappy and seemed completely pointless (even during the ups)... so, simply put, I tried killing myself.

Now, clearly that wasn’t a successful activity, as I’m writing this, but as a result of it I finally got diagnosed with bipolar and was put on medication to treat it.

This began to transform my life, in literally the space of two weeks I started to get my shit together and later got my career back, got married and got a dog... and everything was going great and I was to all intents and purposes living the dream

Until a couple of years ago. I’m not sure why, but something changed again and I got progressively more unwell until it came to a head last summer... I won't go into the detail, but let's just say that there was 2-3 months of complete craziness followed by three weeks of professional help.

But, for those lucky enough (like myself), with the support from those you love and who love you, you get through... and, despite this set back right in the middle of my MBA, I received my final mark today and somehow (god only knows) I've managed to get a distinction for the the whole thing.

I’m still not sure why I feel a compulsion to announce this as it’s against very good advice, but I hope that it can be perceived as some sort of testament “that just because you can’t see someone's illness, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t there” AND also that mental illness isn’t a weakness - in fact at times it can actually be a strength.

Again, can I ask that you don’t like or share this post as I’d rather your wider network didn’t see this personal message, but if you would like to message me then it would be great to hear from you.

Thank you

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1525
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Starting to lose the plot again but need a sanity check...

Postby andthistoomustpass » Wed Feb 28, 2018 9:07 pm

Hi

As much as I feel so much better since being open about my mental health (lots of feelings of shame and guilt have disappeared), I have never announced it and never disclose it unless the conversation drifts that way. I would counsel caution. There is still a lot of prejudice and outdated views out there and whether or not you ask friends not to share, whether or not you delete, this post will be there forever.

Employers are known to trawl social media on prospective hires and, without the context of knowing you, this may be the difference between you getting the deserved rewards of your shiny new MBA (congrats) and wondering why you never seem to get the job you want.

rotaxmax125
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Feb 28, 2018 7:58 pm

Re: Starting to lose the plot again but need a sanity check...

Postby rotaxmax125 » Wed Feb 28, 2018 9:34 pm

There's no right or wrong. If you felt you wanted to post your feelings and experience on social media then good for you for doing so. I can relate to the fluctuations. I seemed to be doing really well last year after therapy but now I am going through the most difficult period I have faced.

rich1404
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Feb 28, 2018 6:08 pm

Re: Starting to lose the plot again but need a sanity check...

Postby rich1404 » Thu Mar 01, 2018 10:02 am

andthistoomustpass wrote:Hi

As much as I feel so much better since being open about my mental health (lots of feelings of shame and guilt have disappeared), I have never announced it and never disclose it unless the conversation drifts that way. I would counsel caution. There is still a lot of prejudice and outdated views out there and whether or not you ask friends not to share, whether or not you delete, this post will be there forever.

Employers are known to trawl social media on prospective hires and, without the context of knowing you, this may be the difference between you getting the deserved rewards of your shiny new MBA (congrats) and wondering why you never seem to get the job you want.


Thanks for your thoughts - I know you're right about the fact that companies do do their social media background checks (I've done it myself)... I guess in some respects, my desire to be open up about my illness relates as much to wanting to stop the stigma as it does to current health (which I think/know is starting to deteriorate, but which I also know that I am neglecting to address/ self sabotage - if that makes sense)...

Anyway, thanks again for your thoughts

rich1404
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Feb 28, 2018 6:08 pm

Re: Starting to lose the plot again but need a sanity check...

Postby rich1404 » Thu Mar 01, 2018 10:05 am

rotaxmax125 wrote:There's no right or wrong. If you felt you wanted to post your feelings and experience on social media then good for you for doing so. I can relate to the fluctuations. I seemed to be doing really well last year after therapy but now I am going through the most difficult period I have faced.


Rotamax125 - I'm really sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult period. Are you still in therapy? If not, are you still able to access it?

Isap
Posts: 1639
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Starting to lose the plot again but need a sanity check...

Postby Isap » Thu Mar 01, 2018 11:50 am

Hi Rich

If it was me I'd have no hesitation posting that message. Have done something similar in the past. You can arrange all you're FB security settings so that an outsider can't read anything

rotaxmax125
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Feb 28, 2018 7:58 pm

Re: Starting to lose the plot again but need a sanity check...

Postby rotaxmax125 » Thu Mar 01, 2018 12:48 pm

rich1404 wrote:
rotaxmax125 wrote:There's no right or wrong. If you felt you wanted to post your feelings and experience on social media then good for you for doing so. I can relate to the fluctuations. I seemed to be doing really well last year after therapy but now I am going through the most difficult period I have faced.


Rotamax125 - I'm really sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult period. Are you still in therapy? If not, are you still able to access it?


Thanks rich. I had NHS CBT therapy in 2016 for around 12 weeks.


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