I am not sure if this is going to help I have suffered from depression for years and been in two different medications yet I am still the majority of the time utterly depressed.
I have suicidal thoughts everyday and the night time is the worst. There are times I just cannot go on and to save everyone the trouble I have thought of just giving up. I have a plan and know what to do. It is always in my mind. My friends are wonderful but I feel now they are just getting sick of me. Never get invited never go out. Tried ringing SANE line a couple of times but always busy. I just have no more energy to continue.