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Feeling down.

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gfayers
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Feb 21, 2018 10:19 pm

Feeling down.

Postby gfayers » Wed Feb 21, 2018 10:22 pm

Hello,
This is the story of how I went from being an out going guy to bring depressed.
So last summer I got my A-level grades, I was jubilant, happy to be going to university with Distinction *, B, C, D. I was so excited and when I got to uni it summed up the path for then up to now.
I arrived on September 15th in Halls looking forward to seeing my new house mates for the year, then it struck me. I didn’t like any of them they were dirty, noisy and never wanted to do anything.

Of course you’re at university for the course not the living. So I was still optimistic, but then I realised by mid November that the course wasn’t what I wanted. I hated it in fact, I couldn’t be bothered and I sat in my room for days on end as I didn’t want to do anything. So on December 1st 2017 I dropped out of university.
This should have been the start of something special a new begging, but it wasn’t. I was looking for a part time job to just get the days to go by but I couldn’t find one.

Then something else happened to me, this girl who I really liked at school from when I was 17 and she was 14 (sort of too much of an age gap) popped up on my recommended on Instagram. She was 15 but I could just see me and her being right and being together but the laws stopping me from speaking to her or being with her made me feel so bad, like I haven’t felt this way about a girl before but as she was 18 and I 15 it couldn’t happen, and it’s wrong probably but I did masturbate thinking of her and now I’ve convinced myself I’ve broken the law and I’m going to prison. So I got support from the NSPCC and others to help me forget about it all.

So that sort of worked (even though I still think about her most days), but then I got a job I thought this is a new beginning a way to find myself but no. I’m going down mentally taking anxiety and sleeping pills. I have since been to the GP but they make you do that well being service before anything real is done and that hasn’t helped me.

I’m typing this now because I’m not me anymore, I use to love sports, football in specific, movies and other things but now I barely want to wake up and get on with my day. I haven’t self harmed and I don’t plan too but the other day I felt like pulling my hair out whilst in the bath.
I’m not suicidal, I’m just lost and scared.

mihaela
Posts: 1073
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2016 12:42 am
Location: Lancashire and Moldova

Re: Feeling down.

Postby mihaela » Sat Feb 24, 2018 11:09 am

Hello, I'm sorry no-one else has replied but this forum is pretty quiet and most of the regulars have their own problems to deal with and can't always be here.

I too dropped out - long ago, because unknown to me at the time, I'm on the autism spectrum. Had I known then, everything would have made sense. I've suffered anxiety and depression all my life - due to the stresses inherent in autism caused by how the world treats us.

gfayers wrote:I arrived on September 15th in Halls looking forward to seeing my new house mates for the year, then it struck me. I didn’t like any of them they were dirty, noisy and never wanted to do anything.


I'd have felt just the same! The social side of school, university, work have always been my main reasons for dropping out. This again was due to undiagnosed autism.

So I was still optimistic, but then I realised by mid November that the course wasn’t what I wanted. I hated it in fact, I couldn’t be bothered and I sat in my room for days on end as I didn’t want to do anything.


Exactly the same happened to me. I wasn't ready to decide what I wanted to do at 18, 19, 20, 21, 22... I'm still emotionally very young. My interests dramatically changed at around 23 - from technical to working with children and animals.

Then something else happened to me, this girl who I really liked at school from when I was 17 and she was 14 (sort of too much of an age gap)
.

I wouldn't call this too much of an age gap at all. It depends entirely on the individuals and how they get on together.

She was 15 but I could just see me and her being right and being together but the laws stopping me from speaking to her or being with her made me feel so bad, like I haven’t felt this way about a girl before but as she was 18 and I 15 it couldn’t happen, and it’s wrong probably.


Not necessarily wrong at all. In England, any physical sexual relationship would be illegal, but not necessarily morally wrong at that age. (She may be very mature for her age). Nor would it would be illegal in many countries. Age of consent laws and their enforcement vary enormously.

I did masturbate thinking of her and now I’ve convinced myself I’ve broken the law and I’m going to prison. So I got support from the NSPCC and others to help me forget about it all.


That's no crime, even if she'd been younger, for no sexual contact would have taken place, so you had nothing to worry about. I'm glad the NSPCC made you see sense. As for still thinking about her most days, so what? Thinking is not a crime.

I’m going down mentally taking anxiety and sleeping pills. I have since been to the GP but they make you do that well being service before anything real is done and that hasn’t helped me.


Nor would it help me, for autistic minds think differently. Maybe you should look into the possibility that you may be on the autism spectrum - 'high functioning' or Asperger's syndrome. A diagnosis can be a great help.

I’m just lost and scared.


This is how I've felt all my life, and is a classic autistic description of seeing the world especially after a big change in life, such as leaving home or losing parents and support. I felt much more confused and scared after I lost my parents. Does change cause you a lot of stress?


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